crepuscular rays
Fuzzy, I know, the car was moving @80mph.  The sliver of moon didn't fare well either, but
sunsets on an open horizon are spectacular.
It's so good to be home.
I playfully speculate that the "crown" is over Albuquerque, New Mexico.

These two pictures are from the first good walk I've made time for in a while.  Walking some makes me want to walk more. I'm missing those two hour walks!  The little bird house, placed along the trail by a child I imagined, has attracted many tokens.  You can walk for miles and see no sign of mankind, well, excepting the trail itself which at times seems nothing more than a bunny trail. And the rock totems which arise out in the nowhere, just like a surprise.

Last night at choir practice the conductor said,  "let your voice lead you".  I thought that was interesting.  He was offering encouragement as we "picked through", sightread, an unfamiliar piece ... Bach ... lotsa little 16th note runs.  I made a mental note to take his precise words out of context later because I like the idea of voice, as in unique to you, your voice.  And not your singing or speaking voice exactly, more the idea of voice as uniquely yours, or more so - you.  So ... in the way I am thinking about it, one might manifest their "voice" by the way they fly an airplane (if they are have flown enough to have developed their way (and you can really only see that if you also have a flying voice I think).  Sure you can hear their actual voice as they speak, or sing, but I'm talking about how one expresses qualities that are subtle, and uniquely their own.  I think when you are able to "hear" someone very well who is expressing themselves at a higher level you may extrapolate "their voice" across a spectrum of activities.

I have one kid who also paints.  She could walk in to a room and select my five very different canvas out of 95 others because she understands me. Maybe it's how I hold the brush, the knife, whatever implement, maybe it is the color choices I most prefer, or the way I move around the canvas.  Whatever it is, it's telling.  I don't think my other four kids could do that particular thing, because none of them paint.  They haven't developed "an ear" for those "voices".

Back to that - "let your voice lead you" - 

I think we can and do develop observable and predictable "ways" of approaching life.  If you know me, you will accurately imagine what my kitchen drawers look like.  I bet.

I think that's the crux of why moving is such an interesting challenge for me.  I am, at my core, an everything has a place sort of person.  I'm like that.  

When the kids were at home, during their growing up years, I shifted to accommodate them ... towels weren't folded just so, canned goods weren't exactly where I would put them, mating all those socks became an impossible chore ... lol (sock therapy probably is a thing).  All that was no big deal.  Honestly, I think my husband is more comfortable in what I think of as  chaos.  His interpersonal boundaries are a lot more rigid and plentiful than mine but he seems unfazed by chaos.  I am his opposite.  He has a room that I simply don't enter.  It is his room.  Most of the time I don't even think about what he might be doing in there. 

Guess what?  This house is big enough for me to have a room of my own.  I hadn't thought of that until just now.  I wonder what I will make of it.

~ change of subject ~ 

I have gained an average of two pounds a month these past twelve months.  That sounds a lot better (to me) than saying, this year I gained 25 pounds.  It sounds better than saying I am no longer an 8-10.  I can think of worse ways to say it, but I will spare myself.

Earlier this year my internist referred me to an endocrinologist.  I didn't prioritize the visit because I wasn't feeling sick.  Getting on the scale has recently made me feel sickish so I made the appointment.  Yesterday a lab tech imperviously (I think it's the gloves that make them seem so disconnected) drew three big vials of blood.  Even as I thought I could spare it, it seemed a little creepy to watch it flow into glass tubes that were then barcoded and casually laid aside.  I left the lab with two plastic jugs and instructions on what to write with a Sharpie on their sides ... and what to put in them over the next 24 hours.  The lab tech asked me if I need one or two jugs and I said I have no idea what volume of peepee (I should have said urine, but I didn't) I might be able to produce during a 24 hour period. Anyway.  

Now it's time to deliver my results back to the lab.  I'll hear back in October.  I think my thyroid has glitched.  

As we (especially I *see above) sort through and settle in to our new home, many trips are being made to Salvation Army (etc.) with good items no longer needed here.  My husband has said several times (as he sees me filling boxes to go), don't get rid of your cute (smaller) clothing just yet.  He thinks I will lose the weight and want to wear some of my things again.  I think he is right about that.

All right - off to deliver my, the urine.  (I think it's kinda funny.)