“Often we don’t even discover them as memories until years later when they emerge, not as they were, but as they have become as our souls expand enough to value what we thought at the time was dross as the real gold of our lives”. - Gerard Van der Leun  

410 Diner ... fried okra and black eyed peas for me. I declined the mashed potatoes, which was what I really wanted, in favor of “dill rice” which I didn’t eat. Dill rice. There’s something wrong about that!   Next time I’ll ask for two times the okra. They call this the anniversary of our 40th birthday ... we’ve all had half again as many. I started hanging with them in the 1970’s.

Women need great girlfriends and I am very fortunate to have more than my share. 

Those three have never not known one another ... raised in the same church down deep in Texas where the Rio Grande runs mud into the Gulf of Mexico. When I am with them, I am home. 

Before this weekend each of them had confided in me. Each, unbeknownst to the others (I assume), was carrying a heavy load.
Remember, I don’t teach people how to fly anymore, there are actual days when my car doesn’t move out of the driveway. I love it. So much.
I used to be almost unable to sit still, now I am totally chill.  But. They are not. Everyone of them has a big deal thing right now. I know why they didn’t tell each other. Women friends will tell you where you went wrong and how to fix it. Two of those will. The kindergarten teacher has been instilling “kindness” in others for so many years that it might have originated with her.
I’m am not a problem solver friend. I’m the good listener friend. 

In the mish mash of emotions they brought in with them and the little (maybe bitchy, idk, it sounds mean girl to me because I’ve been away for 25 years and have recently had the honor and joy of rejoining this circle of friends - so I’ve missed some important stuff  ... I wasn’t there for large parts of their history together) playful tangling back and forth they do there is a deep well of mutual admiration and love. 

You know what? I noticed that they are truly sisters. I feel that bond with them now that’s how I noticed it. 

Coincidentally, each of these friends has something biggish on their individual front burners, but this weekend was planned a year ago. Or twenty years ago even, when we were all 40. None of us would miss it. Anyway ... I sensed a low volume “rumble” in our group dynamic. I’m typically highly sensitive to what’s going on around me even when nothing is being said. My chill was frayed and I said so. That hurt the hostess’s feelings until she saw what was really going on. She’s probably my smartest friend. I actually can’t always stay ahead of her. That I don’t have to is part of what makes these girl weekends so great for me. I can relax with them. Like that feet in the sand, umbrella drink at hand, sort of relaxed. I wasn’t raised with sisters. And, back in the day, boys were a lot different from girls. These friends have helped me to experience what sisters are all about. I raised three girls but I was just looking in for little parts, the parts that didn’t need a mom, the “spectator” moments were few. When my girls tangled, I really didn’t get it. I never got it. The reasons for being upset with each other didn’t make any sense to me. And the way they could turn on a dime, ears back spitting fire one moment, to heads back roaring with laughter the next. Not that fast, but fast. Reliably so. They’ve always had each other’s backs.

I didn’t imagine that a weekend with my oldest friends could help provide some insights into the relationship dynamics shared by my daughters.