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sehnsucht

(n.) "the inconsolable longing in the

human heart for we know not what";

a yearning for a far, familiar, non-earthly

land one can identify as one's home

Within that context I'm thinking about something I'm watching transpire … and it's sorta difficult to write about because it is a "perception" of what might be happening rather then a sterile stack of facts. It's kind of a perfect mess, because I feel myself not wanting to believe what I think I must be seeing … and everyone else watching with me doesn't want to believe it either (yeah, kinda like what seems to be happening with the Country … but different and on a smaller scale … and almost exactly, I think, what happens fairly routinely with life).  Now that I'm looking, and trying to decide what my role can best be in this actual event, set of circumstances, I'm starting to see it happening … all over the place.

We need something.  My something is different from your something. Or maybe "it" is precisely the same thing arrived at from a different "direction".

I see someone identify an other's need … a dream/yearning … a tender spot in one's makeup.  Maybe it is the desire to fly.  And maybe the opportunity to "journey" towards that with the expectation of arriving there is … made available … or seems to be being made available … for a price ($) that one, with a bit of a financial stretch, may make.

I know this little note is going to seem rather scattered, and so is my collection of thoughts on this … here's another part of the "quilt".  I have a student whom I have said I will fly with at no charge … my commitment is up to the point of solo … "I will help you along until you solo, then we will look at this commitment again."  A lot of people just want to work hard enough to get to the point of soloing … that is their goal.  The agreement has been that the student will pay for ground instruction only … and that I will direct the self-study curriculum; provide direction on acquiring the necessary info.  I think for every flight hour one should expect to spend at least three hours sitting somewhere reading the stuff, the ground stuff … aerodynamics, systems, regs, weather, ac performance, airspace, navigation … on and on … the stuff.  You gotta know a lot of stuff to fly safely and well. It's already been demonstrated that one can teach a chimp to "fly" … button pushing and yoke yanking is not flying well (Uh oh … I'm getting to something else entirely … !).  Truth is, flying is actually super easy … there is really nothing to it.  Flying well takes a good amount of effort, and a lot of that effort is pointed towards creasing the grey matter (so that you don't crease your plane, someone else's plane, or wrinkle/ruin anyone's life).  The difficult stuff is the ground stuff … it's not fun for everyone (I like it … but … I've noticed a lot of wanna be pilot/aviators don't want to exert the effort.)  My student, doesn't.  My student is a super awesome person who has a lot of interesting stuff to choose to do.  Ground stuff is not a priority and quite frankly, I've asked them to think about if now is the right time for them to be distracted by this worthy pursuit … I think this is something best saved for later for this particular person.  Student thinks I'm being an ole meany, while in fact, I am just trying to help them keep their savings acct. intact for the better timing of this "bucket-list" item.  The three hours they say they spent over the past six weeks on independent study just doesn't impress me as someone who really wants "this" right now.  I saw charging them for the bare minimum of ground instruction as a way of gauging their commitment to achieving their goal and valuing of my gift to them, a lot of free instruction.  I had already noticed a certain craftiness in trying to avoid paying for any of my time.  And that was troubling.  And … the student has cancelled more lessons then they've flown.  Unimpressive … .  So, on one hand I have a view of someone who says they want something … and it comes to them for a very minimum financial investment (they pay the hobbs time and fuel) … and the gift of that is slipping through their hands because I believe I want this for them more then they want want it for themselves … (and they blame me for that).  They say they want … and it is easily available … they do not "pick it up".

And then another batch of my students … have waited patiently for the "empty nest" stage of their lives … longing for the opportunity to learn how to fly.  They have "bought" in to a very nice plane and the price they paid up front comes with flight instruction.  They have expressed a "longing" … and have prepaid for the means to accomplish a life long dream … and I think they have given their money to a man who will default on his promises to them (and maybe even intended to do so from the onset).  I am afraid that they have been conned.  The dream seller has contracted flight instruction for them through me and I can already see that me getting paid is … tenuous at best.  They say they will pay my hourly fee directly … and it breaks my heart to see them in this position.  They  have already paid in advance for instructional time, I'm supposed to invoice him for that (and then be paid).  The other part of my "job" is to fly prospective "owners/ buyer-inners" on discovery flights.  He says let them pay me directly for their flight and let him follow up with the dream selling part.  I am in a position to see that the dream quickly becomes a nightmare … so it seems to me.  I do not "generate" prospects for him … and I think when he realizes that dreamers aren't lining up to purchase the remaining shares of this, whatever it exactly is  … that he will move on to his next deal. I hope the owners are putting their heads together on this … .  

It's very hard to come to grips with the idea that you have fallen prey to a scam.  

So … with what I think I see happening in "real life" what am I supposed to actually do and maybe more importantly what am I to give and take away from these life happenings?  (Both right this minute "to do" stuff, and long term life lesson stuff.)

Recently I was working diligently on learning some spiritual lessons about how

I don't listen to God … via helping people with instructional pointers/insights on how to improve their landing technique.  I mean … it's really hard for folks to hear "you" when they are otherwise occupied with landing an airplane.  And … talking about the landings when one is not landing isn't really that helpful … everyone "knows" what they are supposed to do when they are not being required to do it.  We can agree to make the first turn in the pattern at 500' agl … and when we are actually in the plane flying it I sit there silently waiting for any tiny movement towards doing that as we shoot through twice that … "We are climbing at 1700fpm …"  I prompt to little avail … I practice patience.  If what we are working on is a closed pattern … landings … grossly excessive altitude before making the crosswind turn is not correctable for the person who does it over and over again … they do not have the experience, or what ever juice it takes, to correct poor technique.  I can say "start your turn … ease the power back … trim for that airspeed … "  I can say, sometimes they can do it, sometimes they can't.  Sometimes they can't hear me in a way that makes their hands and feet move.  

I try to teach them how to land … while they teach me how to listen better for instruction in my own life.  

I have a secret need.  I really need something.  I have identified it and "label" it as sehnsucht. I  need to "feel" God nearby … that is "home"  that is where I find rest, and peace …

• love that will never let you down and never give up on you but will hang on to the end … Chesed: 

 It's interesting to observe in my own little life where I have looked for that … where I have thought that might be found, where I have believed "it" was found … and how I reacted upon realizing it wasn't.  It's been interesting to observe  what I might "settle" for in lieu of that … and the sadness that settling tends to create … and the weariness that continuing to search for it tends to create … and this:  when I am "still" knowing where home is, is easy, hearing the voice is easy … but/and in the middle of "doing life" it's not so easy, there are rare shimmering moments when it is, but they haven't quite come together in a permanent tangible way yet … so I continue the orphic journey … .

with these->

metanoia
(n.) the journey of changing one's mind, 
heart, self, or way of life 

aeipathy
(n.) an enduring and consuming passion

kairos
(n.) the perfect, delicate crucial moment;
the fleeting rightness of time and place
that creates the opportune atmosphere for
actions, words, or movements; also weather