My cousin captured this beautiful moment and shared it.  This was at South Padre Island, Texas.  What a wonderful shot.  ~ Jay Evins copyright 2010

There was a night at the beach which I love to remember because of a Heron fishing.  These are smart, calm, elegant birds.  I like them a lot ... always trying to capture a decent shot of them with my little point and click.  Thanks to Jay I now have this lovely reminder.

topic change ...
I'm slowly reading the book Rescuing Ambition (Dave Harvey), essentially about "reaching further dreaming larger for the glory of God" ummm ... rather then for oneself.  It's a good book for me to be looking t during this time because I can still feel that need to achieve something special, something extraordinary, within me ... and it is making me feel a bit bad, like achieving or competing is somehow inappropriate, but I know that is how I am.  I like to, for lack of a better sense of it, I like to impress myself.  I like to do stuff that I am proud of.  Like even those silly doors ... they are beautifully refinished - just right  - and I did that (doing that).  But ... great doors don't really matter very much, do they?  I don't want to be famous or even noticed to tell the truth ... I just want to spend my moments mostly on things which I think might matter.  
I can see that I am in an important time in my life ... it feels like a down time because I don't have anything going on that falls into my might matter bag.  
Yes, my family matters a lot, but ... they are pretty much grown up.  I have time for more.  I like that the kitchen floor is "clean enough to eat off of" as my mother would say ... I even have a renewed respect for all the awesome housekeeping she did, and I sure can see why we spent so much time keeping our messes outside! ... Momma was on to something there.
It's like distractions are minimized right now.  Every one of the handful of places where I want to go for achieving and also for filling my cup ... all those doors seem to be shut.  This feels like a quiet time, and it kinda creeps me out.  I stay busy, but busy with still stuff ... like sanding, sewing, painting, fixing ... .  I'm even driving the jeep slower.  It's just kinda weird, hard to explain.  I knock on the door of a little excitement, but to no avail.  I am a little bit uneasy about it, at the same time, I intuitively believe things are exactly as they should be, and I imagine I will look back on this time and see how special it was.
So ... to honor that  gift, the gift of quiet time, I am trying to relax in to it.  I can feel my feet kicking at it some, and I have learned how to shhhh myself.  I learned that in an airplane.  You get to decide what you think about, and what you think about feeds your soul ... or eats your soul.  In an airplane, it is important to learn how to discipline yourself to think about the right stuff at the right times ... it is cool to know where your default thinking takes you, and think better then that.  


This guy, Dave Harvey, expresses the notion that one's natural proclivity towards ambitious feats leaves a big empty hole which hankers to be filled with even grander acts.  Vain glory is a phrase which comes to mind. 

This is the table of contents.  I haven't  read enough of it to have an opinion other then I'm interested in where he goes with the ideas.
I know there is something for me ... I really hope it's not just about housekeeping.

driftwood ... found photo ... I like it, for what I do not know

Today I worked all day.  I am trying to work as much as possible.  I really want to walk Sammy, but it's cold and a bit rainy here.  I like the driftwood heart ... the idea of picking up bits of stuff and turning it in to something good ... is good.  This looks like an outside thing.  well, I just like it.  I really wish completing projects didn't take so long!   I am still working on doors!  They really do look beautiful, and I am not bored with the sanding ... painting.  I take the door off and work on it on our back porch.  Sammy keeps me company.  I have thought of a million things to do out there ... after I finish painting inside the house.  I have a few little pieces to tweak inside too.  A chair to reupholster.  Still looking for the fabric. 

 The top fabric is my favorite for the wingback ... may do it in a linen that color, haven't decided about the texture on that big a piece.  I like quiet furniture.  I was looking for a very broad cabana stripe, but no one seems to have that.  H suggested I "paint" the stripe I want on some inexpensive drapes and I think that's what I'll do (den).  The fabric on the right is for the ottoman or coffee table piece.  The chartreuse in that is a color I like, and I'm thinking of painting something ... laundry room shelves maybe ... that color.  It's beautiful on glass and ceramic so I'm on the look out.  The dot ... dining room chairs, and the rest for throw pillows.  I needed to get a few fabrics in mind so the paint choices can be finalized.  I love fresh paint.  Now I wish I hadn't painted that chest of drawers in sea glass blue.  The color works with this palette, but ... I don't like it as much as I thought I would.  Love that fabric shop ... wow.

found image ~ idk

"The heart is forever inexperienced." ~ Thoreau

Life is an adventure in forgiveness.~ Norman Cousins

found image ~ idk

Dream stuff.

Shower
To dream that you are taking a shower in clear, fresh water, symbolizes spiritual or physical renewal and forgiveness. You are washing the burdens out of your life.
To dream that you are showering with someone, suggests that there is something that you need to "come clean" or confess to this person. It is time to be honest. Perhaps the dream is telling you that you need to let down your guard.


Hallway
To see a hallway in your dream, symbolizes self exploration. It is the beginning of the path that you are taking in life. You are going through a transitional phase and journeying into the unknown. It also signals spiritual enlightenment, emotional growth physical prowess, new opportunities and mental passages in your life.

Neck
To see your neck in your dream, signifies the relationship between the mind/mental and the body/physical. It represents willpower, self-restriction and your need to control your feelings and keep them in check

Stranger
To see a stranger in your dream, signifies a part of yourself that is repressed and hidden. Alternatively, it symbolizes the archetypal dream helper who is offering you insight and advice.

~ found image by coffee_break

"Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you. But if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder." Thoreau

It is time to turn my attention to other things.  I didn't realize this, but now I do.
What I was doing ...  I had a carrot out there moving me along. A prize for a job well done. Something I could earn ... I think I might do that, or try to do that in every area of my life. I hadn't been exactly paying attention to that. I know I do that, but I didn't realize the extent of it. I think I may need to look at that. Certainly many of the downsides to that which had gone unnoticed.
I think I can plan more joy in to our every days.  Ummm ... like a planned ahead really nice meal.  I do that at the beach ... that'd be so easy to do here.  Fancy up the table ... that sort of thing.  And maybe, with intention, I can dial back some of those things that zing my frayed nerves.  I can see now that I walk around those "holes" in my life telling myself to suckitup ... that relief or reward will be forth coming. I think that may be a little messed up. It has enabled me to move annoyances, misfortunes, griefs ... What ever one might can them and whatever magnitude they may be at (cause some are minor and some suck the air right out of me)  To move those things to a place where dealing with them can be postponed. It makes me vulnerable to accepting, maybe even pursuing, what/where I think a little special time may be found, and neglecting to just straighten out some of the poop.
It is about trade offs. I'm not sure about how to think about this. Everybody has stuff that drains them ... and places where they go to refill. I think I postpone refill too much. I think I may be able to create some "refill" in my home. That's what I'm saying.

Told my brother about the change of plans ... he said he would probably beat me to the beach now. He said he'd save me a place.  He was the best person for me to really talk to about some of this.  We are a lot alike and he said what I have been whispering to myself ... it makes sense, this is a good thing ... .

Thoreau has a lot of good things to say doesn't he?

to remember

"This constellation in the dark - grace, thanksgiving, joy - it might be like that - reaching for the stars. So hard. So hard." ~ Ann Voskamp
and "The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread." ~Mother Teresa



I remember ... I do remember.  I was trying to make something ... uh ... happen.  I was using all my sweetness and courage and ... strength.  But ... it didn't happen and it won't happen because it just can't.  Somethings are like that.  You have some inspired idea, but it just doesn't work.  So ... you stop trying, because trying is almost exactly like hurting yourself.  So ... I look at this photo and I do remember, and the memory tightens my throat and burns my eyes.  And ... I decide to look at the light.  I decided to look ... beyond.  And ... I want to forget the idea while I remember it won't work.

^ good gunk  

après spa

leaving hotel to pickup husband for dinner ... will paint other nails at red lights...

Caribbean body wrap ... ummm, not so much.  The steaming, multi jet shower to wash the mud/algae away ... absolutely worth the price of admission.  The temperature of the shower area was on a thermostat which released steam via an inlet near the floor ... kinda perfect.

I enjoyed the facial as well.  Noticed the "product" felt exactly like what the Estée Lauder consultant has "recommended".  It's on the countertop in my bathroom, and I use it when I remember to.  I demurred when prompted to drop what will be next week's grocery budget on what I think are duplicate products.  I mean seriously, how many different ways are there to ease fine lines and broken capillaries?  The lady who helped with my hair asked me what kind of face stuff I use.
"I wash with Neutragena soap and water ... then I use Estée Lauder eye and that all over stuff ... serum. "
"Oh good," she says, " Estée Lauder is Aveda's  parent company, wish I owed stock!"

Girl stuff can be pretty intimidating.   It's a lot trickier then that all over hair and body stuff that guys use.  We have lots and lots of little bottles ... pricey little bottles.

I began the day with them at nine ... by two I was pretty much exhausted by the process.  It was convenient for them to reschedule my manicure and pedicure ... somewhere along the way we had gotten behind.  I opted to duck out rather then wait 45 minutes.   The scheduler said they would prioritize me tomorrow.  I picked up another little bottle, oyster shell shimmery grey (my made up name for it) nail lacquer. I think I would rather just paint my own ... they will be flecked with high gloss white next week away!

found photo ... this is what I'm talking about.

My husband "got the word" yesterday ... It's not official yet, but, I think we can stick a fork in this one. He has accepted a position which will keep us here ... I'm gonna say indefinitely. This is a good thing. more everything for him and therefore, the entire family.

I had big plans to move to the beach and enjoy quasi-illegal modes of entertainment ... I could envision sunsets on the deck with adult beverages ... sailing ... long walks on the beach and days when I didn't even bother to brush my hair ... Figured with a big city across the bay and vacation homes stacked one on top of the other that I would find the absolute perfect little flying gig ... leaving time for Bloody Mary breakfasts at least occasionally. I had some serious visions of "vegging out"! ... Maybe working up a pool game that could consistently make my brother cry like a little sissy boy. Ummm ... Not so much it seems.

Yeah, I'm okay with it. It's not my turn ... I can wait. I might even spend this time formulating a better version of what might be. I hadn't set thebar very high ... yeah, this might be better.

Today is the beginning of a few excellent laidback days in the making ... Tonight, I get to pickup my new laptop. I am especially excited about that. Tomorrow, a spa day. From nine to five, and it may take that long for them to get my nails back in shape! Friday ... window shopping ... hanging with H and her little girl, probably in the hotel pool area ... such a luxury to swim in February.

I am thinking about what I want to do. Ummm ... not in the next few days or even weeks. Over the nest several years. My 24 year old thinks I should re join my gym, and the Jr. League. I'm trying to sort out exactly what it was about the beach fantasy that was so compelling. I've never actually been a sit on my backside kinda girl. I do especially like socializing ... making parties is one of my favorite things. I do a lot of planning for those beach trips ... Bet that's part of the pleasure for me, it feels like a party. I could actually do that right here. The fire pit is a perfect example of how right here could work. A fire outside has fun written all over it. I think this is an attitude thing which can be cultivated. Pretty sure.

And something like this for the back porch ... Because I like it.

I was also really really really looking forward to an awesome bathtub. I told my husband last night when he came home with the good news ... Okay, but this means we have to build a study in the back yard big enough for a pool table and all your books and stuff ... and ... I need my bathtub (so expect to shell out for a master bath re do).

I also need to be figuring out what can be done about my need for air. I miss the smell of airplanes. I miss the shadow falling away. I miss breaking through and finding what is offered on top. I need to figure that out. I need to figure out how to take care of that part of me ... it keeps me out of trouble.

The other thing is these little breaks to look forward to ... I think I need to have one in the planning stages at all times. A trip to Altanta with my camera ... V hasn't seen The Biltmore Estate ... need to short list that.

"Our passionate preoccupation with the sky, the stars, and a God somewhere in outer space is a homing impulse. We are drawn back to where we came from." Eric Hoffer, 'New York Times,' 21 July 1969, regards the first moon-landing.

~ found photo (idk)

small things

~ found photo (idk)
"We can do no great things - only small things with great love." ~ Mother Teresa



St.Valentine's Day ...

On this day when a large part of the world pauses to think about and be thankful for the loves, all those many loves, in our lives, I am making the floors in my kitchen and breakfast room sing ... The tiles and most importantly the grout are singing a love song. I may be the only one who walks on them that will hear it, but ... a love song none the less. I am re-applying myself towards making the whole house sing. ("The fibers of all things have their tension and are strained like the strings of an instrument." ~Thoreau  I'm thinking I can do towards the songs sung in this house ... more carefully then I have.  The luxury of time may be spent towards this and that may be worth the trade of my days.  that's what I thinking about.  an attitude with actions supporting it ... intentions which may ease similar to what I experience while at the coast or really anywhere outside/nature ... that ease may be brought home as other things less desirable are.)
That's how I'm thinking about it. I had moved the song to over there ... Port A ... aka someday isle. That may have been the best I could do, but now I can do better, and I will.

I read two, sporadically three, blogs. Captain Fave doesn't write near enough, but I keep on checking in. The other blog has quite a bit of variety ... lotsa thinking going on there ... reflections on life/death/whatsit mean/how can it matter ... smarter then that, but I have to chew it in little bites ... It keeps me thinking about the quicksilver, utterly fragile, nature of life, and also ... the impact of that on our loves. Maybe something about vinegar reacting with baking soda makes me feel a little philosophical. Last night I dreamed that I died.

I would be okay with dying, even as I would prefer to continue the adventure of this particular life. This blog has become a little bit about later ... about being transparent to my loves for later when they might want to visit their ole Mom.

“Love won't be tampered with, love won't go away. Push it to one side and it creeps to the other.” ~ Louise Erdrich

This quote is where I'm thinking today ... was thinking about just a few minutes ago as I crawled around behind the fizz bubbling along the seams in the floor.  Love is good. Love, every bit as invisible as God ... I think it swirls the metaphoric DNA of the Creator.  And ... We know little bits of love. And big bits too, right?! I dip my toe in to it ... the shallow end of it and it ooches open and envelopes me. Love makes room for ... one more. The whole pool is enriched by the joy of making room for more.

Love as much as you possible can. Move as far in to the deep of love as you are able.

Other stuff, stuff that inhibits love ... that stuff also doesn't go away. You can "push" it aside, but I think it's important to realize that it creeps. Not Lovely is a creeper guys. Not Lovely doesn't go away. This is what I believe ... You gotta take not lovely by the tail and drag it with you out in to the deepest places of love ... it won't drown there (from what I've seen), but it will dissipate to a more tolerable level. Love dilutes not lovely. Love is the way to go. More is better when it comes to love. Be bold ... brave ... with that idea.

So ... That's one of the things I want you to remember ... it's taken me a while to figure that out.

~ Green-headed Tanager by Frank Shufelt (found)

"The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply that they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings." ~ Sir James Matthew Barrie

"No bird ever flew nonstop from New York to Tokyo, or raced 15 miles high at triple the speed of sound. But birds do something else. They do not conquer the air; they romance it." ~ Peter Garrison

From the summer 2011 sometime

Hmmm... Nice long fun in the sun kind of day! I have never seen the water as perfect -turquoise transparent and warm. Before the girls woke up L and I walked along the beach. I haven't sorted through my pictures yet but I did enjoy seeing a sea turtle today...and I hope there is a nice picture of it as a reminder. The sandpipers and gulls let me get a little closer that I expected them to. There are a few stretches of the old Panama City near this condo. The wildlife definitely prefers the quieter pace enjoyed there. An older man was lying near the water's edge, but up out of the surf and the birds were just walking almost right up to him. He was so still that I waited to see his back rise as his lungs filled before I passed by. Now I am wondering if I should have spoken to him ... good morning, I see you are just back from your morning swim are you okay or are you stroking out this morning... . I suspect he could happily do without his high rise high density neighbors. I did speak to a couple of officious looking gentlemen. "The beaches look lovely today don't they...?" He replied in Spanish - I don't understand English. "Como?!" I said, like whhhaaattt!!??! He touched his ear ... suddenly, he doesn't hear well, poor guy has a meandering malady. Husband said they must be BPs presence on the ground. Probably. Lots of cool helicopters were flying early this morning. I always wave at them. I am a committed tourist! One looped back by and rolled a little setting up a wonderful photo opp for me. I hope it turns out well. I really should take our better camera out to the water's edge on these strolls...I'm afraid it'll get splashed though. A good camera was the first thing we bought when we could almost afford it many years ago. We've had one ever since.

Tonight, we planned on taking Four and Five to Margaritaville for dinner. After strolling out the 1.5 hour wait (seriously) we were called (on my cellphone - seriously) and eventually seated (finally). I was pondering the subtle differences between this frozen concoction and that one on the page long listing (one was called the "perfect margarita" and I thought well, there you go, perfect it will be...) when Four's knee inadvertently touched Five's knee and already frayed nerves sparked up and I heard myself say,"Rather than a hundred dollar dinner that (only I or) no one will enjoy, why don't we cut bait on this one... ." I think everyone except maybe me and the waiter were relieved. Five is snuggled in to her bed now and I hope she dreams about the bazillion turns she took on the thirty foot high water slide today. Four is making a flashlight stroll with her Dad. Kinda lovely I think. And I microwaved a cup of soup, sliced a tomato, put a handful of my favorite Everything crackers on a plate and headed out here to the balcony. I'm on my third glass of icy cold water ... and I have a wonderful (Dune Grass) treat from the Yankee Candle store scenting the already awesome smelling air. The moon is full tonight and the waves just keep on rolling. Bliss.

Sunday night. Today's sermon notes shake down to:
•ask Him to reveal Himself to you ... Revelation as in "pull back the veil" and I'm thinking about how the veil in the temple was rent from top to bottom during the crucifixtion. God has indicated that we might approach Him, maybe even that He wishes that. It's very difficult for me though ... Mostly, I think because I can not see Him ... and even as I think that and type those words I know it would scare me were He or any of His buddies suddenly to appear. I am trying to think about this ... it's may be something like a friend who knows, well, in the case of God, he knows everything ... Okay, so a friend who knows everything about you and loves you, really loves you, but who you have never seen ... You know the facts of his ways, you think you know him, but ... . I don't think you really can know someone who you have never seen. I think it would be easy to superimpose preferences where there are gaps. I close my eyes and try to picture God sometimes ... But, I don't think he will really look like that. As far as what one might expect God to be like ... truly unimaginable. My capacity to know Him is severely limited. ...ask Him to reveal himself to you. (Eph 1:15-17) I know I'm not good at that ... Is that the wait upon the Lord idea? I'm going to ask God to reveal himself to me. Seems audacious ... like asking God out to lunch ... I would like to know you better God, let's hang out, btw, sorry in advance, I'm a bit of a mess. If I were going to have lunch with someone I liked, but had never actually sat down with face to face, heart to heart ... I can easily imagine how that would feel for me. I would look forward to that ... I would yearn towards that. I'm going to be thinking about this a bit ... It seems a little crazy to me, on the other hand, that is what the scripture says.
• the other thing was ... Over and over again in the Bible you see
The birth of a vision
The death of that vision
The supernatural rebirth of the vision

That's what the Pastor said, and I think he is right. That does seem to be a reoccurring theme in the Bible. I'm thinking about that. He said after you have walked with God over a period of time you start to see that happening in your own life. Seems like to me that most of the Bible stories sort of worked out pretty well for the people... He cited Joseph (dreamer->slave->right hand man) and Abraham (a man with no child->a promise->patriarch of the nations). I can think of plenty of stories that followed that track which ended not so well as we think of well. It's hard to look forward to hanging out with an invisible friend. I can feel a tinge of amping up for that, but, also I feel myself draw back ... in a self protect mode. Hmmm. A lot of this spiritual stuff is just kinda difficult. I wonder if I am approaching it right ... I hope I'm not being disrespectful. Then ... I get frustrated about the whole invisible thing. I like friends who I can see. Seems like important stuff should be handled face to face, at least occasionally. I think I'm going to have to think about this. It's a little bit ...just the tiniest bit like standing in front of a blank canvas ...what will show up there?

The Vow and other promises

Today there is a birthday in my house. We did a girl's day out at the movies (The Vow ... I liked it, and I was happy to see it with my three daughters ... The writer did a good job of expressing a few of my core beliefs; for one, everyone deserves to be loved in a way that one knows home is in the beloved's heart, another, that choices are made within families that sometimes wouldn't make sense on a selfish level, hmmm, another might be to live a life which is shared, rather then traded in a this for that manner. I appreciated the movie ... Nicholas Sparks I think.)
I vow to help you love life, to always hold you with tenderness and to have the patience that love demands, to speak when words are needed and to share the silence when they are not and to live within the warmth of your heart and always call it home. and Life's all about moments of impact, and how they change our lives forever. (My favorite sentiments expressed by this movie)

I love this picture ... Wish I could offer the credit where it's due. Seems like a lot of beautiful images just float around on the Internet. I know it's a Heron ... And it's beautiful. I saw pictures of wild horses running on the beach in New Zealand today also. magnificent. There is a lot of beauty on the planet. Those macro photos are my new favorite thing to look at.
Well, I saw something else today which made my heart smile ... Came in on a text

... One of my buddies unwrapped a dream come true today.

I like knowing that this sort of thing is going on.

~ both by teguh santosa (pinned)

~ hammock time in our backyard today

Today I have practiced doing basically nothing. Today was spent mostly in quiet ... L was home for lunch and to pick up his bag for a weekend outing in to the wilds of South Carolina in pursuit of all things Ellicot. We re-watched an episode of "ENDGAME" (chess master/crime solver) which I fell asleep during last night. It's a pretty good show. I'm back to waking up at 4ish and doing sudoku and reading articles on my tablet. Today I ate cheesecake and fresh strawberries, delicious and juicy red ... I did a couple of loads of laundry and tried out a solution of vinegar and baking soda on the grout in the kitchen floor (yes, like magic). That's what I was doing at four ... researching best ways to clean grout and blemishes on porcelain bathtubs. Yesterday I unscrewed the hardware which held sliding glass doors in place on one of the tubs in our house ... It had been there since the home was built (older then I and they sure don't make things like they used to ... very heavy). I was very interested in what kind of yuckiness might lurk under and behind that frame work ... not too bad, but a little hard water build up and just a shade of rusty corrosion. Thinking about reframing the opaque glass panels for a wall in that little green house project.

Tonight out to eat with V and I'm hoping back in early ... More lounging about may be in order.

Formerly based in Chicago, photographer Francois Robert has used real human bones in his new series of artworks to illustrate the consequences of war.

Robert spends hours arranging the bones into shapes that are five to six feet wide to create surreal images associated with war, before photographing them.

According to Robert, he uses the human skeleton as it is by itself a powerful symbol that signifies the remains of life. (via INSPIRE FUSION)

This series of photos is titled Stop the Violence
Haltingly compelling imagery ... yes, creepy. Tap title to link more examples of his work ... It links the blog Accidental Mysteries post 9 October 2009 ... an interview with Francois Robert and shows several examples from the set.
I chose to post the cross because I think religion ... This symbol of religion, a cross ... The Cross ... Is a symbol for a complex and intensely personal story ... and a larger story as well, it encompasses all humanity. I like the starkness, the overt simplicity of these images, and the multifaceted experience of an existence. I like that something is communicated (even though manipulated) by these bones which were once the framework for the structure which housed a soul. I have never appreciated "bone art" before. It has seemed to me, disrespectful to the life lived around them ... like a trophy ... like consumptive dominance. I don't sense that dynamic here.

War has other consequences too ... Those aren't pictured in skeletal remains. I have a note on that somewhere which seems appropriate here ...

Perhaps I did not change the world. Perhaps there is still injustice in the world. But there will be a child who will live because men left the security they enjoyed in their home country to come to his. And this child will learn in the new schools that have been built. He will walk his streets not worried about whether or not his leader’s henchmen are going to come and kidnap him. He will grow into a fine man who will pursue every opportunity his heart could desire. He will have the gift of freedom, which I have enjoyed for so long. If my life buys the safety of a child who will one day change this world, then I know that it was all worth it.—-Sgt. William Stacey as written in a letter that was given to his family after he died from an IED in Afghanistan

Sgt. Stacey, 23, died in Afganistan 31 January 2012

"He commanded the squad I was embedded with when I ended up in my first firefight, and it was plainer than anything that he kept the men under his command alive. ... He is the sort of man you would want commanding your troops, analyzing a million pieces of data to save a few extra lives. ...

"He helped turn Now Zad from a scarred hell to a place where hundreds of children can walk to school every day. He brought sanity and compassion to a place sorely in need of both. ... " ~ Lawrence Dabney, a war correspondent/humanitarian attorney, embedded in Sgt. Stacey's squad ... noted in the obit which was found online.

A sacrifice. Another consequence of war. A gift sent ahead towards what might be. This is an honorable life.

Would love to spend some time here.

~ no photo credit given when "found" at SWEET STATION
A 3-meter-tall, wind-powered musical sculpture made of galvanized steel pipes, it stands high above the English town of Burnley. The pipes swirl to form the shape of a tree bent and blown by the wind, and produce an eerie, melodious hum as the constant wind on Crown Point drifts through them. The Singing Ringing Tree’s pipes are used for both aesthetic qualities as well as for tuning, with their sound varied according to length and added narrow slits on the underside of specific pipes. The sound produced by these twisted metal trees covers several octaves and is said to be simultaneously discordant and melancholy, and intensely beautiful. Designed by architects Mike Tonkin and Anna Liu of Tonkin Liu. (via Interactive Architecture)

Eric Cahan

Two sent the link to the site introducing me to the work of Eric Cahan. Sky. Mostly pure light within a context ... anchoring it to a dot on the time line. Earlier today I watched a video interview with Alice Herz Sommer. She says Everything is a gift. Tap title to jump to the site ... I wish I could post a sample, but ... It would be impossible to choose just one, and ... they are copyrighted. The sky is a lot more of a gift then I was paying attention for. There are a few photos taken from a airplane that I absolutely love looking at ... These images, from the ground, are a gift as well. We breathe this stuff ... It's pretty cool.

~ found photo (idk)

The secret of happiness is freedom and the secret of freedom is courage. ~ Thucydides (471 BC - 400 BC)



“I look where it is good.  I know about the bad, but I look at the good thing.” and "Everything is a gift." ~ Alice Herz Sommer (108 year old survivor of a Nazi concentration camp and cancer, autobiography: Garden of Eden in Hell. haven't read it, but likely will. •HT Amused•

~ found picture (idk)

The woodwork painting is coming along swimmingly. There is a good bit of satisfaction in that work, and the results. Painting doors has led to taking down light globes and washing them ... stuff gets dusty when you're not looking. I noticed the windows to the garage could use some attention too ... I could stay as busy as a bee around here and still miss a few things.

... Kinda wondering if it's okay to just tend to my own business. There's plenty to do around here ... yes, checklist items both big and small, but most important, the tending to of all these personalities under our roof.
Yesterday I heard myself say to C, "God doesn't think it's too much ... ", in reference to her dealing appropriately with little sister's shenanigans. Raising girls is so much more everything then raising boys. I'm reflecting on that as I sit here drinking my coffee and planning my route through this day ... I smile as those words God doesn't think it's too much waft around on the scent of three different perfumes ... and weave their way through a trail of hair bows and mismatched TOMs ... It's quiet now and those words pop up out of the receding morning drama ... Yeah, it seems like a lot.
People are starting to be aware that I am home ... People are starting to offer opportunities to me to do something good for the community. I feel a little guilty about just looking out for my own stuff. I really don't have a desire to "adopt" a project ... mentor or role model ... I'm not really a "do-gooder". I gotta save ever ounce of patience for the promises I made in the delivery room. It's almost too much some days!

"The days are long, but the years are short." a truism without a credit, I don't know who said it first, but they sure knew what they were talking about. These first, then those as I can.

Well, past time to get to it!

Today I heard the story ... a story, because this story is part of a larger story ... about a very old woman who makes her living selling liquor by the shot out of her trailer. The bottles are set up on the floor under her kitchen table. You can buy a cigarette too ... for fifty cents or a dollar depending on what her resources look like, and what she perceives yours to be. She maybe has other stuff for sale too.

I'm thinking about that ... A five dollar pack of twenty cigarettes expanding to ten or even twenty bucks. It's how she makes her living. She's been doing it for over fifty years, so I hear.

I'm thinking about going to meet her. Not because I want a cigarette or a shot of something. I'm thinking about other parts of her story. And ... I heard she would really like me and I would really like her and I wonder about that.

Now it is late in the day and I've been thinking about this today. I am interested in this "colorful" story. In a sense I admire this type of ingenuity ... "this type" being making something workable from what is at hand. I would like to see this woman's face and how she moves. Interesting. I don't admire illegal craftiness. Not in a prissy way ... it's like this bottom-feeding activity is beneath a woman with an indomitable will to provide for her own. She might have found another way somewhere along the path of this easy way. Maybe it is her very best effort. I heard an eight year old is allowed to "shop" at her table. That's not good. That may be predatory, I do not know, this is not my culture. I would like to "feel" the way the space feels around her, but ... I won't. I would look at that life as a tourist. I would assuage my curiosity. I have heard that this woman is extremely nurturing, and has an engaging sense of humor. I don't doubt that I would like her. But ... .

It does feel a bit like the life I thought I had planned or envisioned/worked for has flipped on its side.
I don't feel truly disquieted about that. Would say I feel mostly philosophical about it ... plans change, sometimes for the better. I like flexibility on road trips, leaving room for the serendipitous, and I think that's the only adventuring way to do life. While I definitely don't see myself as exactly going with the flow, I do understand that there are winds of chance and circumstance ... unknowns, unforseeables, unmanageables ... spice. Im having to "catch up" with myself on that idea though, because I am a person who plans ahead and ... laughing at myself because I really should have known better ... the winds aloft in my area seemed to favor here ... I was expecting this track to meander towards "X" and I'm seeing only signs of "Y". It's hard for me to not spend time looking for the missed reference points. To think one is on track for this and come up with that ... well ... it's happened like that in several areas lately and I have to wonder about my navigation skills ... how long have I been flashing 7500?

I am adapting. Accessing and adapting. It may be what I do best.

Yesterday, as I sanded, I concluded that in those areas where I get to choose how I act I have very few, almost no, regrets. That's really good. Fortunate. And in the areas that matter the most to me ... yeah, those five areas ... everything is a-o-k. Really fortunate.

This just came in ... Some momma's day just got hit by a car. It could have been all her days. Hopefully, this can be happily resolved by lunch.

... M's parents are out of town ... but older siblings have got this under control. I've already talked to big sister and M is fine ... being released a bit later today. That parking lot is a very scary place.
This text makes me smile, now that I know everything is fine. Four told me in the follow up texts that she got head "immobilized", then called her sister. Very capable kid. I like it. ... then, the silver lining ... parking another buddy's B while she talked withthe police. My girl likes luxury cars. The bone is a wonderful playdoh model for anatomy class. It didn't break. Every morning I send them out of here to what ever their day holds ... life is full of surprises.

So ... that certainly illustrates how the moments can get blown around and potentially change everything.

I am in the process of trying to "see" who (rather then where) I want to be (rather then do). I started thinking about this on the front burner the other day as I sat still watching the big guys settle their planes down ... and up. I'm thinking about this luxury of time I have and how I want to use it.

65/1000 thankfuls

Favorite coffee mug ... favorite cookie (brownie icebox cookie - Two bakes them and changes up the icing ... pink is my favorite so far) ... a sweet day ... .

I remember sitting exactly right here last week, alone with my coffee. I can't remember why I was feeling how I was feeling ... alone doesn't always feel bad, in fact, I think I usually like it, last week it felt lonely, like I needed just a little bit of company. Hmmm. We see ourselves a certain way, then we find out we are as vulnerable to feelings as anyone. That's (an awareness of feelings) been the downside to what has become an exploration of kinder things ... warmer things. I realize now that 2010 was a super stressful time for me. No kidding, I think a third of my hair fell out. Stress, and not enough places to lay it down. Knowing what one is supposed to do and having the experience and skill to deploy it are entirely different things.
Last night I had a crazy dream (not in a row boat to China) ... I dreamed that I was in the backseat of a smallish airplane, in other words, I wasn't able to access the controls. It was like those re-occurring, something is going disasterously wrong, dreams. They stopped ... this one was the first one in a long time. The plane rolled in to too steep a bank. Too steep an angle of bank carries huge penalties for lift, and over stresses the airframe ... excess airspeed can become a huge concern there too. In the dream we were suddenly over-banked and it was immediately apparent that there was a malfunction somewhere. (I always check the aileron balancing weights for secure attachment ... one of those flying loose and wedging an aileron up or down wouldn't be good ... I don't know what caused the problem in this dream, it's beside the point anyway. In the dream I was calm. Flying calm is totally different from backseat calm. I know I would be calm if I were working a landing. Riding to a crash site has an entirely different vibe, I think. The pilot who I have flown quite a bit with and whose airmanship is beyond even a whimper of a question from me was flying. I love that. I love the feeling of no question ... no doubts ... no need to think what I think ... no worries. That's how it felt in the dream.
That must be exactly how an angel responds in relation to God. I don't move through the moments of my life feeling that way. But ... I should.
In the dream the plane came to rest at about four foot in on the runway at a forty five degree angle ... gear up. That flying buddy is known to have a choice word from time to time, but when the plane stopped skidding, and it didn't skid far, we both just started laughing. Maybe you'd have to be there ... it was a great dream for me because it demonstrates some sort of before and after. Before, "out of control" dreams would wake me up with my heart pounding ... I would have to get up and walk around the house, maybe take a shower to rinse it off. That didn't happen last night for the very first time ... last night I slept all the way through to the laughter. I am starting to feel safe with God. That's what that dream means to me. Next thing you know, I may be able to trust Him when I'm awake ... when I feel the scared feel of alone.

Pocket door ... First coat of super high gloss white ... This is a high traffic doorway, it'll need three coats. The hardware needs a little fix on the latch ... Can't wait to see it back on there with its new finish. This room has old bead board. I like it a lot. It was stained dark brown when we bought the house ... all the wood finishes were dark, making the entire house feel dark. painting them white was a tough decision but a good one. I don't know what color I will paint the walls. I like the sand color ... It was a light pearl gray before and that was also lovely.

This is an original electrical outlet ... the builders "stained" the plug faces when they stained the bead board. I bought new outlets for every plug in the house a few years ago ... Somehow this one got away from me. When I removed the plate to paint, the face of this broke off. Old brittle plastic. Fixed now. Looking good. I don't enjoy replacing them ... The screw driver slips around trying to ding my hand right there at the base of my thumb. I have another door working on the back porch. High humidity is slowing things down ... that's okay though, no hurry here. I was thinking about that kid standing on a rickety roof top. I like zoning out with ELO while I do this stuff.

Contemporary Homes near water

Tap title to link CONTEMPORISTS Magazine online
Saving these photos ... I like elements of each and can see the common design ideas.
The finished houses are a little minimalist/austere for my preferences. I would "soften" this architecture with interior additions ... Like comfy couches and art choices. And I wonder where the messiness that is real life ... Where is the junk drawer in these homes?

~ house in Gig Harbor, WA. Cliff House architect Scott Allen, photo Tim Bies

Australian designer Simon Laws of Anthill Constructions has designed the Drew House, located on the Queensland coast of Australia. There was no photo credit, but lots of beautiful images. This was described by one person as bush architecture at its finest ... Another noticed a bit of ISS inspiration. I like the house ... The pavilion entry is very inviting. Thiswasenvisionedas a camp-out,getaway.

Nico van der Meulen Architects have designed the House Aboobaker in Limpopo, South Africa. This was the remodel of an older home ... Stunningly successful. The water element is perfectly executed I think. Of course I like the openness ...windows to see out.

Stelle Architects have designed the Dune Road Residence in Bridgehampton, New York

Stelle Architects low key and non-invasive approach is inspired by indigenous forms and materials as we strive to create environments that respect the beauty and fragility of the natural landscape. We set out to marry sustainable design principles with a modern and inquisitive spirit that reflects the legacy of experimental design. A smaller footprint is one of our primary goals. ~ from their site

This is a two bedroom home. Again, for me a bit linear, but there is a lot to like in this tiny jewel box home. How does bathing privacy work? I would love to see out, but it would see rather strange to wave to the neighbors from the tub ... .

Yay me! I am very happy about being able to remove the door knob all by myself. I've been able to put them back on, but. This is my first one to remove. The mechanics of doorknobs are really cool ... Ingenuity at one's fingertips! A n d I was able to get the door off its frame hinges ... Pretty exciting stuff. Now, if only I were strong enough to hoist these old solid core doors up on my work table ... Last time I tried, I fell off the back porch ... Yes with the frickin' door. Hahaha. Frickin' is a painters word, very colorful!

... paint hardware, sand door and frame, putty blemishes, apply two coats of high gloss ... re-sand spots where Sammy leaves bits of hair. This afternoon he smelled the paintbrush so closely that he had white paint up his nose! Silly dog. He held very still while I carefully wiped it out. That is one great dog ... my paint buddy dog.

Article on Web research

~ summer 2011

Coolest thing I've seen all week!  So glad it's raining out my painting plans ... Gladly give up that progress for the nerdy coolness of this info ... "my" spider may be back this year.  When did I start liking spiders?!  
Copied complete from what may be my favorite magazine, Wired Science ... Ummm ... Yeah, top ten.

Spider Silk Is Strong Because It's Smart ~ Adam Mann  1Feb12.  (yes, the author has  a cool name)

Spider silk is well known for some spectacular properties. It is stronger than steel and tougher than Kevlar yet flexible enough to be spun into a wide variety of shapes.

New research shows that the material is not only strong but also smart.

“Spider silk has a particular way of softening and then being stiff that is really essential for it to function properly,” said engineer Markus J. Buehler of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, who co-authored the new study, which appears in Nature Feb. 2.

A spider web provides its occupant with a home and a way to catch prey. It needs to stand up to pesky attackers and sometimes withstand hurricane-force winds. Using computer models of spider silk and experiments on the webs of common European garden spiders (Araneus diadematus), Buehler and his team found a web’s unique skills come from its ability to react differently to different stress levels.


A light wind, for instance, softens the web, allowing it to lengthen but retain its overall structure. If a larger force is applied at a specific location, such as when a particular thread is poked, the silk becomes rigid and breaks.

Furthermore, only the most extended silk threads get severed. Having small portions of the web come apart not only helps retain the overall structural integrity but actually makes the web stronger. The researchers found that removing up to a tenth of the threads at different locations allowed the structure to carry 3 to 10 percent more weight. This shows the web’s advantage over materials such as steel, which would simply break apart under such conditions.

The work provides insight into spiders’ success with catching prey, said biologist Todd A. Blackledge of the University of Akron in Ohio, who was not involved in the study. “It’s really important for the silk to stretch under impact, cradling the insect so it doesn’t bounce out,” he said.

Engineers could also apply the secrets of spider silk to other challenges, Buehler suggested. Its ability to sustain small damage without compromising the entire structure could be useful in designing virtual networks, such as the Internet, where a local node gets sacrificed during an attack to keep the whole system from going down. Understanding how its microscopic protein structure gives rise to its macroscopic properties might help in stringing together carbon nanotubes, which may one day be used to produce objects ranging from combat gear to space elevators.

In the bucket

And this would rock anywhere, but because it is a wish, I put it happening in Brazil where I can see the Christ statue from there where I can feel it too.

Choices ...

~ found photo (idk)
“The bravest are surely those who have the clearest vision of what is before them, glory and danger alike, and yet notwithstanding, go out to meet it.” ~ Thucydides

Overheard this from some program my husband was watching, probably from Neil on White Collar: Choices are sacrifices ... It means giving up something you want for something you want more.

Interesting. Ummm, Optimistic or maybe just uber fortunate like most people I know ... like me. How pleasant when all choices seem to represent varying degrees of desirability.

I'm looking at this beautiful picture. I don't know anything about it ... Just what I can see and what I think I can infer from it. Do people live in huts on stilts like that? I think it must be the shelter offered to the kid in the picture. No doubt the coastal weather blows in and out through the meager reeds ... a cycle as sure as the flight of this blue marble around our golden sun. His shelter ... Basically shade on sticks with a fence wrapped around it ... not to secure, but to surround a made space ... his space. Maybe it is his "summer home".

I study the picture, captivating at first glance, idyllic .... then bleak. And then I see it. A choice. He makes a choice where choices are limited ... and I am all at once overwhelmed with the innocence and courage, he stands, sure-footed, brown as a little raison, on the roof of his life flying kites. I see the joy ... the efflorescence in blue.

(efflorescence as ... noun. 1. the state or a period of flowering. 2. an example or result of growth and development: These works are the efflorescence of his genius.)

Hawking @ 70 link

~ found photo ... Sombrero Universe. Makes me smile.

*Hawking once asked, “What is it that breathes fire into the equations and makes a universe for them to describe?" http://www.christianpost.com/news/professor-stephen-hawking-at-70-66692/ ... Tap post title to link this article.

(I am excited about the possibility of getting my "big girl" computer pretty soon. This iPad2 totally rocks, but there are a few important things forfeited to its sleekness. I miss my photo a day blog.)

What a wonderfully phrased question.


*"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us." ~ Bill Watterson (creator of Calvin & Hobbes)


*the birds are happy ... chirping ... busy. I love having a feeder hanging where I can see them. Pretty soon those nests in the rose vine will be occupied. There is a band saw out in our garage ... I am going to use it pretty soon. Starting to collect birdhouse design ideas. There is a whole forest in my back yard. I think some bird houses would be just the thing.

Spring is almost here. Lotsa yard work to do, but for now those doors! I woke up this morning smiling about how nicely that project is coming along. Also enjoying thinking about paint colors throughout the house. I am actually enjoying just hanging around my house doing what I do. I could do this. Sammy's walks take about an hour and a half ... Time to get back to those everyday too. That is one of my favorite activities ... and definitely one he looks forward to.