hope

Lee D. Baker (2007) ~Flick

While I was in Texas I acquired a traffic ticket ... apparently I was caught in the act of skimping on a stop before turning right on red ... photo capture ... 75 bucks + another 25 because I fumed about it too long.  I don't even have the paperwork anymore ... it has sunk somewhere near the bottom of all    this   stuff ... pinged my brother's pristine driving record (I wish I could tease him that it was probably him driving, it was his truck after all ... his truck was out misbehaving!)  Anyway ... I should be calling them right this minute to get that taken care of.  Not a fan of traffic cameras ... put in same bucket as deer stand in the middle of a corn-laced field ... just not sporting ... technology is draining the good clean fun factor out of driving ... lol)

Yes ... I re-scheduled my colon probe procedure.  Two inquired just yesterday (and rather indelicately I thought), "Did you get your butt check."  These colon polyps tend to be genetic (so you get those with the fabulously long legs Angelbaby).  I think the time may come when my kids learn to say "colonoscopy".  It's a fairly benign sounding word ... I've had several since my mid 40's and they suck.  I dislike the procedure so very much that I had been putting another go at it off  ... for a couple of years now ... you know, no time is the right time for someone to enter through the exit only portal.  I am sensitive about that.  But ... I did have the referral sitting on the dining room table when we left to take Momma to the doctor (and hang out with my brother and SHCFM sister he chose for me).
So ... next week.  Thursday.  And, in light of recent events, I have scheduled an appointment with my primary care guy ... he will most likely schedule other screenings, I will most likely insist that he do so.  Cancer is an adversary that I would not want to come up against.  

Yesterday was a good day for me.  I got out and drove around a bit in the jeep with the windows unzipped ... listened to some fun music ... .  While in Texas I gained 10 whopping pounds ... BBQ and maybe a few bites of BlueBell in support of the cattle industry (are dairy cows consider part of the cattle industry?)  I didn't exercise at all ... well I did a couple of rounds on the treadmill at Mom's building but not enough to even count (apparently).  Yesterday I made a commitment to get "back on track" ... my jeans (and everything else I own except pjs) are too tight.  Sammy was thrilled with the walk.  Dogs smile.  He was definitely smiling.  And I was too ... magnolias are blooming everywhere I look.  I love magnolia blossoms ... they smell so fresh ... and the flower itself is interesting ... and ... because they are blooming I thought of all my gardenia bushes which will be scenting the air pretty soon.

I still feel not myself  but I sense that things are re-setting.  There's still a ton of stuff to do in support of Mom's doings.  But yesterday I drove on to the ramp at my airport ... visited a bit ... and I went by my pottery studio and paid for this quarter's studio fee.  I am ready to work with the clay ... flying is still on hold while I sort myself out ... I'd love to fly with a pilot buddy, but students not at all.  One of the guys totaled his 208 while I was away and other then a broken back his is fine ... he was out there messing with his Navajo and said from now on he is done with single engine aircraft (we'll see) ... engine seized (probably) because of an interruption of service somewhere in the oil delivery ... it was relaxing to talk about stuff that actually makes sense.  It will be interesting to learn what the experts come up with on that.  Pretty amazing tale ... went down in the trees ... he said it was a miracle that everyone survived.  
I am starting to believe miracles are more common then I used to believe ... not less miraculous, just more abundant.  Maybe God is extravagant in His mercies ... . 
I think being a guest "at death" has helped me to be more sensitive to the reality of spiritual things.  I have tended to believe more firmly the things I can see or at least believe I am seeing (my perceptions) but after this time with Momma, and Tommy also, I feel  ... this ... I feel it more clearly:

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. 2 Corinthians 4:18
and this
For we live by faith, not by sight. 2 Corinthians 5:7

And, it's helping me realize that Hope is a very big deal.

It's creeping me out a little bit ... it touches my heart and that's always a bit emotional for me.  And ... I know "tender" is good, but it makes me feel vulnerable and that doesn't feel great.


Alright ... ticket, then a few errands.  Maybe I will have time to do my nails today (they look really bad).