Today, at work, one of my favorite people said he was exhausted because he was up late talking with a friend about marital issues. He asked me why people who have been married for 18 years will divorce ... people who are not experiencing infidelity or physical abuse. I said I don't know ... but I do have a few ideas about that. He and I have talked about this sort of thing before. He can see (for other people - not him) the possibility of leaving a marriage for "someone" better. Last time we talked about this I told him I personally do not believe there is some one better...only someone different. I firmly believe the notion of "the grass is greener over there" is nonsense. I believe the grass is different sorta...the same kinda...the weeds are different...the sticker patches are undiscovered but they're there. I think even if there was a possibility of some perfect person to do life with there'd still be the problem of me and all my baggage. All by myself, I am messed up enough to mess up the relationship. It seems ludicrous to me that a person would think to leave a relationship because they think they could/would be happier with someone different. I have, over the past 30 years, spent some time thinking about this - and I am willing to bet that my husband has too! I think of marriage - really of all important relationships - a little differently then I've heard other people express. My husband says he thinks your life partner completes you. I think that is ridiculous and probably manipulative. I think of it almost totally differently (that doesn't make me right - I know). I think you make a commitment to a person - like a husband or a child, maybe a friend. I think you make promises...uneducated promises, but promises all the same. I think you figure out stuff that you didn't notice before you made the promises as you go along. Some of the surprises are nice and some of them are pretty awful - the awful ones are the ones you are tempted to focus on...which is pretty self defeating.
When I was very little my older brother used to "boost" me up to the water fountain so I could get a drink. I wouldn't have wanted to walk around thirsty, but no matter how tippy toed I could get I wouldn't have been able to reach. I think I was very lucky to have a brother like him. He kept a eye out on me ... I think that is what we do for each other in relationships. There are days when we get on each others last nerve. There are days when we disappoint each other. We all have stupid days full of stupid thinking and stupid talking and doing. I think, ideally, we let each other see where the "stuff" is in our lives and we just do our best to boost each other up for a drink. No hosing each other with water...no ice to make it better...no nothing no matter how well intentioned...just a little boost at the fountain when we can't quite reach it.

Define respect (notes)
..."And it can be described in many different ways.

Respect is never deserved, but rather can only be earned. Respect can only be given, but never taken. Respect can never be demanded, lest it will never be given. Respect is hard to gain, but easy to lose.

Respect is not judging people who believe differently than you, nor is it forcing them to succumb to your will. Respect is to live and let live. Respect is taking responsibility, not laying blame. Respect is understanding principle, even though it differs from yours.

Respect is seeing people, not only for what they are, but also for what they could be. Respect is giving credit, not taking it for yourself. Respect is doing unto others as you would have others do unto you. Respect is seeing the best in people, not the worst.

Respecting others and respecting one's self always go hand in hand.
Posted: 04/03/2006 @ 05:12 AM (PDT)
maxwell edison 1133"
I think that is a pretty good definition of respect - I'm not totally satisfied bthis definition bu I'mthinkin about it and I hope to come up with a better definitionthen i've been able to find - I'm interesdin comments on this from y'all.

GOOGLE - Definition of respect (noun)
form: no plural
honor; esteem; high regard; consideration; attention

Notes on Cherish:
"Friends... they cherish one another's hopes. They are kind to one another's dreams."
~Henry David Thoreau
"Cherish your visions and your dreams as they are the children of your soul, the blueprints of your ultimate achievements."
~Napoleon Hill
define cherish
1) verb, to show great tenderness for; treasure (wordia.com)

I think working relationships have to be built on mutual respect. It's pretty tough to maintain respect for another person if you don't respect yourself. It seems impossible to maintain respect for another person when you are watching for their faults or short comings.
I think people sever their ties with others who they have made promises to because they can't figure out how to make the respect component work.

"Friends... they cherish one another's hopes. They are kind to one another's dreams."
~Henry David Thoreau I know - I put it here (again) because I think it is so perfectly true of all important relationships. This aspect - the cherishing - is the lovely part of respect.