“All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on ~ Havelock Ellis

yesterday ... driving up to return C to camp ...
we did end up missing movie night which woulda been ... Ice Age 

today ... just a notebook to write out a grocery list ... found this ... 

looks like something one might write on a blackboard ... Notes from "Zen Habits"

Painting the gate earlier today ... Sammy took himself for a walk

I don't think he listens to me when I scold him, but he does like moments like this

 “Art distills sensations and embodies it with enhanced meaning.”  Miguel de Unamuno

and this ... we gotta have this

~found image ... idk,but perfect

the pot

this one came out of the fire yesterday

light turquoise and peridot

I like to leave clay outside the vessel exposed, and this time I wanted to apply the glaze upside down covering the bottom and flowing towards the rim of the bowl

the inside is solid turquoise

this is my favorite thing I've thrown so far

Once the girls are back in school I will have a bit more time to devote to pottery doings.  It's not that interesting, but ... I like something about it quite a bit.  The wheel encourages me to zone out, while at the same time keeping myself together.  That may not make sense ... I think of it like this ... "I", the physical me, has to be focused to be part of executing a thrown piece ... elbow tucked, body centered ... focused ... my hands are learning how to do this ... the clay informs me and I listen with my hands.  The round and round of the wheel is somewhat mesmerizing, and the clay has some sort of  ju ju ... it is seductive.  I don't aspire to much more then amusing myself with this little past time ... pencil cups for the kids, that sort of thing.  

I would like to hand build new bases and tops for two cut glass lamps.  L and I bought these for our home back in the very early days of our marriage ... I still remember the day.  We weren't lamp shopping, but I saw shafts of prism-ed light dancing through a store window and was delighted ... we went inside.  L insisted that we could afford them ... we really couldn't, but I am glad he did.  The heavy glass torqued out the base connection several years ago, and they have been wrapped up in storage ever since ... tell you the truth, I like seeing this one just laying on the table, it is collecting and dispersing little beams of joy around the room.  I am excited about getting these little treasures back up lighting up some smiles.

The glass is etched with a signature ... we will collaborate on this ... cool.

At five this morning when my husband was leaving for the day I was sitting up in bed reading about some super hot, very cool, high performance departure ... great way to start the day, I should save this for when I have coffee in hand ... but I don't ... maybe I'll read it again then.  

L was trying to give me a list of things to do with out giving me a list of things to do ... he has a highly developed way of saying without saying (which annoys me when I hear it but later find sort of amazing ... like a puzzle ... oh yeah, exactly that, encrypted communications ... which I hear while checking my buttons, this isn't about me unless I make it so ... easy there ... ) ..."yes dear, I will see the insurance guy today ... yes, I'll get that all buttoned up .... yes, it's movie night (what the heck? Captain Dave has selected a favorite comment ... and it wasn't mine ... well, yes ... that was a really good comment ... hmmm ... favorite comment huh?  Good idea in case there is a book forth-coming ... that guy is either uber genius or just blind lucks in to some potential magic ... I wonder if/how this will affect future comments) ... yes I think she would like that (V will be joining us for date night) ... yes, yes, I'll remind him (list for the kids begins), and I have a thing at the airport at 1:30 ... then, we'll pick you up for the movie ... do you want some coffee? I ask as he comes out of the closest set for the day.  Nope ... he'll get coffee at the office.

I was alone in the kitchen fixing dinner last night when my phone lit up ... one of my fly guys ... he is so excited about his new ride and he knows he can count on me to be high quality happy for him ... pilots don't always default to enthusiastic listening mode when hearing about a bud's good fortune ... not enough coins to go around in commercial aviation.  I know enough to ask the right questions ... about the engine ... and the avionics ... and how did the seat feel ... "Holy sierra!  Awesome!  No goofball, it's not overpowered, you're just accustomed to flying crap up off the ground ... now for the good stuff!"  ... I am so proud of these guys.  He spools down eventually ... telling me I really should reapply out there ... there is something supremely bittersweet in these conversations for me.  I am very pleased for my guys, but ... their news always probes a spot in me that I have to repackage in the after quiet.  I have learned to say that the guy not allowing me to be hired actually did me a big favor 'cause I don't need to bring the drama home with me (CFI work is hard work and would be made more so in a hostile environment) ... buddy says that is truer then I can possible know.  I actually do know how true that is ... it took a lot of work to accept it ...  as truth you don't wanna hear always does.  I think I will be glad when these guys stop calling to check in on me. It stirs the pot that I have taken off the stove.

So ... the one thought I sat down with to write this morning ...

I have noticed that by time one gets really good at something ... it seems like time on that is up ... you build it right up to the point where it ... ends ... and that whatever it was ... prepares you for the next thing.  Wouldn't I love to take this wisdom back to me in my twenties.  I think I have learned a lot of important stuff ... about what is actually important mostly (sigh) ... .

Well ... hair to wash and dry ... calls to make ... a good day ahead I do believe.

ps ... that's funny ... I publish this post and then scroll through to proof read ... do I really want to say that stuff aloud ... yeah, pretty much okay ... and I flip down to look at that beautiful picture below ... and yesterday's photo ... and I notice, all my pots are empty.  I'm waiting to see what gets cooking next cause I have a ton of very interesting ingredients on hand.  Some super cool stuff could be up next.

Ice crystal refraction

via weatherunderground 

... attributed to: wgrobe Thailand 10 July 2012 ...

spectacular

Parhelion ... Sun Dog

Halo

how?

the view from my front porch/coffee spot this morning ... fresh pine straw and rain

Last night I dreamed that I was running the vacuum cleaner on the grass next to the side walk where I was working yesterday.

In the dream, I looked back at the house to see the cord coming from the front porch outlet (I wondered why don't I unplug this nonsense ... and how securely is it plugged in? ... I felt like I was dragging the cord through the shrubs, tearing them up) and I looked down at the dry bits of grass which had fallen from the lawn mower bag ... I felt self-conscious ... like ... this is totally wrong.  

Lol!  I don't even own a vacuum cleaner ... and ... I can't imagine practicing this level of persnickety.  I think it's interesting that I was editing the behavior in the dream ... like, what in the world am I doing?  

Yesterday Two asked me if I could remember any of my dreams of late ... I think I see why I'm forgetting them ... I'm going to go to that dream dictionary site and see what the images interpret as ... 

Running a Vacuum cleaner :

To dream that you are vacuuming signifies a loss of control. You feel that you are being sucked up by some problem. Alternatively, the dream represents your desires to keep up appearances. Things may look fine on the surface, but some problem still persists underneath.

Cord

To see cords in your dream symbolize a lack in independence in a situation or relationship. You are feeling restricted or tied down. If the cord is being cut, then it indicates that you are breaking those relationships that have held you back.

Grass

To see green grass in your dream suggests that there is a part of yourself that you can always rely on.  (I was vacuuming dead/dry clippings off of the green grass)

I do feel sucked up with all the relationship dynamics in my life ... and I am looking for construction ways to help things towards better.  That dream dictionary is interesting.  Here's their intro:  Symbols are the language of dreams. A symbol can invoke a feeling or an idea and often has a much more profound and deeper meaning that any one word can convey. 

this everyday I am grateful ... thankful of this    This/that  It was  ...  difficult to hike to this/that place ... a scary place, not a resting place, for my soul ... more like opening a door and finding a mirror ... surreal.  Excellent.  And ... everyday ... everyday I am grateful for this/that  63/1000 ... could be the complete 1000.

Mindfulness meditation aka ... Thankfulness

Mindfulness meditation training changes brain structure in eight weeks
...The analysis of MR images, which focused on areas where meditation-associated differences were seen in earlier studies, found increased grey-matter density in the hippocampus, known to be important for learning and memory, and in structures associated with self-awareness, compassion and introspection. Participant-reported reductions in stress also were correlated with decreased grey-matter density in the amygdala, which is known to play an important role in anxiety and stress.

... 

Small trials have suggested that such meditation creates more than spiritual calm. Reported physical effects include lowering blood pressure, helping psoriasis to heal, and boosting the immune response in vaccine recipients and cancer patients. In a pilot study in 2008, Willem Kuyken, head of the Mood Disorders Centre at Exeter University, showed that mindfulness meditation was more effective than drug treatment in preventing relapse in patients with recurrent depression. And in 2009, David Creswell of Carnegie Mellon University in Pittsburgh found that itslowed disease progression in patients with HIV.

Most of these trials have involved short courses of meditation aimed at treating specific conditions. The Shamatha project, by contrast, is an attempt to see what a longer, more intensive course of meditation might do for healthy people. The project was co-ordinated by neuroscientist Clifford Saron of the Centre for Mind and Brain at the University of California, Davis. more here Shamatha Project


I think this is exactly the same thing as thankfulness expressed ... not petitions ... gratitude.

While weeding I discovered that the local rabbit population is eating my begonias
these transplanted from the ground to a pot on the front porch
the nightlife around here must be really something!

Today will be a good day to catch up on tending the front flower beds ... at least those nearest to the door.   D's husband is in the hospital with heart concerns ... I wishwishwish I could be with her today.  Last night she was actually comforting me about my concerns for him and her... that is what she does, and she will spend today taking care of the people around her ...  I would like to help create a little needed space around her today.  Even very strong women need a moment occasionally.

Today I will wrap up the "looking an home insurance" which turned in to auto insurance too.  Insurance companies like to bundle.  Here's what I found out ... not everyone is offering comparable service/product for the same amount of money.  My top three are actually quite divergent in both quadrants.  The best package is actually being offered for the least amount of money ... today I am researching the stability of that company ... a National name product.  Our car insurance has been with USAA forever ... before me forever.  Turns out, not shopping your insurance may be costly.  I am thinking of the policy as a contract rather then as a relationship.  Some companies reward good driving records by lowering deductibles for example ... that seems better then friendly to me. Anyway ... I'll have this ready for discussion this evening.  Husband has already asked me to look another financial decision that we may want to tweak.   He likes that I like doing this for our family.  This is exactly the sort of thing I like doing ... quantifying exactly what we have and researching options for making that better.   I really think some financial decisions should be routinely reassessed ... life just stays very busy.  One of my friends back in the day kept a calendar of things which should be considered yearly ... like when is the best time of year to purchase a new car ... or white sales ... super smart ... February was love month ... I think she bought all the cards that would be sent out for birthdays etc. during February ... stuff like that.  I sure would like to see how all that evolved.  They had a standard monthly dinner menu based on seasonal trends!  Wow ... I had forgotten about all that.

Here's what I'm thinking about:

Herb house ... I can start this with the boxes!  This is the sort of thing my dad built in our back yard.  I had zero interest in gardening back then, but I thought his little houses were ingenious.  Love this.

Also ... think this is fabulous ... and I'm pretty sure I will make this.   I guess getting out my sewing machine comes next, after the chair and ottoman are complete.  It is nice to have the time to make my stuff how I want it to be.  This is possible more rewarding then teaching 20 year olds how to fly.  The CAP stuff may be enough.

Morning Glory

photo from Pinterest ... with no credit

the chair

I do like this chair finish ... lots and lots of sanding (that's not the part I like ... lol)!

One of the things that a pretty wonderful life allows me to think is important is good sheets.  I know you're sort of somewhere else when you're asleep, but I think your body knows, during recharge mode, when stuff feels really right.  Personally, I prefer white sheets ... partly because I just like white cotton fabric ... and a little bit because they can be bleached and blued back to pristine.  And, I like to sew a lace edge on to the pillow cases ... always on the look out for beautiful old lace, like sheets, real lace just gets better with time. 

I have a little project brewing on the back burner.  We have more top sheets then bottom sheets in the linen closet ... I am going to use that mellow old(ish) fabric to make a new dust ruffle ... and ... some more lovely pillow cases with this vintage lace.  Inspired by the bella notte collection of bed linens ... like these photos from their site:

And ...
I've been thinking about Clarkston, Georgia ... last stop on the transit line East of Atlanta.  Refugees from the hottest hellholes currently active on the planet have some incredible how found their way to Clarkston.  Recycled people ... who need rest ... the tired and poor huddled masses yearning to breathe free ... wretched refuse ... .  Four visited there last week and sent pictures home ...

... because I love to cook, and we love to experiment with different cuisines.  Sometimes the ingredients are very difficult to track down.  Four was pumped about this market ... she said food stuffs from all over the world could be found here and the prices didn't seem to be inflated.  That's my girl ... looking out for me.  L and I talked about visiting over there ... not too far away for a day trip.  She also told me some of the stories of the people who have found their way there.  Tragically brutal stories.  So ... I started my little internet search of all about Clarkston Georgia.  And ... it's complicated. Not everyone is thrilled with the influx of ... these lives.  The mayor has (apparently) ruled that only America games can be played on the City fields ... ummm, baseball not soccer.  Lotsa squawking.  I come to learn about this with a bias ... the fact that these people survived the physical, emotional, spiritual hailstorms visited upon them seems to me to be a modern day miracle ... a whole pile of them stacked up and dumped smack dab in the middle of the Bible belt strikes me as significant.  And ... it didn't take any searching at all to see people expressing fears about what sort of stink these people may have brought along with them when allowed access through the golden doors. Interesting.  Complicated ... .
I wonder how the miracle people in the Bible were received ... lepers for example ... my Granddad lost a couple of finger parts on his left hand somewhere along lifes way ... it was creepy until it just seemed like his hand.  I can sorta understand the sides of this, and there are more then a few ... too many to just make a box and put this in it.  I'm thinking of a woman ... maybe about my age ... birthing and tending her ten children, fixing meals, mating socks ... living, loving ... in her home her babies and her husband were killed for accepting the Christian faith in a place with no room for an American god ... she was left for dead but somehow survived.  I don't know her.  I do know that being victimized doesn't not necessarily make one a lovely person.  My daughter had the impression that she was a good woman.  Is everyone of those refugees as awesome ... doubt it ... I'm not so sure about everyone in my own little church ... okay, honestly, I have surprised myself choosing "bad" behaviors while wishing for opportunity to behave even worse ... . These guys may have brought violence previously unknown to this small Southern town.   I don't know. I know my heart  reaches towards a mother with empty arms.

I'm thinking about ... recycled.    I'm thinking of these souls  ...  too good to just throw away, presenting themselves with more then frayed edges and holes caused by harsh treatment  ... messed up, definitely imperfect ... I mean, how do you get to here, a relative paradise, from there, hell on earth, and what is left of the essential you ... what does one do with that?
And, what is our response to that amazing set of circumstances.  These lives tell stories that I think we are supposed to hear ... maybe ...

Note to self ...
Clarkston Ga.
Gorham Bluffs, Al.

Note on Lewis and Clark stuff

each of these is about the size of my fist x 6

Lewis and Clark, hunting and recipes from the trail  says these guys ate 9 pounds of meat per day ... is that even possible?  I'm thinking about it, and I'm going to have to ask the meat counter guy to stack up 9 pounds of steak for me to see what that look like.

here ... now

 I like that it's cool enough inside to "fog" up the windows ... thankful for air-conditioning, and green grass ... and another day of sunshine, if that's how it's going to be today ... this can be a pretty laid-back day for me today ... from 9:30 on to dinner time I can do pretty much whatever I might choose ... that's pretty awesome, the luxury of that ... knowing that woke me up with a big smile ... .

 This is the last old chair from the garage ... this was "inherited" from husband's side and I just didn't know what to do with it ... missing pieces, but maybe repairable ... I didn't think of myself as able to repair furniture and it has just been sitting n the garage waiting for a light to come on somewhere.  Once I started seeing these things as available for my tinkering ... well, things have been changing.  I was bothered by, but tolerating the garage thing because I didn't consider that stuff really my stuff, and I figured the problem would solve itself when we moved to the beach.  Then ... we didn't move to the beach. So ... I started wearing swimming suit bottoms under my sundresses ... zig-zagged party lights under the back porch, and started tackling the garage.  I hate to think what feng shui penalties may have already been extracted.  Order is good ... and because I have thought of a lot of that stuff as stuff waiting to be thrown away, it's pretty easy to try my hand at making it better.  Ummm, like this chair.  Belonged to someone's grandfather in it's prime, now missing the connectors between the legs which would make it sturdy enough for actual seating ... it is also missing its seat.  Yeah, basically junk.  But until recently it was not my junk in not my garage.  Now it begins to be mine.  Last night I sanded it and applied this antique jade stain.  As yet undecided about the look of the stain.  I kinda love seeing the wood, but with wood floors through our home I want a little variety of color ... so colored stain seemed like a good idea.  Today, I'll sand and probably apply another layer of stain.  I think it is a process.  I don't know if I like it or think it just looks a bit ... moldy.  Lol,  we will see!  If I start to love it, I'll put it back together and find some amazing fabric for a new seat.

This morning's radar ... it's raining on my brother.  The pressure gradients are states apart with a stationary front delineating the North from the South.  I wish I had been as interested in stuff when I was younger as I am now ... by now I'd already know so much cool stuff that I may not have time to find out about now.  I really like weather stuff for example ... who knew!?!?

I have finish up stuff to do with the paint and wood trim in the living room and den ... and some weeding in the front beds ... and other then that ... some goof off time before I begin my next little set of projects.  I get to go fabric shopping next Monday.  Pottery studio time this week.

Couple of other things ... One ... It's been kinda weird over here with the church thing.  I expected finding a great church home to be the very least of our concerns when I realized we were moving to the deep South, I mean, there's a church on practically every corner.  I didn't know that we would be so weird, spiritually and otherwise, and I didn't know that groups of believers would be so weird. I mean ... collectively, groups of people can be pretty weird ... I think I thought I would bring my weirdness to the house of God and get right ... eventually.  So ... for the twenty or so years we've been here it's been not great settling in to a church home.  Which is important to me ... we've stayed feeling like visitors sort of.  Sort of.  And ... I thought when we move back home at least I will be with the sort of weird that I'm most like, uh, comfortable with.  Then ... we didn't move.  Someone is saying we will in three years, but ... .  But.  So I decided to reallyreallyreally live as right here and right now as I possible can.  And ... it feels pretty good.  One thing I've noticed is that it is almost as difficult not to look too far back as it is not too look too far forward.  It's that stillness thing I've been ... hmmm, accepting I guess is the best word.  Still feels good but it also feels a bit creepy.  Yeah ... it really does have a feeling.   It feels like being very present in right now.  The good thing about it is the richness of now.  The creepy is ... well, it creeps me out to think about it ... maybe it is acknowledging that I'm not as in control of my situation as I would like to feel that I am.  I don't know.  I really don't know.  It's difficult to think about exactly.  hmmm.  I plan a trip from here to there, and I expect and even enjoy the "pop-ups" along the way ... I like the scenery and the bumps are fun ... yep a trip in a plane totally rocks.  Yeah ... that's it.   It creeps me out to not know where things are headed ... and at the same time ... stuff I thought I was so sure about ... foundation stuff ... turned out to be an illusion ... a construct.  Now ... most stuff out there feels that way so I stay close to myself here in this moment as I am able to.  This sounds weird ... even as I try to think about it it seems weird.
Well, I started this paragraph to note ... we have a real preacher at the church my husband has the most affinity for ... and I am so relieved.
The other thing ... I'm going to be finished with my home projects pretty soon, probably this summer.  I've been discussing getting  job with my husband.  He doesn't want to say it ... exactly ... but he really doesn't want me to get a real job.  He likes the idea of me doing substitute teaching in the local school system.  I ... hate to admit it, but I am not fond of other people's children when they come in huge groups. And ... from what I hear, no real teaching happens at all.  From what I hear, the subs basically babysit ... everyone plays with their phones ... lots sitting around.  60 bucks a day ... and you're stuck there with nothing to do.  And ... sixty bucks is minimum wage before taxes at our filing jointly rate.  I just don't know.  L loves the idea.  The convenience of being able to say No ... I have errands to run today so I'm not available for that ... sick kid, husband needs shirts picked up ... and then on days when no one else needs me, I'm free to go earn some spending money.  I really can see why housewives find all kinds of trouble to get in to.  So ... I'm trying to find something to do that works with here.

with first coat of poly ... still undecided on this technique ... it reminds me of old cowboy boots and I love it ... then it just looks moldy ... and that's never a good thing. It feels good ... my hand likes it.

This is what I'm working on pottery-wise right now. This bowl had dried to the point where I could carve little curling lines in to it, some are deeper, others less so.  Trying to figure out how to get something which can be seen under a glaze.  I'm going to use turquoise on the inside and for about the  top two fifths of the outside, excluding where I will wax the rim before applying glaze then I'm going to paint the bottom green peridot and let it run into the turquoise. I'll splash some inside the pot too.  When the bowl is flipped right side up I hope the glaze will appear to be embracing the clay.  Some of the etching will be accented with iron oxide ... experiments.  It's fun ... bunches of fun.

One of my buddy girls sent this today ... sometimes it's good to see yourself through the eyes of those who especially know and love you ... I guess that is exactly what I have been doing ... adjusting my sails.

Romulan Ale

Kinda cool ... well, I think it is!
The pressure acting on the "spout" is greater then the relative pressure trap within yesterday ... so higher pressure infers relatively "better" weather.  Condensation inside shows the story of a relatively cooler night. I'm glad I hung this up ... colored water so I can see it clearly from my coffee spot inside ... and two little crystal do-dads from the long gone chandelier.  I have a ton of drop shaped crystals, but I use them on the Christmas tree ... I see how this begins ... just one more little jewel ...  next thing you know you're full blown that weird (but sweet) old lady!

I have some fun memories associated with this little Romulan ale sipper ... it was pretty easy, okay too easy, to get the guys to carry this up on a little flight ... and come back down with "peepee pants" ... lol ... sure is a wonderful visualization of pressure change with altitude.

I'm glad it's where I can enjoy it again.

1.5 hours later then photo above
yeah, it's fun
L says he's glad to see me embracing my inner nerd

treasure box

Sculptor and public artist, Olga Ziemska,
uses reclaimed willow branches and wire
to create these complex organic figures.

Tiny drops of last night's rain shimmer on the window screens this morning ... my front lawn looks like a diamond field.  The rain came yesterday, fast, and furiously slinging little white balls of ice, hail almost, but not really.  I had laid a fire in the BBQ grill just earlier, and steam streamed from the top of it as the rain pour down ... the steaks turned out perfect. So ... this morning ... the storm left sparkling droplets and that shimmery silver light that promises a very hot and humid day ... and maybe more showery rain as the sun sails toward dusk.

This little Christmas ornament is hanging in the rose vine (I wish I could hang a lot more of them out there, and maybe I will as I get older and can blame the whimsy on eccentricity) ... it's a little glass bird.       I have a beautiful glass barometer that stays put up, so it won't get broken, I think today I will make it my project to hang it right out there where it can delivery joy ... a perfect companion to this delicate bird.

This morning, I was re-reading the story of the woman who had been sick for 12 years.  12 years is a long time ... I thought back to what my life was twelve years ago ... my body was making a child ... it's easy for me to remember back that far and forward to now from there.  It would be a long time to spend sick, reaching towards "healing".  Here's a part of the story ...  
Mark 5:27 (NIV) 
When she heard about Jesus she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, (v28) because (I love this part) she thought "If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.  ... and (v29b)  ... she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering. 
later, in verse 34, Jesus says ... "Daughter, your faith has healed you, Go in peace and be freed from your suffering."

I like it, I like it a lot.  Seems like I always want Jesus to touch my life, for him to reach out his invisible hand to me, and I know I am guilty of saying ... Uh, where are you?  I want to at least feel your presence (and I am not so secretly dismayed that God set this up as Him invisible and yet ... not ... I wish it were easier ... ).

Right over on the next page I re-read a note I left for myself written in the margin of my Bible;
Jesus
compassionate
touch is soft
How can I?
1. spend time with Jesus - let his heart beat in me
2. see people as Jesus sees us

here's the verse ... (Jesus feeds the five thousand) Mark 6:34 ... he had compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd ... .

The five people I spend the most time with .... hmmm.  I know that would be my family, but ... I think there's more written between the lines here in this little saying.   I think I bend or form myself in collaboration with who I value ... and value is asserted with time.  The time I have to spend and where I spend it ... clearly on what I value.  And ... I think I would do well to reach for the invisible hand of Christ more often, more purposefully.  I do know what it's like to reach for an invisible hand.  I have a good strong picture of that in my heart ... and ... I know God can make good things come from the most fumbling of my attempts. 

I also want to note, while I'm remembering it ... David was talking to the children at church and I listened ... he had a flattened packing box which he observed would hold nothing ... he said it is a box, but it is not useful as a box while it remains unopened.  I thought of all those boxes loaded up on the freight planes ... flying through the starlit sky ... treasure boxes, smile makers.  Obviously, his point was, we might open our lives and find ourselves filled ... useful.

I'm not really doing the "bucket list" anymore.  I am trying to find the joy in this day, this place ... rather then fantasizing a fabulous list of somedays ... somewheres.  But ... I saw this and ... I think it is a perfectly lovely place.  Nova Scotia.  Magical.  I love these colors ... rock and water ... solid and liquid ... the scale ... all of it.  I am glad to see this picture.

I think I may spend most of my time, the time I absorb, thinking about stuff I have read and pictures I have seen.  I spend a lot of my time alone ... and even when I am with people, I am careful to chose how with them I am.  Maybe too careful.
Well, I'm thinking about that ... and I'm thinking about that woman thinking about reaching out and touching Jesus ... it was a good idea.

From my back porch ... ++RA and baby GR

this ... is one of ... those days ...

I just want to take the day off.
It feels like one of those lazy summer days.
I walk through my house and I see several things that want to be done ... a few which must be ... .  I bought a new mop and some of that Murphy's Oil Soap which I love the clean smell of.  Yeah, I should mop all the wood floors today, and the kitchen.  And ... I should wipe the stainless steel appliances with those neat little stainless wipies.  Dishwasher has to be unloaded, doesn't do that all by itself ... lol.  I still have not steamed the folds out of the living room drapes ... and ... I have a pot at the studio wrapped up to keep it moist enough for the design I want to carve into it before it's fired for the first time.  I do like that pottery stuff, pretty much.  Have also decided to sand that sea glass paint off of that chest of drawers that won't be going to the beach anytime soon.  Yeah, I loved the sun light sparking through those new glass pulls ... then I moved it out of the light, because it picked at me ... change of plans type picks ... life type picks.  Now ... after looking locally for upholstery fabric for those two pieces, and not finding "it" ... I have purchased a can of Minwax water based wood stain ... Antique Jade (and a plan to shop for fabric in the big city, next camp drop off run ... ).  I think it will be just the right product and color for a chest that wants to be back where the sun shines.  It is going to rock!  Trial run on the last chair hanging on a wall in the garage ... if I do this less interesting stuff, maybe I can squeeze that in as a reward ... early release for good behavior.  So ... I can't go do pottery because I have too much home stuff to do, and I can't do fun home stuff because I have too much not fun stuff to do ... so ... which Pandora station is going to make this work for me? ... gonna havetah jack it up some ... it's gonna take some serious guitar ... .

Blue Shell Crab

washed up under the jetty ...
a picture of the picture for H. 

lol ... heavy research complete ... findings ... I may be should be paying more attention, surely there is more to worry about then I am making time for ... !

I am a bit worried about a couple of things, but I do truly believe they will work themselves out.  Let's see ... what was I worried about this time last year ... hmmm ... .
I can see when I am more anxious then usual ... I have bad dreams.  Lately, I've been sleeping pretty well. And, I have a bunch of new stuff to think about when I wake up. ... And, this morning, a breakfast guest told me about a new book out by Haidt  titled The Righteous Mind.  And ... I think I'm going to just order it, 'cause the last book I read of his rocked. Or ... maybe this very detailed review of the book might be enough ... I'll have to have it in my hand to decide.

Well it's not far back to sanity

At least it's not for me

And if the wind is right

you can sail away and find serenity

Oh, the canvas can do miracles

Just you wait and see

Believe me 
~Christopher Cross

These are really good colors ... I like the ocean quite a bit.  We were at the coast several times last summer ... this summer we hope to get away for a few days in August ... before the girls go back to school.  I wish I had learned how to surf ... I think the time for that is past.  I rarely see surf able waves where we go anyway ... they come with systems in the gulf, and those encourage us to head North.  I know I would love the sensation of surfing ... maybe it is a bit like sailing.

Lately, I have been getting more involved in the financial aspects of maintaining our life.  It shocks, and appalls, some of my friends that I ask my husband for money when I need or want something. People look at money (power) all different ways.  I guess we have structured a very traditional relationship ... until recently, rigidly so.  That didn't work as well for us as sharing the responsibilities has.  Recently we have found software to help manage the budget.  I like it a lot ... well, I did like it a lot until I spent a lot of it stocking up on essentials for miss summer away.  That took a pretty good bite out of the monthly grocery budget and the last couple of days required more creativity in meal planning then I am used to.  It was annoying to have plenty of available cash, but the constraint of waiting to make that budget work.  I think that is what a budget is though ... lol.  We could see a lot of money flying out of here on eating out and basically, thoughtlessness on grocery purchases.  Yesterday we bought crab legs for Three's special meal ... before the budget, I know I would have bought them at Sam's and I know there would have been enough in the box for at least three meals for our family.  Yesterday we bought just enough for the one meal ... and ... they were on sale where I bought them.  I probably paid less per pound then the Sam's price, but I know for sure that I made them fit in our monthly goals.  We like crab legs, but probably would be a lot less enthusiastic sitting down to that three of four times in a month.  The kids would love to eat pizza that often ... salmon that often ... lots of entrees ... crab is supposed to be special. (Yeah ... you both were missed One and Four)  L is starting to recognize some places where he would like to spend less of his money ... ummm, José ... who knew that triple sec is almost as good as Cointreau (yeah, not really, but at a quarter of the cost, it may be worth pretending) ... and ... he has observed that the tequila that he likes (a lot) is a lot more expensive then any of the other liquors ... he might want to consider vodka or gin drinks for example ... so far, not, but I concern myself only with the grocery budget.  He laughs that I won't buy mixers on my dime.  I tell him he can do shots ... or pick up his stuff at the bottle shop. Fortunately, he knows I am sorta kidding.  I am not much of a drinker ... now high end shampoo ... that is getting ready to be on the radar!  They don't sell my shampoo at the grocery store, and even if it is probably a ton more, it is so much better that no one can pretend it's not!  And, darn it ... yesterday we restocked my candle and the price on it had increased significantly, and the sales tax has gone up from7.25 to a whooping 9%.  I'm watching the use on that candle!  I may have to get used to the smell of lysol and rubbing alcohol!  He said we would stock up at the Yankee Candle outlet down at the beach.  It would be just mean of me to suggest that other companies make tequila, right?

So ... turns out I am pretty good at managing money.  We already knew that but, for some reason he has just done the hardest parts of this all by himself.  Last week he asked me to straighten out some glitch in the cellular bill ... with all these kids, we have had more then one account ... now we have just one and it's a lot easier to keep track of.  This week I am finishing up collecting bids on our homeowners insurance.  Tornados in the South have directly affected us though we sustained no damage, and have never needed to make an insurance claim.  Our company is out of the homeowners coverage business!  This has been pretty interesting and informative for me ... I have never done anything insurance wise, well, unless we can count telling them what our medical deductible is for well children visits ... . It is good to be insured!  I called an friend who is a financial advisor, and he gave me the download, and also made several recommendations.  I knew one guy that is in the insurance business here locally who I would not want to talk to, but other then that I was clueless.  Turns out everyone want our vehicle insurance coupled with the homeowners.  Everyone sees the need to diversify their risks.  Gosh, I'm glad I don't make a living selling insurance!  Our vehicle guys have bid to pick up the homeowners policy.  Now I am waiting on three other bids so we can make a best decision.  I have enjoyed learning about this and talking with the folks involved.  I really think both partners in a marriage should know about their finances ... it's just too much of a load for one person.

Chain link fence ahhhhrt

image from Pinterest ... 

image from Apartment Therapy

image from Apartment Therapy

This installation at The DeCordova Museum in Lincoln, Massachusetts. Created by artist Soo Sunny Park and composer Spencer Toppel (bc it has music intertwined in the installation area) ... more information here Capturing Resonance

There is a perfect place for this in our home ... well something like this.  I have to figure out the lucite squares, in other words, I have a stairwell which would accommodate this, and the enthusiasm to carry it out ... The boys took down the stair railing upstairs for some good reason of their own.  Now that Three is uh ... matriculating to real life ... we need a safety rail (at least) back up there.  I think C would be absolutely delighted with something like this.  I am thinking railing flowing to stairwell ceiling and partially down the stairs.  Beautiful.