Giant sunflowers. The seeds came as a gift in the mail from my oldest friend. The Fibonacci aspect is fun for me, I can’t wait to enjoy those pods unfurling. 

Finally have a “good start” on Morning Glories too!   

  

And later - once it was time to close in the greenhouse  - 

Still blooming after the vines were trimmed away and stacked on the compost pile. 

123/1000

 

HAVE you learned lessons only of those who admired you, and were tender with you, and stood aside for you? 
Have you not learned the great lessons of those who rejected you, and braced themselves against   you? or who treated you with contempt, or  disputed the passage with you? 
Have you had no practice to receive opponents when they come?

~ Walt Whitman, Leaves of Grass, 1867

It’s raining here, has been all day, and some of yesterday as well. The first cool front of 2020 has moved in ushering out the lamest summer of my life. Cover-19 restrictions shut down a planned family campout at the National Seashore ... big bummer, I seem to need a sand and salt reset.  Kids can't get away to join us, but L and I may take the dog down for a few days later in September. 

I have a new power washer.

3000psi is significant better than 2000psi

Love Language notes from August 2010

My husband and oldest son are off in pursuit of something Andrew Ellicott. They're going to Baton Rouge They'll be back late Wednesday. I'm glad my son is going. It's not his thing, but a break will be good for him. He's waiting to hear back from the Navy. Military downsizing has him concerned.

In Sunday school we have been watching a video series titled "The Five Love Languages" (Gary Chapman). It is amazing how differently people communicate and "hear" love. You would think that married couples had this whole thing pretty well figured out. My husband says I am very complicated and I sometimes sense him studying me - like a science project. I don't like that feeling. I think I am extremely uncomplicated - simple really.

We took the quiz - the love language quiz.
A.Words of Affirmation- L5,D6
B.Quality Time - L12,D8
C.Receiving Gifts - L0,D6
D.Acts of Service - L8,D5
E.Physical Touch - L5,D5

The quiz is set up with thirty question like this: 1 I like to receive notes of affirmation from my spouse (A) or I like it when my spouse hugs me (E). You work through the thirty choosing this more than that. I bet it would render different results if each question made all five choices available. My sample is weighted pretty evenly with Quality Time pulling slightly out front.

According to the author:
Words of Affirmation = "One way to express love emotionally is to use words that build up. Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Proverbs 12:18 Encouragement requires empathy and seeing the world from your spouses perspective. When you make a request of your spouse, you are affirming his or her worth and abilities."

Quality time = "Togetherness has to do with focused attention. Quality conversation means sympathetic dialogue where two individuals are sharing their experiences, thoughts, feelings, and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context."

Receiving Gifts = "Gifts are visual symbols of love. If the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not have. I Corinthians 8:12 The worth of gifts has nothing to do with monetary value and everything to do with love. Physical presence in the time of crisis is the most powerful gift you can give if your spouse's primary love language is receiving gifts."

Acts of Service = "Sometimes doing simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love." He suggests we make a list of items and rate their importance to us so that the act of service is actually what the receiver values. "The spouse who performs acts of service out of fear, guilt, and resentment understands clearly that these are not expressions of love. A doormat is an inanimate object. No person should ever be a doormat. Allowing oneself to be used or manipulated by another is not an act of love. You are allowing him or her to develop inhumane habits. Love says, I love you too much to let you treat me this way. It is not good for you or me."

Physical Touch = "...Physical touch is a way of communicating emotional love. Babies who are held, hugged, and kissed develop a healthier emotional life then those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact. Physical touch is also a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love. Whatever there is of me resides in my body. To touch my body is to touch me."

While I scored pretty evenly across the spectrum Quality Time was just a tad more important to me. That's probably true. I am sure that it is the most guarded of the expressions of love that I give. I really see time as limited and precious. When I share time with someone I see that as a big deal. There are so many cool things, so many necessary things, so many wonderful things - there's a lot to do and it all takes time. One of the most memorable things about my husband when we were dating was that he was always on time. He's been very reliable about time in the thirty years that we've been married. I really appreciate that. I remember a lesson learned when I worked with one flight instructor who routinely rearranged my flight lessons for some unknown reasons. It wasn't a huge problem but it was somewhat difficult for me because of my many time commitments. Our work together ended when he “blew off” one training appointment too many. Quality time is important to me.

Words of Affirmation and Receiving Gifts are next for me. Yeah - I think it is super important to speak politely and encouragingly ... to be caring. When I get exasperated or overwhelmed, mean talk is my first line of defense or offense. It always makes me feel horrible when
 I cool down. Mean talk just tears people down. That never makes anyone stronger or better. Nobody wins. I am getting a lot better at not talking or acting in a hurtful way.
Next gifts - I like to give gifts ... I like to spend a bit of time thinking about what someone would especially like. I'm big on thank you notes and thank you gifts. As far as receiving gifts - that makes me uncomfortable unless it's Christmas or my birthday.
The gift of physical presence seems super special to me, but hard to accept. I can see that trusting someone to be there for me is pretty difficult. I don't like to feel vulnerable and I keep that from happening whenever possible. My dysfunctional up bringing didn't support counting on others. My husband tends to be emotionally unavailable in stressful times. He would help me out if I ran out of gas, but anything really stressful would be iffy. I would hate to be in a crisis situation ... I'm not sure I have the people to help me through that. I am secretly afraid of dealing with cancer. I think I'd have to do that pretty much on my own.

Acts of Service and Physical Touch where tied and just barely less important then the other love languages. I like doing things for people and I like touching people.
I see all of these "languages" as closely related ... maybe even not separate at all. I think love is a choice.
Tiny tiny tiny written on the inside of my wrist - protecttrusthopepersevere-love. I started writing it there in August last year. I write it there to remind myself that I am making choices. Even on days when I am stressed out I am making choices. This year I've been learning that I wasn't built to carry my own load. I simply wasn't designed with the lifting capacity. I wouldn't intentionally over load anyone or anything else.

The Message translation of Matthew 11:28-30 follows:

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Jesus demonstrated fluency in these so called love languages. I Corinthians 13 is a description of that love.

Zinnias remind me of simpler times. 

Both of my parents were pretty serious gardeners, grandparents too. You couldn’t make a visit to my dad’s parents and not leave with some jelly and “put up” veggies that young DeAnn had no clue how to use in the kitchen. I was good about returning the jars ... .

Zinnias. I have the vaguest memory of planning a zinnia seed as a child ... probably a school activity. Later, after I married, we planted a row of crepe myrtles,  5-7,  I can’t recall,  and zinnias seeds were scattered thickly underneath. They came in so dense that you couldn’t see the ground and we had colorful cut flowers enough to share. I like zinnias. 

We are just back from a road trip up to see Three and the first woman he has wanted us to meet. I have not been so immediately at ease with a person since before my childhood ended, when ever that was. The affinity was so natural that I didn’t even notice it happening. (Can you even believe it? In retrospect I’m amazed, delighted and about 10% alarmed. I wasn’t disarmed, the caution systems were completely on mute, that’s what’s weird.) What’s, maybe not even more remarkable, but kinda miraculous on its own, is that my husband instantly liked her too. If you knew him, you’d agree with my choice of “miraculous”. 

Most of the way south through New Mexico I thought about how he answered me when I asked him “do you know why you liked her?”  

He said,  “She is like you before ...”. That’s it, nothing after before. He can see a before and after, but not the after what. His prodigious skill set would have trouble selecting adjectives to describe what “like me” means even though he has studied me (approaching year of the ruby) with an intensity level that only those on spectrum can generate. Before what, before when ... I wondered. I didn’t follow up. 

I think we both noticed essentially the same thing.  He was remembering me at 20 something standing next to me at sixty something. The answer to before what is before life events, before when ... before when I became more cautious... before ... when I was so naive. Not that I’m all jaded now. I have been described as gullible, trusting would be another word. That’s harder for me now. But not as difficult as it has been ... I’m learning. 

Back even further back then my twenties. I sometimes remember myself way back when ... earliest versions of "before". 

Life is a process of transformational events, not all of them pleasant. 

(I like that we get to choose some of them.)

I wonder what life would be like if mankind were clothed by innocence. 

While out on this trip we spent sometime in conversation with a seventy something guy who said he was a SEAL before his time serving at the Pentagon. He just felt like chatting. His presenting “wound” seemed to be caused by an inability to protect “innocents”. I have the impression that he has seen stuff and ... the stillness that accompanies aging probably triggers PTSD. Life is easier when you can compartmentalize. 

These two YouTube videos/ Evian (pure water) ads came to me back to back today. 

. 

2020 may be remembered as the year “before” in the life of our country. The nostalgia for before is present in society at large. I see it creeping in along with a gradual awareness that lies are being perpetrated by people in positions perceived previously as positions of trust. What happens next? 

People seem to be getting in the mood to feel like victims in some of the places we visited between here and Denver ... in other places I saw a lot of "hell no".  Time will tell.

~zinnias snapped early today with my iPhone

Trips to the dogpark have been the one “daily” outing during “THIS”, lol, can barely wait to see what this really is all about.
So far, I’m experiencing “it” as about controversy.
Writing about it is a little weird, I know people are hurting bad during this having experienced losses ranging from loss of loved ones, lost finances, lost confidence in available information, loss of perceived pluses” whatever they are for you ... the Country seems to enter the anger part of the grieving process.

The five stages of grief are:

• denial.
• anger.
• bargaining.
• depression.
• acceptance.

What’s next, I wonder.

Right after I wrote my last note here, I fell at the dog park.
On downward sloping terrain my right foot found a rock jutting up, but hidden, in a clump of clover. My left foot was already up mid stride when an alternate landing became necessary. Fortunately, my husband was able to grab one of my flailing arms so I never really hit the ground. That would have been bad (plus, dog park).
The pain was sudden and flipped a switch in me that child-birthing epidurals must have put the chill on. I was overly firm whilst rejecting help from the first responder, a stranger who had entered the park just before us with two smallish dogs. She looks like a new Veteran or a professional athlete, like a volleyball coach at the local University. Anyway, I was unkind. It bothers me because I haven’t seen her since, but she probably gets it.
No question which way I go when the primal fight or flight thing happens.
Cracked left tibia with deep bone bruising. I’ve already done my three week check up and no follow up is required. Dr. said use the knee brace for another three weeks and the cane when you’re going to be “hiking”.  

So, what’s it like to have a walking stick like Henry’s?
I like it. It does help with the not smooth areas  on our laps out at the dogpark (five acres - it was a pecan orchard and about 1/3 of those trees remain). And it's fun to poke and point at things with it.
This is the fun of it - Henry is known (and apparently adored) by the dogs at least partly because he has a “cookie” for them when they come up and ask. They seem to recognize Henry from a distance (I hadn’t observed that) because of the cane and make a bee line to him with expectations sparkling their eyes. It is so sad but mostly funny when they see me. Somehow they know I don’t have “the stuff”.  I can see the recognition/acceptance in their eyes right before glancing hopefully at my husband, who looks a lot like a younger taller Henry. Nope, he’s lame too is the vibe they project shooting off as fast as they came. 

I am truly sensitive to the people who are grieving their losses during this time. 

That said, I sat down (from gardening) to write a note to my kids because I know they’ll read this later.

Life is good here. I feel very fortunate. 

We are well.

Walks in the park provide the most delightful scope for one's imagination

There is a man who used to be alone at the park.  

I had observed him many times before actually speaking with him ... white hair under his usual, but not always ball cap, he's a snappy dresser ... invariably he wears what one would expect to see men at the nicer country clubs ... oh! wait this might make his style clearer, he looks like an older Ralph Lauren "guy", he's sporty, but he's not advertising for anyone. 
I like that about men just older than me. My dad was like that. 
The park is basically a meandering path which is usually wide enough to accommodate walkers and runners with strollers and/or leashed dogs, and bicyclist. It crisscrosses over a fairly wide (for Texas) waterway and there are plenty of areas along the way where people can sit or feed ducks. Some of the regulars never look up from their STARBUCKS and device. Others seem to plan ahead to meet up with their walking buddies.

The early morning park people have formed a bit of a loosely woven little community. We pick up little bits from each other when we stop to let our dogs sniff each other ... mostly assumptions, but some of it fact. 
Either from his account, or from information shared by a peculiar woman who likes to walk (and talk) with everyone by turns, or from my own observation, I've come to know that Henry is retired, from what/where I do not remember, is married (his wife is well) and has one daughter living in the area. He did golf, but bum knees and a shoulder injury (fact) made it not fun (assumption). He also thinks it's perfectly fine for me to spend my time on the golf course "fishing for golfballs in the water hazards" which my husband frowns on. He said so when the three of us were visiting ... visiting under the guise of me checking on him. I've decided I like him. My husband would sooner not stop to visit with the guy. Lol, Henry recently said, don't mind me, I know I walk a lot slower than y'all do ... . He does. 

Sometimes he walks with a snazzy titanium stick/staff/cane/pole.

He smiled when I called it a lightsaber first time I saw him with it. We saw him using it more often ... then, one day from a ways off I thought I saw him but wasn't sure. Is that Henry up the way, I wondered. 
It was him and he didn't look well. 

He also arrives at the park most days with a pocket full of dog treats! 
I think that's why I really noticed him in the first place. Almost every dog in the park couldn't be tail-waggedy happier to see him. Initially I didn't know about the treats. 
I think it's super sweet. He asked me if my dog would like to be treated. I was hopeful, but Max declined. For one thing he's not food motivated, but the other is I think he's unsure about accepting treats from a stranger. He's shy and not very treat motivated I explained. 
Pyrs are super friendly, but not needy, they like to "touch base" and then be on their way. Most often Max seems so focused on his own dog business that you'd never imagine how observant he is. Also a trait of the breed. 
He's loyal above all. My dog, not sure about Henry.
  
After the Covid-19 thing happened and people were required to social distance I noticed that Henry was walking slower and stooped over. If this is as bad as they're telling us it will be, we'll lose Henry during this, I mentioned to my husband. I don't know what the rest of his life looks like, his truck probably has seat warmers and the whole lux package, but when I see him he is alone. 
Alone, but interesting and friendly enough to be good company. 
For days at a time we don't see Henry and I seem to fret a bit more these days than I did before, so I was really tickled one day during the pause to see Henry walking with a beautifully elegant, vivacious (I heard her laughing as we neared and I saw her playfully nudge his elbow) woman, I'd guess ten years younger than what I'd guess Henry to be age-wise (more assumptions). 
Henry was not stooped over at all. He must have left the lightsaber in his truck. The sound of his laughter was delightful. He's just the kind of guy who you want to see happy. 
As we approached he waved us over for a chat ... six feet apart per the norms of the day (update there btw: still good with the distance though I have promised Henry a jar of my garden salsa (and a bag of chips) when I can delivery it from my hand to his someday ... Henry introduced his walking buddy to us. They are having a great time together, I thought, also that I was glad she had come out for a walk. He seemed like he'd be up for twilight bicycle rides as soon as the curfews were lifted around the park. 

Severals weeks of this, noticing them enjoying each other while they walked, went by (about three months) and Henry had never looked better. I hadn't mentioned his dog earlier, but even his dog who had seemed bored with retirement and tended to drag behind slowing Henry down even further - that dog was "reinvigorated"! 

"Boy, Henry seems like a new man now that his wife is able to walk with him ... at least these shelter in place orders are giving people time away form work so that they can take time for each other ... I said that with a happy face as the lady who walks and talks with everyone approached me. I think my eyebrows might have gone up a smidge higher than my regular smile requires when that lady quickly responded - 

"Oh! That's not his wife - that's his neighbor.   

It didn't even feel gossipy. 
I'm the new kid in the park - these people have been enjoying this park for years. They do actually probably know each other. I on the other hand tend to be a bit like my dog - friendly yet oddly detached, observing. I especially like that they enjoy keeping company together. They both seemed to benefit from their walk together.

"Well good for them!” Even their dogs do well together. I like that they can enjoy a friendship. 

The lady who walks and talks with every one walked on. 
On a different day she actually told me that her dog is "the Alpha female" and even bosses "her home from college daughter" around.  
I try to pace myself when I see her coming. There's some weird out there in the park. 

I told my husband that it seemed nice for neighbors to walk together in the park like that. It's fun to see them laughing together ... sweet to have friends. He agreed.

I haven't seen her at all this week and it's already Thursday. Maybe she's back at work, or able to travel. 
I don't know where she is but Henry is doing fine. Hope to see her out there again someday. 



In other news, I am watching Anne with an E on NETFLIX and enjoying it very much. 
Been looking for some favorite quotes from the book. I read it so long ago that I've forgotten when and I'm not sure if I'm remembering the plot sometimes or just responding to the foreshadowing.

“Oh, look, here’s a big bee just tumbled out of an apple blossom. Just think what a lovely place to live–in an apple blossom! Fancy going to sleep in it when the wind was rocking it. If I wasn’t a human girl, I think I’d like to be a bee and live among the flowers.”

“I’ve done my best, and I begin to understand what is meant by ‘the joy of strife’. Next to trying and winning, the best thing is trying and failing.”

“I've just been imagining that it was really me you wanted after all and that I was to stay here for ever and ever. It was a great comfort while it lasted. But the worst of imagining things is that the time comes when you have to stop and that hurts.”

~L. M. Montgomery, Anne of Green Gables. 

fire place before and after

Corona shelter-in-place (hoping that sounds really weird in a couple of years) project.  The technique is called German Smear. The product is a slight abrasive feeling mortar mix. I thought I’d like the results, and I do. Was able to retain the the rock texture and integrity while “freshening up” its appearance. We are seriously considering doing the entire outside finish, all Texas limestone, of this house. 

Cost of project - 30 dollar bag of product. May have used 1/4 of a bag....

After

A word of caution though - it is permanent!

Our raised bed "square foot" garden - so far

old picture from Zillow before "the flippers" painted it brown
the sidewalk had helped to create a drainage problem and has been removed - antenna removed and paint changed. I’m 

4'x8'

As the idea evolved, the original bed was dismantled and scooted over towards

the pool to allow the second bed (along with spacing between) to be "centered up" to accommodate the roof trellis to be attached symmetrically to the house.

Yeah, 6 more hard to dig holes!

banding on inside to keep it square

Asparagus bed - planted 2 year old roots in 4'x4' bed

8' long board "treaded" through 4"x4" post - all cedar

"jig" to get the cut right before placing the trellis system

planning on another cedar post (abutting house)
with another cross member like this
eventually a barn door type slider on both ends
the plan is to be able to "close" the two beds and the hallway
 in with fitted panels for winter
- orangery idea from Denver Botanical Gardens
We aren’t planing a “greenhouse” winter crop, it’s to be winter shelter For all the potted plants. 

irrigation for all four (yes only three so far, but the green tub
is situated where the 4th bed will be eventually).
Solid rock below the soil beginning at 6" has really
made trenching difficult!

Lavishing this product on is my only physical contribution
That and enjoying the produce!

the "floor" for the walkways between the beds

will be beautiful next ...

below the hard permeable "hard surface"

there will be an extensive dry well/French drain

to alleviate drainage issues on the property -

something like this that we (mostly L)

installed on the other side of the back yard as this:

The aggregate pavers were buried under years worth of overgrown ground cover and yard debris
otherwise we probably would have chosen plain concrete pavers.
Excuse the yard bag mess! 

My latest brainstorm
this is a mock up,
there's open irrigation trench
where this will eventually "go".
I'll plant chives and a few other pretty
little flowering things around it with the lavender.

The birds are already coming to it!
Hummingbirds quench their thirst while hovering in that little spray!
So fun.

squarefootgardening.org/2018/07/all-new-square-foot-gardening-3rd-edition-coming-fall-2018/

Still sorta messy until the pavers can go down in. 

We’re getting there though!