The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Super moon (super cool)

Edwin Aguirre and Imelda Joson
over Boston
I was like a boy playing on the sea-shore, and diverting myself now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me.              ~ Sir Isaac Newton

Thursday, June 27, 2013

compassion


Wikipedia definition of Compassion:
Compassion is an emotion that is a sense of shared suffering, most often combined with a desire to alleviate or reduce the suffering of another; to show special kindness to those who suffer. Compassion essentially arises through empathy, and is often characterized through actions, wherein a person acting with compassion will seek to aid those they feel compassionate for.
...
 "zenhabits" take on compassion

Just a quick note this morning on a bit of what I am thinking about ... compassion.

I'm thinking this may very well be the thing I least want to find myself in need of.  And yet ... in fact to be human is to experience suffering.  In Sunday School we are looking at suffering.

I really don't have my thoughts together on this yet, nor the time today to focus on this to the exclusion of a ton of other things (laundry, house cleaning), but ... just a reminder, and a collection point for little threads of ideas as I begin to weave my blanket on this topic.  I can see that I need to build a foothold here on this sorta topic so that I might instinctively reach for what is familiar , uh, later.  Mixing metaphors ... lol ... I know what I mean.  I have seen myself trusting lately ... trusting like a champ.  I liked it and I smile to see myself coming along.

Helping kids in and out of the gliders yesterday is a help in informing something about trust.  The before and after on their rides was pretty precious.  Compassion is bit of a salve for vulnerability isn't it?  Something hurts and we become emotionally raw and then what?  Accepting compassion may be, uh, must be I'm thinking, part of the mending process ... part of becoming stronger, well-er in general.  I'm sure hoping to learn some of the lessons on the smaller stuff rather then getting myself pinged bigger and bigger for lack of attention to learning opportunities.

I'm thinking about this topic today with a tweak from what I was thinking about a couple of years ago.

And this, these pics of a project begun (by strangers to me) and being seen through.  I think its going to eventually fly and as I touched the project I thought of the story told by the wood and glue of it.  A reminder here I think ... it tells a story of love ... of triumph.  I'll try to link the website that supports the endeavor.  A pic or two for me for now though ...



or three ...
Fisher Youngster kit plane

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Just today

Day Lily ... moved to a better place just a little bruised

in large planter looking good
I wake up around five every morning with my feet moist from the adrenaline rush induced by the anxiety dream.  This morning it was a huge spaceship with a rainbow inspired paint scheme.  I think it was trying to vacuum people up from a field.  I tucked myself down and had it been slow, we might describe it as a crawl, but I was speeding down to the cover of the tree line on all fours.  My dreams, umm nightmares, have always informed me that I am a survivor. A survivor who has to hop out of bed and head straight for the shower!

Maybe I have those intense dreams from time to time because my life, while somewhat crowded with activity, is pretty mundane (in a good way).  Today I am tasked with straightening out the garage closet and starting on the garden shed for the lady I do odd jobs for.  I enjoy her and I enjoy the work quite a bit.  When I "straighten" something in her home it seems very likely that it will stay that way for a while.  I like that a lot.  Here, in my home, there are many different sensibilities at (work and) play.  And of course I did not insist on the OCD style of order that I actually prefer.  I thought it would make my kids weird and I don't know that I have any advice to younger self from this vantage point were that  even possible.  We all do the best we can I think.  I love the idea of that ... I'm remembering a conversation from a lifetime ago ... I said, "I just want to do my best", and he said, "So do your best, your best for right that minute may not be your best ever, well, it won't be, but it will be your best and that is the best you can possible do."  It made me smile.  I smile now remembering.
ready to be planted
beds also ready and waiting

So today ... I have my little job then I have a ton of errands for our stuff.
Five flats of bedding plants wait in the front bed.
Dishwasher, with the door now open, is half emptied and breakfast dishes are on the counter top.
I moved several day lilies this morning and I need another quick shower before work.
I promised the CFI who did the flight review with me last week a batch of chocolate chip cookies (recipe to follow).  Sure would like to get that done today!
Pick up waiting at pharmacy (they text when ready and remind til it's off their shelf).
L tasked me with a little errand that will take at least an hour and was disappointed when I said I might be covered up time wise today.  I'd like to get that taken care of for him.
Fabric selected from memos I picked up on Friday.  Need to measure chairs so I can get the fabric when I'm up that way on Friday. (Yes I am excited and just a bit intimidated by the upholstery job.  I know I can do it, but I'm not sure how until I crack a chair open and see how the last guy did it... .)
I lovelovelove how the floors look and feel after being "Sharked", steam cleaned, and the device is within view from where I sit!
I'm behind on correspondence, and I have a package to  put together and mail to my campers (I do have the box ... empty tho).
And ... I have a bit of reading I'd like to do before Sunday school.  That's on my mind and the book is in my bag just in case.
Last night I signed up saying I would give orientation flight to children two days next week
Also committed to go to some training session for the day this Saturday (I don't really know what to expect there and I'm not a fan of unprepared).  That's CAP stuff.  I figure it out as I go, but that's not my preferred modus operandi (and may be where the bad dreams are coming from, lol)
I also committed to IP and check pilot school for three days in late July and maybe something for the Saturday after the Fourth.
needs to be "cleaned" up and re-planted in new spot
day lily

I love hydrangeas
all of the varieties are just great
this little lovely has some rust colored spots on her leaves
need to check in to that
also... these are really supposed to be blue so they want something in their soil...

I think I may need to schedule a spa day with buddy girl, but for now I need to hit the ground running!
lol

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Every one off at camp ... two exits later the Outlet Center

"perfect" A-line shift  dress 
easy to find at Brooks Bros. Outlet store 
... aka one hanger shopping 
(perfect for me!)

Sunday, June 16, 2013



It has been a sad afternoon in our home. One of the kittens was accidently stepped on and died instantly.
It is hard.  I've often thought, since their arrival here several weeks ago, "what a huge blessing it is to host a liter of kittens".  One kitten is delightful, three have brought immense joy.  I guess I fell in love with them somewhere around the three o'clock bottle feeding.  We never knew how old they were when they showed up here hungry and scared.  We poured our love in to them and they have multiplied it back.  So ... Storm was especially my V's cat.  Very difficult, knowing that this point of suffering also carries teachable moments I pray for words that might carry forward.  Loss is an inevitable part of loving and I know from experience loss mishandled may stunt or twist our ability to give and receive love.
Coincidentally, I listened through my second Sunday school lesson on the topic of Loss/Suffering this very morning.  While I do believe we come to experiences, learning experiences, when we are "ready" to learn, and sometimes even willing to do so ... lol ... I couldn't help but think (this morning, and last week as well) Boy, I sure would have liked to have understood these ideas way back when loss, rather then bringing me to my knees, brought me to my feet ... and I ran as far and fast as I could from the God who would allow these injustices to happen.  Uh ... right speed, wrong direction ... !  My Dad did try to help me see a bit better, but I couldn't listen well. And then he died and I got even more tangled up in the mess that grief, um, misdirected or misunderstood or mis-something-ed grief constructed.  The really good news is that God can handle it.  And, God is faithful, like on focus (He does totally "get" the whole deal)  and holds time in His hand.  I like the idea of that and I have experienced the reality of that as well.  There is mystery for me, but God gets the whole thing, and I can trust in that as I trust in Him.


...may as well make it large so I can easily read it while I tap out a few really good points ...
I think we'll be looking at some lessons we may learn from Job.
One is; 
No matter what happens, God is in control.
... Creator of the Universe and all things within it and without ... yeah, I can buy the idea that God is in control.  Also that there is a picture too large for me to see ... and that suffering is an unfortunate part of the working out of  the Master Plan.
The second major point of the morning's lesson was;
God is just.
Yes, I do believe that too, I can not always work it out, but I do believe it.  Not seeing the justice is a problem of perspective on my part rather then a lack of rightness on God's part. 

A few weeks ago the Pastor said something like one potential response to pain/suffering is hostility towards God.  And I thought uh huh, I know that's right.  Not a right response, a right observation.

I particularly appreciated this closing comment on today's lesson:
"When we suffer there will be mystery, will there also be faith?"

The Lewis quote really resonated for me, where is that? Here
"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable." ~C.S. Lewis





8 oz. white Cheddar cheese, shredded
8 oz. Fontina cheese, shredded
4 oz. goat cheese crumbles
3/4 cup toasted walnuts, chopped
1.25 cups mayonaise
1/2 tsp. garlic powder
1/2 tsp. ground black pepper
1/4 tsp cayenne
7 oz. (jar) pimentos
served on sour dough bread (thanks Panera)



Thursday, June 13, 2013

between the middle of nowhere and basically nowhere near anywhere...

Yesterday, looking for fabric I drove what started out to be 30 minutes from here (which is a long time in a small town). Left at 12:30 arrived at destination at 4:00. "Grabbed" fabric memos and headed home hoping to get dinner on the table at a reasonable hour.
Traffic like this can only mean that several lives are forever altered.
(iPhone is a freakin' genius)

ahead

behind
so glad I stopped for fuel earlier in the day

May God comfort those who were hurt by this event.

Finding the right fabric is tricky.  It has to feel right, look right, "go on" right, wear right, and be right priced.  I want it to look right with the furniture it will share space with.
I really like the black and neutral "pineapple" fabric.  It will the only patterned furniture in the room. I'm thinking of a solid colored fabric for the wing back, some contemporary very saturated color, throw pillows and a lamp base can bring color around the room I think.  These two water colors provide the palette I am using.



So, pretty much any color to choose from.  I'm thinking grey for the chairs.  None of these fabrics are "right"!  
Color-wise they are mostly too light for the room (the greys) and weight-wise, they are too heavy.  The rolled arms of the chairs need a fairly light weight material.  Visually, I like the herringbone fabric pictured about mid way.  The corals are there to face one side of the pillow. The green is a possibility for the wing back.  L wants me to keep the wing back diamond tufted so that fabric will basically self-select once we settle on a color.  I can't wait to pick out pillow fabric.  That's the most fun for me.  Pillows should be quirky.
I'll try again on Monday.
Flight review scheduled for this Saturday.  That should be fun.

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

bizzz z bizzz z bizzz z

I am trying to think about possible futures.  On a small scale, my view size scale.  I love that we humans can synthesize "true" happiness, and I love being a basically happy person.  I think it is true that gratitude fuels happiness.
Anyway ... lately, I am trying to think of what it might look like to "select" what comes next in a way different from how my generation tends to see "retirement".  I was thinking, all these years, that we'd just move to the beach, and spend time sort of like on vacation.  I like vacations at the beach especially, but I think sitting around on vacation would become very tedious very fast.  And is it really a vacation with house payments and car payments and insurance payments and ... all that?
So ... I'm searching the web for how maybe other folks do "retirement".  I'm looking for interesting ideas.  And, I haven't figured out a satisfactory search term yet, but the words I'm using have rendered some very amusing results.


Those are a couple of sage thoughts.  
I want to think of what I do want.  Im trying to circle in on it.  L, husband, has said he will never retire and I bet he won't.  I believe him.  Don't know exactly how he intends to continue his career path, but I do know working is what he loves to do.  I do a lot of the other stuff that families have to have done so that they have time to focus of "working".  One of my friends said when their last child left for college she announced to her husband that she intended on concentrating on herself to the extent that she would no longer be cooking or doing laundry etc. for him.  She said he has time for that himself and she needs her time to do what ever she is going to do.  They like each other, it's not really a weird thing at all.  When one of them comes up with something interesting to do together, they are both in, just that they have room in their relationship to do some of their own thing(s) as well.  I think I am going to need to  do some of the stuff I want to do while my husband does what he wants to do.  I've been waiting on him for a long time now, and it is finally sinking in that he doesn't really want to do very much of the stuff I am interested in doing. I need to re-vision some of the stuff I thought we might do together.  Walking the trail is an example of that ... I imagined that we would do that together, but it's not really something my sweetie wants to do.  If I'm going to do that and all those other things (like see a ballet, it's been so long) or go to some concerts (he loathes crowds and especially when there is music involved) ... road trips or whatever, I need to see them a little differently then I have.

Thinking of this for the next chest project:

and this ... this is what I'm talking about:

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Sheila Finch

Sheila Finch






Gerhard Richter
When  One moved back home during his undergraduate years we, thinking that bunking him back in with the younger brother was not the best option, decided to move everything out of our living room and separate it from our dining room with a wall of closets and bookshelves.  It worked very well though it did help to create a third world feel about the place.  I stopped just short of cooking hibachi style out on the front porch ... yeah.  Anyway, furniture was moved here and there in aide of emptying the room (and the dining room when little sister popped back in...).  The garage became full of other things, the den was packed, etc.  All to say:  I am super happy to have ordered my new couch, to be delivered the first week in July.  Yea!  Between now and then the fabric for those two huge easy chairs occupies my imagination.  I have settled on a grey with a bit of cream interest (yeah, haven't seen it yet, will know it when I do, trip to King Cotton on the calendar), and it will be a very restrained presentation with the exception of the pillow (I can see them dressed all different ways ... what great lines they have).  The pillow on each will have a coral side with a monogram and possibly on the other side I will stripe in the black and cream combination of the other chairs in the room.  I may even see a perfect welt cord, but I imagine it will be the grey of the chair.  Conservative with an undeniable shot of the unexpected ... traditional yet full of surprises (just like me).  Can't wait to find the fabrics and get started!  I am also very excited about the wing back that is patiently waiting in the garage.  I've decided on some very happy color to pop it.  Don't know what yet, but probably a blue/green.
Which brings me to these art pieces ... I love the sky thing I painted for the dining room, but I want to have another painting to trade out over there during the warm time of the year.  I want to paint something that has a lot of different colors in it, something very saturated as these examples are.  As neutral as the furnishing in the room are something vibrant on the focal wall would work well.
Now I am saving up for the coffee table that I want, a welded frame base with a granite top, a lamp to replace the one broken before it is discontinued, or a pair of something else. and pillows for the couch.  And the area rug, rolled up in the garage, will need to be professionally cleaned.  I think I can get all that done before the end of August.  That is my current goal.
Speaking of current goals ... I weighed in yesterday at my "only in my dreams, fantasy weight".  Mission accomplished.  I think I can see another possible five pounds to go from here, my girls are starting to whisper "anorexic" and while I do tend to lock on to what I'm doing, I am certain that I won't take weight loss too far.  Pretty soon the gym I am a member of will open and I know I will switch gears to building muscle mass and endurance for my old age (I have a long term plan in mind, it began with getting my before five pregnancies body back and my next step is to get in shape for 5Ks which I imagine myself running with Two and Four  though neither of them are on board with that right now...well, maybe I will have the opportunity to walk the trail, this will help with that).
Well ... gotta get to the day!

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Sunday again ... here it is:



visited with Four on Saturday
great to see her
ready set happy for the summer
the water is so still that it appears to be sky
love the surreal quality of this shot
a little close-up

Oak Leaf Hydrangea
native to this area and swarming with bees
I love the looks of these
and have a successful transplant in my garden this year!
thankful



This is actually two thankfuls
one ... those three kittens are such a joy
they are all in my lap here and purring
I appreciate the opportunity to have this time with them
kittens are delightful
Sammy wandered in right after this pic was snapped 
and very gently nudged one of them off of my lap
they follow him around playing with his tail 
and trying to get his attention
also just great to watch them running up a tree and scampering back down
very impressive
two ... this chair, I bought two of them 
at a local resale shop
most comfy chairs I've ever sat in
perfect really
- looking for the right fabric for these two beauties,
and an air compressor to drive the staple gun
they will be a pretty big project and will require
a tool upgrade 
(love thinking about how many 
different tools
 can be run off that compressor 
I've been wanting forever and can now justify)
here is one of them (this will be the before shot)

and this
amazing
I love the idea of this
 it's of Crazy Horse (NPR link)
the work began in 1948, 
I learned of it while sitting in a third grade class room
(that and the Moog Synthesizer, which took up a city block and was the grandfather of electronic sound, ummm, musical sound as in AC/DC ... Switched on Bach circa 1969ish, third grade and the Moog download were years before that, btw, 3rd grade was my favorite year of early ed)
anyway, getting sorta distracted there sitting here tapping out from this very large easy chair
...the century has long since turned and I still remember that day:
Reading the Weekly Reader I came upon the epic tale of this mountain sculpture
(it said a man would be able to stand in the shelf of CH's ear and I thought,
 "Wowie!  I have got to see that!"
Here I am almost 50 year later,
"googling" it on my phone while sitting outside drinking coffee with a friend
the device in my hand doesn't even know it is a descendent of MOOG, but I think it must be.
I still want to see the statue, unfinished as it may be.
I am circling back around for the things I want to do.
a 1/34 scale model in the foreground


Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Typical summer day

I love these long wide open days of summer. Today I will meal plan, and grocery shop ... and steam mop all the floors and scrub a bathroom ... and maybe finish the front planting bed ... and possibly even begin working on the chest of drawer which is waiting in the garage. And, I have a new book.
Flight review scheduled for tomorrow is canceled, the plane is out and the weather is forecast to be down as well.  Due by end of month.  I also need my annual physical exam ... by the end of next month.  Really enjoying my little job, I work about ten hours a week.  It's really perfect because I like it and it leaves me time for other things too (like house work and furniture sanding).

That was what I thought I'd do today when I decided to do a typical day post ... this is what I actually did do
groomed Sammy and doused him with front line
he really doesn't like the stuff and expends a lot of energy trying to rub it off
I also spread a bag of pest control stuff on the yard areas closest to the house
supposed to rid the area of fleas and other little unwelcomes

then I sanded on my little side table 'til time to go grocery shop

this is the steam cleaner I think is best
studying up on this and shopping around
thought it would be a no brainer, but for that price I need more info

plnned the meals out earlier in the day and really enjoyed grocery shopping
I'm pretty excited about that OxiClean ...

totally forgot it was hair cut day
finally the bangs have grown out enough to stay out of my eyes better
tonight I'm just going to read my book
After that I went out cupcakes stuff shopping with Two (and picked up the PAM which I forgot earlier)  ... dinner, dishes ... done.  I was disappointed about not getting all the floor steam cleaned, pretty excited about that, but it's for another day.

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

grumpy wet kittens

kitty shadows
 a bath for each one this morning
while wearing the plastic gloves
kept for handling poisonous ivy

they hated it
pretty much
then they snuggled in

or ... hire it done