Four Loves ... chapter 5/6 notes on Eros

PDF for Four Loves

written by C. S. Lewis, first issued in 1958

Chapter 1 Introduction
Chapter 2 Likings and Loves for the sub-human 

Chapter 3 Affection

Chapter 4 Friendship
Chapter 5 Eros

Chapter 6 Charity

Chapter 5

Eros

By Eros I mean of course that state which we call "being in love"; or, if you prefer, that kind of love which lovers are "in". Some readers may have been surprised when in an earlier chapter, I described Affection as the love in which our experience seems to come closest to that of the animals. Surely, it might be asked, our sexual functions bring us equally close? This is quite true as regards human sexuality in general. But I am not going to be concerned with human sexuality simply as such. Sexuality makes part of our subject only when it becomes an ingredient in the complex state of "being in love". That sexual experience can occur without Eros, without being "in love", and that Eros includes other things besides sexual activity, I take for granted. If you prefer to put it that way, I am inquiring not into the sexuality which is common to us and the beasts or even common to all men but into one uniquely human variation of it which develops within "love" - what I call Eros. The carnal or animally sexual element within Eros, I intend (following an old usage) to call Venus. And I mean by Venus what is sexual not in some cryptic or rarified sense - such as a depth-psychologist might explore - but in a perfectly obvious sense; what is known to be sexual by those who experience it; what could be proved to be sexual by the simplest observations.(pg. 84)

Eros enters him like an invader, taking over and reorganising, one by one, the institutions of a conquered country. It may have taken over many others before it reaches the sex in him; and it will reorganise that too. (pg. 86)

Without Eros sexual desire, like every other desire, is a fact about ourselves. Within Eros it is rather about the Beloved. (pg. 87)

If we had not all experienced this, if we were mere logicians, we might boggle at the conception of desiring a human being, as distinct from desiring any pleasure, comfort, or service that human being can give. (pg. 87)

The reader will notice that Eros thus wonderfully transforms what is par excellence a Need-pleasure into the most Appreciative of all pleasures. It is the nature of a Needpleasure to show us the object solely in relation to our need, even our momentary need. But in Eros, a Need, at its most intense, sees the object most intensely as a thing admirable in herself, important far beyond her relation to the lover's need. (pg. 87)

We use a most unfortunate idiom when we say, of a lustful man prowling the streets, that he "wants a woman". Strictly speaking, a woman is just what he does not want. He wants a pleasure for which a woman happens to be the necessary piece of apparatus. How much he cares about the woman as such may be gauged by his attitude to her five minutes after fruition (one does not keep the carton after one has smoked the cigarettes). Now Eros makes a man really want, not a woman, but one particular woman. (pg. 86)

Very often what comes first is simply a delighted pre-occupation with the Beloved - a general, unspecified pre-occupation with her in her totality. A man in this state really hasn't leisure to think of sex. He is too busy thinking of a person. The fact that she is a woman is far less important than the fact that she is herself. He is full of desire, but the desire may not be sexually toned. If you asked him what he wanted, the true reply would often be, "To go on thinking of her." He is love's contemplative. (pg. 85)



Lewis asserts that he believes sex should be fun ... "gaiety" was one of his words. Then this:

But, it will be replied, the thing is serious. Yes; quad- ruply so. First, theologically, because this is the body's share in marriage which, by God's choice, is the mystical image of the union between God and Man. Secondly, as what I will venture to call a sub-Christian, or Pagan or natural sacrament, our human participation in, and exposition of, the natural forces of life and fertility - the marriage of Sky-Father and Earth-Mother. Thirdly, on the moral level, in view of the obligations involved and the incalculable momentousness of being a parent and ancestor. Finally it has (sometimes, not always) a great emotional seriousness in the minds of the participants.
But eating is also serious; theologically, as the vehicle of the Blessed Sacrament; ethically in view of our duty to feed the hungry; socially, because the table is from time immemorial the place for talk; medically, as all dyspeptics know. Yet we do not bring bluebooks to dinner nor behave there as if we were in church. And it is gourmets, not saints, who come nearest to doing so. Animals are always serious about food. (pg. 90)

For I can hardly help regarding it as one of God's jokes that a passion so soaring, so apparently transcendent, as Eros, should thus be linked in incongruous symbiosis with a bodily appetite which, like any other appetite, tactlessly reveals its connections with such mundane factors as weather, health, diet, circulation, and digestion. In Eros at times we seem to be flying; Venus* gives us the sudden twitch that reminds us we are really captive balloons. (pg. 92)

*Venus used here as sexual aspect of " in love" as:
The carnal or animally sexual element within Eros, I intend (following an old usage) to call Venus. And I mean by Venus what is sexual not in some cryptic or rarified sense - such as a depth-psychologist might explore - but in a perfectly obvious sense; what is known to be sexual by those who experience it. (pg. 84)

As nature crowns man in that brief action, so the Christian law has crowned him in the permanent relationship of marriage, bestowing - or should I say, inflicting? - a certain "headship" on him. This is a very different coronation. And as we could easily take the natural mystery too seriously, so we might take the Christian mystery not seriously enough.  We must go back to our Bibles. The husband is the head of the wife just in so far as he is to her what Christ is to the Church. He is to love her as Christ loved the Church - read on - and gave his life for her (Eph. v, 25). This headship, then, is most fully embodied not in the husband we should all wish to be but in him whose marriage is most like a crucifixion; whose wife receives most and gives least, is most unworthy of him, is - in her own mere nature - least lovable. For the Church has no beauty but what the Bridegroom gives her; he does not find, but makes her, lovely. The chrism of this terrible coronation is to be seen not in the joys of any man's marriage but in its sorrows, in the sickness and sufferings of a good wife or the faults of a bad one, in his unwearying (never paraded) care or his inexhaustible forgiveness: forgiveness, not acquiescence. As Christ sees in the flawed, proud, fanatical or lukewarm Church on earth that Bride who will one day be without spot or wrinkle, and labours to produce the latter, so the husband whose headship is Christ-like (and he is allowed no other sort) never despairs. He is a King Cophetua who after twenty years still hopes that the beggar-girl will one day learn to speak the truth and wash behind her ears. (pgs. 96&97)
Very interesting slant on these verses.  I haven't heard it preached or lectured like this before.

From Venus, the carnal ingredient within Eros, I now turn to Eros as a whole. Here we shall see the same pattern repeated. As Venus within Eros does not really aim at pleasure, so Eros does not aim at happiness.   ...  Even when it becomes clear beyond all evasion that marriage with the Beloved cannot possibly lead to happiness - when it cannot even profess to offer any other life than that of tending an incurable invalid, of hopeless poverty, of exile, or of disgrace - Eros never hesitates to say, "Better this than parting. Better to be miserable with her than happy without her. Let our hearts break provided they break together." If the voice within us does not say this, it is not the voice of Eros.
This is the grandeur and terror of love. (pg. 98)

We must not give unconditional obedience to the voice of Eros when he speaks most like a
god. Neither must we ignore or attempt to deny the god- like quality. This love is really and truly like Love Himself. In it there is a real nearness to God (by Resemblance); but not, therefore and necessarily, a nearness of Approach. Eros, honoured so far as love of God and charity to our fellows will allow, may become for us a means of Approach. His total commitment is a paradigm or example, built into our natures, of the love we ought to exercise towards God and Man. As Nature, for the Nature-lover, gives a content to the word glory, so this gives a content to the word Charity. It is as if Christ said to us through Eros, "Thus - just like this - with this prodigality - not counting the cost - you are to love me and the least of my brethren." ( pg. 101)

n. pl. prod·i·gal·i·ties

1. Extravagant wastefulness.

2. Profuse generosity.

3. Extreme abundance; lavishness.

...extravagance ... what a wonderful word!

But Eros, honoured without reservation and obeyed unconditionally, becomes a demon. And this is just how he claims to be honoured and obeyed. Divinely indifferent to our selfishness, he is also demoniacally rebellious to every claim of God or Man that would oppose him. Hence as the poet says :
People in love cannot be moved by kindness,
And opposition makes them feel like martyrs.
Martyrs is exactly right. Years ago when I wrote about
medieval love-poetry and described its strange, half makebelieve, "religion of love", I was blind enough to treat this as an almost purely literary phenomenon. I know better now. Eros by his nature invites it. Of all loves he is, at his height, most god-like; therefore most prone to demand our worship. Of himself he always tends to turn "being in love" into a sort of religion. Theologians have often feared, in this love, a danger of idolatry. I think they meant by this that the lovers might idolise one another. That does not seem to me to be the real danger; certainly not in marriage. The deliciously plain prose and business-like intimacy of married life render it absurd. So does the Affection in which Eros is almost invariably clothed. Even in courtship I question whether anyone who has felt the thirst for the Uncreated, or even dreamed of feeling it, ever supposed that the Beloved could satisfy it. As a fellow-pilgrim pierced with the very same desire, that is, as a Friend, the Beloved may be gloriously and helpfully relevant; but as an object for it - well (I would not be rude), ridiculous. The real danger is to me not that the lovers will idolise
each other but that they will idolise Eros himself. (pg. 102)
... rebellious to every claim of God or Man ... part of what Lewis is talking about there would be "in-loves" which shouldn't happen ... forbidden "in-loves" as adulterous affairs for example ... the heat of Eros makes these easy to justify for those in its throes ... with pitifully ruinous results as we all know ... Eros calls one to discount the costs. ... And, I'm thinking about this, pretty sure I think this and that it "fits" here ... The "fanning" of the fire of "Venus" detached from one's "Beloved" (Eros) as with porn or anything one might find sexually titillating isn't, can't be if Lewis reasoning is agreeable, isn't compatible with Eros.  This is my opinion ... men wonder what women want in bed ... I won't attempt to speak for the entire gender, but for me, this observation resonates ... "Now Eros makes a man really want, not a woman, but one particular woman."  It works ... in bed and outta bed I think. I read somewhere that ideally daily life, just being together, might be "foreplay".  I think Mr. Lewis is on to something here.  I think this is "cherish".

For one of the first things Eros does is to obliterate the distinction between giving and receiving. 

Just had to go back and find that line, because it is so super cool.  

And all the time the grim joke is that this Eros whose voice seems to speak from the eternal realm is not himself necessarily even permanent. He is notoriously the most mortal of our loves. The world rings with complaints of his fickleness. What is baffling is the combination of this fickleness with his protestations of permanency. To be in love is both to intend and to promise lifelong fidelity. Love makes vows unasked; can't be deterred from making them. "I will be ever true," are almost the first words he utters. Not hypocritically but sincerely. No experience will cure him of the delusion. We have all heard of people who are in love again every few years; each time sincerely convinced that "this time it's the real thing", that their wanderings are over, that they have found their true love and will themselves be true till death.
And yet Eros is in a sense right to make this promise. The event of falling in love is of such a nature that we are right to reject as intolerable the idea that it should be transitory. In one high bound it has overleaped the massive wall of our selfhood; it has made appetite itself altruistic, tossed personal happiness aside as a triviality and planted the interests of another in the centre of our being. Spontaneously and without effort we have fulfilled the law (towards one person) by loving our neighbour as ourselves. It is an image, a foretaste, of what we must become to all if Love Himself rules in us without a rival. It is even (well used) a preparation for that. Simply to relapse from it, merely to "fall out of" love again, is - if I may coin the ugly word - a sort of disredemption. Eros is driven to promise what Eros of himself cannot perform. (pgs.104&105)

Thus Eros, like the other loves, but more strikingly because of his strength, sweetness, terror and high port, reveals his true status. He cannot of himself be what, nevertheless, he must be if he is to remain Eros. He needs help; therefore needs to be ruled. The god dies or becomes a demon unless he obeys God. It would be well if, in such case, he always died. But he may live on, mercilessly chaining together two mutual tormentors, each raw all over with the poison of hate-in-love; each ravenous to receive and implacably refusing to give, jealous, suspicious, resentful, struggling for the upper hand, determined to be free and to allow no freedom, living on "scenes": Read Anna Karenina, and do not fancy that such things happen only in Russia (pg.106)  
My bold print.  Here, I will say to especially my adult children, that what "obey God" means should be agreed upon before the covenant of marriage is struck.  It really is a big deal.

Chairs

found photo via D.  ... I am that guy!

The morning sky was pink and I wondered how far into the day before rain.  I haven't checked the weather yet.

Five is home with a little sore throat cold today ... And I am fretting about my son, Three.  He moved out of our home, well sorta moved out, my living room is stacked knee high with baseball bats and laundry baskets full of his nice clothing ... trophies, mementos, books.  He left early in August on a day when I was away and ...  I haven't heard from him since.  It seems that I did not raise him very well.  Troubling over him is continuously on my mind ... it makes my heart hurt.


And now it is around 3 ... and ... it has rained ... and my son dropped by.

singing/prayer bowl

I was thinking about how something just suddenly "hits" you ... like ... maybe you've been thinking about something you didn't even realize you were thinking until ... suddenly ... you just know and knowing arrives to announce "Hey ... guess what ... now you know."  What is like that? I asked myself ... and I remembered this wonderful singing bowl that I saw in a shop several years ago.  I really wanted it.  I liked it well enough that even though I knew I'd never buy it, I went back to the store to visit it.  I even thought it might make a wonderful anniversary gift for my husband ... yes, an standing bell, a singing bowl, a rin gong ... a prayer bowl.  He would have been nice about it, but ... he would never want a thing like that ... he might even think it was offensive 'cause of the religious overtones.  I thought of it as ... just beautiful.  It yielded a pure sound which could be felt as well as heard. I rolled the mallet around inside the bowl as if stirring something and it rendered a tone series which was ... ethereal.  Gosh, I wish everyone could experience it ... stirring an empty bowl and sound that is more than sound floated delicately up ... out ... about.  Exquisite.
That is exactly what something you didn't know you were thinking about feels like ... it's like your mind is the bowl strummed ... you think it's just sorta empty, at least of that, and it is so pleasantly surprising when you suddenly know.  It is a small smile.  I love that. 

Singing bowls are used worldwide for meditation, music, relaxation, personal well-being. They are used by a wide range of professionals, including health professionals, school teachers, musicians and spiritual teachers. Singing bowls are used in health care by psychotherapists, massage therapists, cancer specialists, stress and meditation specialists. They are used to help treat cancer patients and also for post traumatic stress disorder. They are popular in classrooms to help facilitate group activities and focus students' attention. ~ Wikipedia

So ... I went looking for a picture of a singing bowl ... the one I liked looked like this one, simple like I like, but there are many ornate examples on line.  I went looking for that and found this too ... which I really think is neat.

And when he took the scroll, the four living beings and the twenty-four elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp, and they held gold bowls filled with incense, which are the prayers of God's people. ~Revelation 5:8
May my prayer be set before you like incense; may the lifting up of my hands be like the evening sacrifice. Psalm 141:2

That is just outstanding ... excellent ... gold bowls filled with incense, which are the prayers of God's people.  

Four Loves chapter 4/6 ... notes on Friendship

PDF for Four Loves

written by C. S. Lewis, first issued in 1958

Chapter 1 Introduction
Chapter 2 Likings and Loves for the sub-human 

Chapter 3 Affection

Chapter 4 Friendship
Chapter 5 Eros
Chapter 6 Charity

Chapter 4 

Friendship

Friendship

More then ... companionship, but built on companionship perhaps.  More then who we spend actual time with ... friends "see" and allow themselves to be seen.  I think friends are people I let in to my heart.  Let's see what Lewis thinks ...

The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, "What? You too?  I thought I was the only one." We can imagine that among those early hunters and warriors single individuals - one in a century? one in a thousand years? - saw what others did not; saw that the deer was beautiful as well as edible, that hunting was fun as well as necessary, dreamed that his gods might be not only powerful but holy. But as long as each of these percipient persons dies without finding a kindred soul, nothing (I suspect) will come of it; art or sport or spiritual religion will not be born. It is when two such persons discover one another, when, whether with immense difficulties and semi-articulate fumblings or with what would seem to us amazing and elliptical speed, they share their vision it is then that Friendship is born. And instantly they stand together in an immense solitude.
Lovers seek for privacy. Friends find this solitude about them, this barrier between them and the herd, whether they want it or not. They would be glad to reduce it. The first two would be glad to find a third.  (pg. 60)

It may be a common religion, common studies, a common profession, even a common recreation. All who share it will be our companions; but one or two or three who share something more will be our Friends. In this kind of love, as Emerson said, Do you love me? means Do you see the same truth? - Or at least, "Do you care about the same truth?" The man who agrees with us that some question, little regarded by others, is of great importance, can be our Friend. He need not agree with us about the answer. (pg. 61)

The Friends will still be doing something together ...  still travelling companions, but on a different kind of journey. Hence we picture lovers face to face but Friends side by side; their eyes look ahead. (pg. 61) 
(And he says in each chapter that "this" type of love does not necessarily or even usually stand alone ... it's good when your lover is also your friend and visa versa ... commingled with a good amount of affection I would say.)

The very condition of having Friends is that we should want something else besides Friends. Where the truthful answer to the question Do you see the same truth? would be "I see nothing and I don't care about the truth; I only want a Friend", no Friendship can arise - though Affection of course may. There would be nothing for the Friendship to be about; and Friendship must be about something, even if it were only an enthusiasm for dominoes or white mice. Those who have nothing can share nothing; those who are going nowhere can have no fellow-travellers. (pg.61) 
(And here is where losing the camaraderie of the flight school environment was so nearly devastating for me ... I lost the time in the air, and almost as important to me ... the time on the ground with this group of "friends".  I am very tender now about this topic.  I see why ... in this area, I have nothing for the friendship to be about ... I step back.  It's kinda sad I guess ... and ... I don't want the pity.  I did my own little private pity-party, well, kinda private, I did feel sorry for myself here ... lol ... sigh.  Now I am trying to figure out where to from here.  I'm trying not to look up every time I hear a plane. I say I believe that God is in control ... and if I really do, it might follow that He has something else in mind for my time.   I learn hope.)

When the two people who thus discover that they are on the same secret road are of different sexes, the friendship which arises between them will very easily pass - may pass in the first half-hour - into erotic love. Indeed, unless they are physically repulsive to each other or unless one or both already loves elsewhere, it is almost certain to do so sooner or later. And conversely, erotic love may lead to Friendship between the lovers. But this, so far from obliterating the distinction between the two loves, puts it in a clearer light. If one who was first, in the deep and full sense, your Friend, is then gradually or suddenly revealed as also your lover you will certainly not want to share the Beloved's erotic love with any third. But you will have no jealousy at all about sharing the Friendship. (pg. 62)

For Friendship is utterly free from Affection's need to be needed. We are sorry that any gift or loan or night-watching should have been necessary - and now, for heaven's sake, let us forget all about it and go back to the things we really want to do or talk of together. Even gratitude is no enrichment to this love. The stereotyped "Don't mention it" here expresses what we really feel. The mark of perfect Friendship is not that help will be given when the pinch comes (of course it will) but that, having been given, it makes no difference at all. (pg. 64.)

A friend is more then an ally ...

Friendship, unlike Eros, is uninquisitive. You become a man's Friend without knowing or caring whether he is married or single or how he earns his living. What have all these "unconcerning things, matters of fact" to do with the real question, Do you see the same truth? In a circle of true Friends each man is simply what he is: stands for nothing but himself. (pg. 65)

It is an affair of disentangled, or stripped, minds. Eros will have naked bodies; Friendship naked personalities. (pg. 65)  

And here I remember a favorite line from the movie AVATAR, "I see you."    To me this is the distillation of what friend and to friend ... is.  I think we are all really good at operating with our protective shields "up" ... a friend is invited behind the masking, protective layers.  I offer friendship where my soul is vulnerable and from what I've seen, the offering is made in love.   A friend asked, "Why am I telling you this (this thing that grieves me)?" and I was compelled to answer ... "Because I live that pain also ... I get it."  A hand was clasped at that point and from there the friendship has blossomed.  How did that happen?  I don't know for sure ... I personally believe it was the hand of God steering souls towards a  friendship where His goodness could be administered by vessels of clay.  

So ... I'm saying that I think a "symptom" of friendship is that one may share disentangled/stripped minds/souls.  It's not at all just about sharing our private pains, but a lot more about sharing joy.  I think it is a bit like falling with the assurance of a safe landing.  (One may learn how to "fly" all the way to the landing.  It's so interesting to see how many different ways one may approach the deep water.) 

I watched (over the years) as my little girl learned how to dive ... beginning with being slid face first from a slippery wet mat on the side of the pool, to the 3 meter board, next the 5, and then on up the tower ... each dive sliced in to the water at the deep end.  I sat in the risers on the second floor, present, but as inconspicuous as possible watching ... and ... it was a beautiful process to behold.  There were a couple of times when she was hurt pretty badly ... she stuck with it though.  I saw her frustrated ... angry with herself and/or her coach.  There were times when she wanted to just soak in the warmth of the hot tub spraying water around and rinsing her hair ... aggravating the coach. I saw her beaming with the triumphant achievement of vaults and flips and twists and the graceful athleticism acquired by extreme repetition.  I saw her "fall" out of a handstand from the highest platform, twisting, flipping, pointed toes disappearing ... and I remembered the first squealing, nostrils pinched shut, running jump from that place (taken on a dare).  She made falling in to the deep a thing of beauty.
It reminds me very much of this friendship kind of love. It looks a bit scary, but we learn how to do it ... we come to it gradually I think, sometimes with tiny mindful steps one by one and other times with hopeful running jumps ... 'cause something wonderful is occurring. Friendship ... I really like it.

But, for a Christian, there are, strictly speaking, no chances. A secret Master of the Ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples "Ye have not chosen me but I have chosen you," can truly say to every group of Christian friends "You have not chosen one another but I have chosen you for one another." The Friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good taste in finding one another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of all the others. They are no greater than the beauties of a thousand other men; by Friendship God opens our eyes to them. (pgs. 82&83)
(my emboldened print)

Four Loves Chapter 3/6 ... notes on Affection

PDF for Four Loves

written by C. S. Lewis, first issued in 1958

Chapter 1 Introduction
Chapter 2 Likings and Loves for the sub-human 

Chapter 3 Affection

Chapter 4 Friendship
Chapter 5 Eros
Chapter 6 Charity 

 Chapter 3 

Affection

"affection, especially of parents to offspring"; but also of offspring to parents. (pg. 30)  
Lewis noted that this wasn't exclusively familial type love, but wanted to point out the ease of "affection".

The Need and Need-love of the young is obvious; so is the Gift-love of the mother. (pg.30)

Maybe because this book was written in the fifties ... idk ... parenting has certainly evolved over the last fifty plus years.  I think of the contributions that my husband has made towards our children as different, but similar to mine.  Surely the gift of provision ... shelter and substance ... all of the things that either parent contributes to the rearing of a family ... could be seen as Lewis describes Need-love/Gift-love.

It is a Need-love but what it needs is to give. It is a Gift-love but it needs to be needed. 

As I read this I think of appreciation ... gratitude ... building a mind/heart - set of thankfulness.  I think I like the old school "common courtesies" very much.  I'm going to work on practicing courtesy ... looking for opportunities to say thank-you (more often) for example.

This warm comfortableness, this satisfaction in being together, takes in all sorts of objects. It is indeed the least discriminating of loves. (pg. 30)  

Lewis writes that "affection" is like Gin ... in that it mixes well with so many various components.  

But almost anyone can become an object (pg. 31)

I think this is the less attractive flip side of the affection coin ... this is the familiar ... routine ... easily taken for granted type of love. I think what he was expressing here is that it's pretty easy to slip in to "roles" ... and take each other so for granted that one becomes almost invisible.  He gave an example of the mailman ... familiar, I do like him ... I don't really know him at all ... maybe I like seeing the little white jeep ... he brings the mail.  Some times we let the people in our lives who really should matter the most slip in to these type places where they are not "loved" as well as might be wished.  I think I can see places where I am guilty of that.

But Affection has its own criteria. Its objects have to be familiar. We can sometimes point to the very day and hour when we fell in love or began a new friendship. I doubt if we ever catch Affection beginning. To become aware of it is to become aware that it has already been going on for some time. (pg. 31)  Hmmm, idk ... thinking about this ... I have known, maybe over something as simple as a shared liking for a particular song, that a someone could be a friend.  I'm saying for me I don't understand how that friendship is more then affection (and I didn't understand what Lewis was getting at until I understood what he was expressing when he used the word charity ... 'cause ... a friendship may begin with something like affection, but it takes a lot more then affection to weather ones way to friendship ... real friendship ... that's what I think ... and it is in the true friendships that one finds shelter ... abiding shelter)

The especial glory of Affection is that it can unite those  who most emphatically, even comically, are not; people who, if they had not found themselves put down by fate in the same household or community, would have had nothing to do with each other. If Affection grows out of this - of course it often does not - their eyes begin to open. Growing fond of "old so-and- so", at first simply because he happens to be there, I presently begin to see that there is "something in him" after all. The moment when one first says, really meaning it, that though he is not "my sort of man" he is a very good man "in his own way" is one of liberation. It does not feel like that; we may feel only tolerant and indulgent. But really we have crossed a frontier. That "in his own way" means that we are getting beyond our own idiosyncracies, that we are learning to appreciate goodness or intelligence in themselves, not merely goodness or intelligence flavoured and served to suit our own palate. (pgs. 35-36)

I thought this was interesting.  Making room for people not exactly your flavor ... Two encourages her siblings to date alot of different kinds of people and learn cool interpersonal stuff from the time spent.  It's easy to be seduced by one's very own flavor ... but ... well, I think it's very important to bond with "your very own flavor" ... come home to that, but don't limit all your doings to just what's comfortable and easy ... . Be open to a range of personalities, love easily ... that's what I would say to my own children. As this next quote suggests ... 

The truly wide taste in humanity will similarly find something to appreciate in the crosssection of humanity whom one has to meet every day. In my experience it is Affection that creates this taste, teaching us first to notice, then to endure, then to smile at, then to enjoy, and finally to appreciate, the people who "happen to be there". Made for us? Thank God, no. They are themselves, odder than you could have believed and worth far more than we guessed. (pg. 36)

Affection, we have seen, includes both Need-love and Gift-love. I begin with the Need - our craving for the Affection of others. (pg. 37)

between pages 37 and 50 he writes about our love for our pets and our love of nature, and he makes the point that our domesticated animals my provide a bridge back to the wildness of nature.

Selfish or neurotic people can twist anything even love, into some sort of misery or exploitation (pg. 50)

Firstly, as to neurotic. I do not think we shall see things more clearly by classifying all these maleficial states of Affection as pathological. No doubt there are really pathological conditions which make the temptation these states abnormally hard or even impossible to resist for particular people. Send those people to the doctors by all means. But I believe that everyone who is honest with himself will admit that he has felt these temptations. Their occurrence is not a disease; or if it is, the name of that disease is Being a Fallen Man. In ordinary people the yieldings to them - and who does not sometimes yield? - is not disease, but sin. Spiritual direction will here help us more than medical treatment. (pgs. 50 & 51)

Affection produces happiness if - and only if - there is common sense and give and take and "decency". In other words, only if something more, and other, than Affection is added. The mere feeling is not enough. You need "common sense”, that is, reason. You need “give and take”; that is, you need justice, continually stimulating mere Affection when it fades and restraining it when it forgets or would defy the art of love. You need "decency". There is no disguising the fact that this means goodness; patience, selfdenial, humility, and the continual intervention of a far higher sort of love than Affection, in itself, can ever be. That is the whole Point. If we try to live by Affection alone, Affection will "go bad on us". (pg. 51 with my additions of bold and underlined)

The unappreciativeness of the others, those terrible, wounding words - anything will "wound" a Mrs. Fidget - in which they begged her to send the washing out, enabled her to feel ill-used, therefore, to have a continual grievance, to enjoy the pleasures of resentment. If anyone says he does not know those pleasures, he is a liar or a saint. It is true that they are pleasures only to those who hate. But then a love like Mrs. Fidget's contains a good deal of hatred. It was of erotic love that the Roman poet said, "I love and hate," but other kinds of love admit the same mixture. They carry in them the seeds of hatred. If Affection is made the absolute sovereign of a human life the seeds will germinate. Love, having become a god, becomes a demon. (pg. 52) 

Four Loves Chapter 2/6 ... notes on Likings and Loves

PDF for Four Loves
written by C. S. Lewis, first issued in 1958

Chapter 1 Introduction
Chapter 2 Likings and Loves for the sub-human 
Chapter 3 Affection
Chapter 4 Friendship
Chapter 5 Eros
Chapter 6 Charity 

Chapter 2 

Likings and Loves 

for the Sub-Human

... for the sub-human as in I love, ummm, ice cream or I love my cat ... 

"Since "the highest does not stand without the lowest" we had better begin at the bottom, with mere likings; and, since to "like" anything means to take some sort of pleasure in it, we must begin with pleasure." (pg 11)

two classes of pleasure: pleasure preceded by desire (great thirst makes a drink of cold water very pleasurable), and those which are pleasures in their own right not requiring preparation (unsought and unexpected pleasures of smell of a row of sweet peas meeting you on a morning walk) He offers the idea that an unexpected offer of a  drink of a beer to quench one's thirst is a coupling of these two pleasures. 
Presents idea of  "Need-pleasures" (similarly handled to "need-loves") and "Pleasures of appreciation".
"The human mind is generally far more eager to praise and dispraise than to describe and define. It wants to make every distinction a distinction of
value ... as though ... for a prize. " (edited, but from pgs. 12 & 13) 

"We are already warned of this by the fact that Need-pleasure is the state in which Appreciative pleasures end up when they go bad (by addiction).
For us at any rate the importance of the two sorts of pleasure lies in the extent to which they foreshadow characteristics in our "loves" (properly so called)."(pg. 13)
"When Need-pleasures are in question we tend to make statements about ourselves in the past tense; when Appreciative pleasures are in question we tend to make statements about the object in the present tense. It is easy to see why Shakespeare has described the satisfaction of a tyrannous lust as something

Past reason hunted and, no sooner had,
Past reason hated." (pg. 13)

An example of a Need-pleasure might be the smell of bacon frying in the morning ... yummy ... as the smell lingers after breakfast ... not so much a pleasure, maybe even somewhat nauseating. Lewis cites the example of an empty tumbler once one's thirst is slackened. I think sex for sex sake may be a need-pleasure.  One might approach an illicit  liaison with desire then once fate accompli nothing but self-disgust. 
Pleasures of Appreciation are very different. 
"He does not simply enjoy, he feels that this fragrance somehow deserves to be enjoyed. He would blame himself if he went past unattentive and undelighted. It would be blockish, insensitive. It would be a shame that so fine a thing should have been wasted on him. He will remember the delicious moment years hence." (pg. 14)
A need pleasure is momentary, and outside that moment, have no meaning or interest ... easily cast aside as a mistress perhaps ... an object.  "The objects which afford pleasures of appreciation give us the feeling - whether irrational or not - that we somehow owe it to them to savour, to attend to and praise it." (pgs. 14 & 15).  Appreciative pleasure offers a foreshadowing of our experience with beauty ... either more or less senual or aesthetic ... transcendent.
"There is a third element in love, no less important than these, which is foreshadowed by our appreciative pleasures. This judgment that the object is very good, this attention (almost homage) offered to it as a kind of debt, this wish that it should be and should continue being what it is even if we were never to enjoy it, can go out not only to things but to persons. When it is offered to a woman we call it admiration; when to a man, hero-worship; when to God, worship simply." (pgs. 16 & 17)  
I get it ... .     
For the rest of the chapter he talks about love of nature, also love of country or place, patriotism.  And he notes that while animals are sub-human (he tweaks the phrase: sub personal) that we infer personality and thus elevate our "love" for them.

random stuff from around now ...

Stair riser chevron ... If you're thinking about doing this ... I have a few tips:
1. Don't.
Yeah, that's the tip ... it's freaking crazy to sit on a step applying "interest" to the stair risers.  My back ... hates me.
If you simply must have chevron risers (as I still believe I must ... and you are borderline OCD about perfect edges as I must be) ... find wall paper in a nice chevron pattern.  Yep ... wall paper is the ticket, no doubt.  It remains to be seen if I don't wind up rerouting my plan A for wall paper.  Surely it can be found, and ... when I have time to relax tonight, I'm going to shop on line for some.

here is where I am at ... I did the work on the top two today and by that I mean several hours worth of measuring, cutting, peeling (the worse part if you can believe it) the backing away from the black contact vinyl. Obviously, there is some tweaking yet to be done. I think I have 8 more plus the finish up on these already begun.  Then ... the bannister will come down for a refinish and just a bit more painting behind the banister ... over the years I have learned that it is just easiest to loosen or remove stuff that you don't want paint on away from the surfuce you're painting.
Someone recommended a stencil for this effect ... and I think that idea has potential.  My house is old and not exactly "plumb".  As I've worked on interior finishes over the years, I've noticed that houses simply aren't reliably "square".  Also ... in my case, these were milled "less then" we have come to expect in newer buildings.  The actual wood is magnificent ... densely  grained, heavy ... real, real wood ... bit of a love/hate thing!
Someone suggested using a 2" painters tape to mask the white and then brushing on black paint. I don't think I know enough bad words to express how truly mind bending that would be for me ... how would I get my perfect 90 degree turns on each end?

My daughter suggested an "algorithm" ... and honestly, I had to look the word up ... I made a template. It helps.
So ... I listened to my documentary ... and later to Norah singing her mournful little songs ... sounds nice in the stair well ... and I stocked up on Advil ... bet there are easier ways!
Next ... hummus cups ...

super easy and very festive ... One of the kids had a thing last night so I made these in support of that. Cucumber peeled with zester then peeler, cut on diagonal (maybe it's the chevron thing) melon baller scooped out seeds ... piped Publix hummus in and garnished.  The girls loved them ... big hit.  It's good when yummy can also look pretty I think.
And this ...

D texted this photo of her door wreath ... I think it's just perfect ... she said she will add a bird, or some antlers ... ummm, not like the kind that are trophy style ... loose ones.  Gorgeous.  Fall ... bonfires, football ... sweaters, soups, lower AC bill ... good stuff.
And, an interesting thought ... 

I think I have found that to be true. 
Maybe it's more like integrating the mind with the soul ... not an entirely silent mind, but ... interesting thought, I think.  This quieter couple of years has been great for me.   Sometimes I think you just have to hold on as best you can 'til you can quietly figure out what to do ... and ... somethings really aren't thinking things, but they might be thoughtfully packaged.

97/1000

Cooking ... that I actually learned to cook, and I love it ... planning the weeks menu ... shopping for groceries (the produce market especially) ... unpacking the bags and putting our items in the frig or the pantry. This week I made ginger shrimp which required my wok.  I don't get to use it near enough.  It was the first pan I bought for myself and during college practically everything I made was cooked in that wok ... perfect first pan.  This is what I am specifically thankful for ... my number 97 ... that I have a kid who loves to cook almost as much as I do and who will cherish that cooking vessel someday.  I have a copper wok that I have never cooked in ... it's like it's too pretty.  I should give one of those to him ... .

Just trying to distill the fruits of Mr. Lewis' labors as shared in Four Loves ... man, talk about an excellent book!  Perfect for me at this time, it provides a wonderfully wrought implement for "getting a handle" on love.  I read and reread and ... I kinda wish I had the book form to write in as I puzzle it out, but the PDF is kinda excellent too because I like to read on my iPad, low intensity lightness is perfect for the middle of the quiet night.

So ... did finish the tree project ... I taped one little leaf up there and painted the stems and leaves for Paper flowers to be added ... .

This is a shot of the chevron pattern on the stair risers ... hugely labor intensive ... and super cute.  Will post another picture later, maybe much later because I seem to have only enough serenity for one per day ... this is hair pulling kind of tedious.  The withe is high gloss paint and the black is very carefully measured and cut contact paper (adhesive back ... knock on wood that it stays put! May have to paint a clear coat over the entire shebang.)  I looked and looked for the paper before ordering it from Amazon ... two rolls will do 13 fronts if you do this ninety degree turn ... not much room to mess up (lol, I will likely need another roll before the deed id done) ... can't even imagine painting this!

This morning, bright and early, I mapped out a route through six garage sales ... never have done that before and it was pretty much fun.
C needs a couple of chairs ... one for the desk, another for her bathroom.  I thought I could find them for maybe twenty bucks apiece.  The white chair is for her ... once I strip it I will know what do do with the frame.  She has already purchased a fabric ... gonna be sweet!  The middle chair ... I just like the lines.  It needs to be entirely rebuilt.  Under the upholstery is red leather ... I will find some outrageously gorgeous graphic floral for it ... I think, we will see.  I am excited about it.  The rocker ... thinking about painting it black for my front porch, but I secretly want to paint it aqua and antique it with a rich tobacco brown... I am thinking about it (and it is making me smile).  C came up with the idea of buying icky furniture and restoring it to something usable and cool.  I think I may have found my little in home business.  I like messing with furniture.  I could probably sell it as fast as I could love it up ... think I would enjoy that.  I want to make some money.

First chair is for C ... I've hand sanded enough of it to see that it's a soft light wood.  Because of her sensibility I think I will paint it white ... her fabric is a cool geometric graphic, traditional yet updated ... I am going to do something unique in the little cut out back detail ... maybe veneer tiny little silver seed beads ... something subtle ... oh that would be cute and maybe little silver seed bead boots.

I've been piddling around with this post on an open screen all day ... now it is time for dinner prep.  Just L and I tonight ... ginger shrimp.  It's different to cook for two ... .

End of Summer

The sky this morning reminded me of one of the early lessons I learned while earning the instrument rating ...what's happening "here" is transitory ... you may go through it, you may let it go through you ... but it's a thin veil or layer back to where the sun shines (Yeah, maybe more, but it's never as bleak as it appears to be).  I thought of when I read Lewis' analogy on nearness of approach (to God). Sometimes the overcast seems more then it is ... so ... summer's weather coming to an end.

Summer's end shoe sale ... nets these fun paint splattered cork wedges ... and turquoise toenails in support of ... I really do love shoes ... and shoe sales. (Yeah they are super comfy) Gotta save this funny memory here ... at some women's thing and the speaker asked "What is your definition of best girl friend?"  My buddy girl H replied, "Someone who wears my same size shoes."  Love that.

And this ... end of summer peaches ... picture of today's lunch ... spray coat grilling pan, slice, grill, drizzle with honey ... D gave me the recipe earlier this week and I've just been waiting on the peaches to ripen.  Delicious ... while no one was looking I drank the juice from the empty bowl ... the only way this could be better would be eating it with your fingers ... or something like that. Oh!  Maybe with ice-cream!  Highly recommend.

 I love these Redbud leaves for their heart shape and their very intense greenness ... wet with early morning rain painted on in blue.

You can still see the heavy humidity in the way it disperses the sun light, bright on the new tin roof and the tops of the bottles.  I did a u-turn to come back for this picture.  That is an authentic bottle tree.

PS to yesterday's notes ...

"You said some of the best moments last week were when you were sitting outside just relaxing, and I know that you were thinking about something, and I know that it must have been something interesting.    My golf buddy said he really enjoys watching his children parent, but it grieves him that they don't make taking the family to church a priority - Sunday is a rest day from a week that is just too busy.  I think that is where we find ourselves, too busy to think.  You have the luxury of not being too busy and I think it would be sweet for you to share what you are thinking about with people who don't have the time to sit outside and relax, share those best moments." That's what my husband said to me yesterday at lunch, and I have been thinking about it.  

It has taken me quite a while to decompress from years of too busy. And even lately I've seen myself thinking about things more clearly then I was able to just the week before.  I noted here that fear doesn't wear well, what I didn't say, that I do believe, is that we don't wear it well because we weren't designed to "wear"  fear. Fear wasn't part of the original plan ...  intending to say scared fear, not reverent fear.  I love it, in the Bible, when the angel says, "Fear not ... "  it always cracks me up 'cause the appearance of an alien life form would be pretty intense ... apparently, they come with a message, and it's tricky to deliver clear communications through the sometimes impermeable cloak of fear.  And yet we all have our fears ... and our fears are somehow connected to betrayals, breaches of trust ... lessons learned and probably some mis-learned. Little big and big little things that ding cracks in our souls.  How can one let another so sweetly, so lightly, run a finger over their soul if there is no trust ... ?  

As I sat outside last week, landing pumpkin seeds husks on a Redbud seedling and Hosta leaves I was thinking about that dream which represents a difficult time, and fear had me engaged when all I really needed to say was ... I can't fix this ... because it is not mine to fix.  Me, trying to offer any fix for it was actually contributing to the problem.  It's not the problem, but it fuels the problem.  And ... fear is part of what drives me to participate, as well intentioned as it might be, intentions informed by fear are mostly not on the mark.  And ... for the lexicon of that dream, a friend reminded me that there is a Chief Pilot, and I answer to Him.  And ... truth is, He has the big picture and is actually looking out for me, and everyone/everything else, in relation to that better view.  In that dream I was actually contributing to the overall problem ... and not even identifying the most pressing problem ... duh ... low on fuel. When the fuel poops out the plane is going to land.  Period.  It was a problem of managing a landing, not keeping the thing in the air ... .  I was thinking about the relief of disengaging myself from the tangle and ... I had read Lewis' words ...  

"But in the long run it is perhaps even more apparent in our growing - for it ought to be growing - awareness that our whole being by its very nature is one vast need; incomplete, preparatory, empty yet cluttered, crying out for Him who can untie things that are now knotted together and tie up things that are still dangling loose." 

So ... I'm thinking about this.  I have the wonderful luxury of being not too busy to think about this.  And maybe there are some stories worth writing from those thoughts.

My husband really really really, like practically insisting kind of really, thinks I should write a book.  He is bossy like that. And ... this morning he very cheerily said he wants to hear all about my female character at lunch.  I was standing in the closet trying to decide if I should "flip" my summer shoes up to the top shelf making my close toed shoes more readily accessible.  Yeah ... that's the sort of thing I have time to wake up thinking about ... . As I look at my picture I see that I have been able to stretch myself away from black only footwear.  That's a good thing.  Female character at lunch.  This is funny; I was so not thinking about writing a novel that when he said "my female character" I thought he meant my female character, as Toby Keith sang, I thought this was my occasionally.
I worked so long and so hard towards something, just the scrapes really, something in commercial flying ... always mindful that it would be up to me to make it fit with my promises ... all the most important of raising children and tending my home ... and movie night. It was a lot of work for how I don't use it now.  It feels a lot like a fail. Writing a book ... . I don't think people just sit down one day and write a book.  It's true that the few people who know and love me best have all suggested I give it, writing a try.  My husband suggests, based on the flimsy fact that I keep a journal and pretty much always have, that I demonstrate a passion for writing.  I don't think that is what my kinda writing is about.  He, very kindly I think, says I am one of the most curious and tenacious people he has ever seen, meaning, when I am interested in something I explore it ... I like learning about things.  He thinks I should take my love of learning about random stuff and make it research for novels.  For example ... if I like astronomy I might develop a character who does astronomy ... I might find a favorite telescope and plan my story at that general location.  I guess that's basically what Sagan did with Contact ... he spun a story from stuff he knew and stuff he just dreamed up.  I just don't know.  I have accepted that I won't be flying much.  I am settled on the choices I have made there.  Most of the time I am really okay with it ... glad for the luxury of accomplishing a wonderful goal ... ask me anything about weather ... wanna know from whence cometh the winds? ...  ask me about airplanes ... I understand the magic ... it's the joy and grit inside the pilots that makes those things fly ... yeah, it's magic, it really is.  It's what's coming behind fly by wire.  People think we'll take pilots out of the planes ... like drones fly, unmanned.  I think it's just as likely that pilots will become even more integral, plugged in, maybe they will call it fly by desire ... I think the human element provides the magic of flight ... otherwise it's just engineering and physics ... it's good, but it doesn't make mankind's collective spirit soar.
I'm 53 and I haven't worked full-time since the week before my first child was born.  If it were just me, I think I would join the peace corps ... something like that, maybe there wouldn't be any flying for me anyway ... truth is, teaching was all I wanted to do with flying anyway.
Well ... my husband really doesn't want me to get a job outside our home.  He is unable to articulate why.  What I actually do feels ... fairly useless ... .  You know ... what is the point of writing a book?  The bookstores are full of them.  I actually think people spend too much energy on empty entertainment.  I loved reading the Clavell books. And the Kidder book, Mountains Beyond Mountains ... it tells a story that I'm glad to know.  Hmmmm ... .
I told my husband I may have another three or so epic failures in me.  One of them could be a writing career I guess.

Got another tree to paint up at the church ... and more Lewis to absorb.  His books have been a great joy to read.  This one I re-read as I read.

Clive Staples Lewis, commonly referred to as C. S. Lewis and known to his friends and family as "Jack", was a novelist, poet, academic, medievalist, literary critic, essayist, lay theologian, and Christian apologist from Belfast, Ireland.

just wow ...

today in the night sky ... severe overcast here ... cool stuff happens up there all the time ...

both found images ... just wow

September

Four Loves (C.S. Lewis)... Chapter1/6 notes on the Introduction

~found image

PDF for Four Loves
written by C. S. Lewis, first issued in 1958

Chapter 1 Introduction
Chapter 2 Likings and Loves for the sub-human 
Chapter 3 Affection
Chapter 4 Friendship
Chapter 5 Eros
Chapter 6 Charity 



A radio DJ wondered on air If you could sit down for a visit with any one person ... not family, not Jesus ... who would it be?  There may be several people  whom I would love to share some time with, some maybe not a conversation, rather more just the opportunity to observe them or hear them speak, or sing ... and of those people, the reasons for wanting to spend some time in their company vary significantly, and the reasons (or excuses) are not all virtuous.  But, given only one wish company, I know I would chose time with C.S. Lewis.  I've read several of his books.  I like the way he arrived at Christianity.  I like his way ... his sensibility. I like that he seems to know love.  Four Loves is a new title to me.  I would like to have read it in my teens and again and again through my life time.  I wondered as I read through it what I would have been able to make of it as a young woman ... it was written before I was even born.
Well ... in an effort to brief my notes I will re-read it these next few mornings and tap out my thoughts on his thoughts.  Some of them.  It's funny, I do not know this man's name ... not the C or the S of him, but I do know something of his heart.  He shares his heart while he shares his mind ... it's very personal.   I'll change the font color on "my" thoughts as I range through his words.

The book is 129 pages, 6 chapters in all.

Chapter 1 

Introduction

"God is love" ~ St. John (signpost on the highroad ... not only that simple/straight-forward though)

• Gift-love - typically love which moves a man to work and plan and save for the future well-being of his family  which he will die without sharing or seeing.
• Need-love - that which sends a lonely or frightened child to his mother's arms

I think I have seen "work" used as a substitute for the arms of a mother ... but I get what he is trying to help me see.

He states, Divine love is Gift-love in that  God gives all to the Son ... the Son gives all He is back to the Father and to the world, thus giving the world (in Himself) back to the Father ( via the offer of saving restoration to mankind) Need-love is our actual nature. "We are born helpless.  As soon as we are fully conscious we discover loneliness.  We need others physically, emotionally, intellectually: we need them if we are to know anything, even ourselves." (pg 3)

panegyrics = a lofty oration or writing in praise of a person or thing

need-love is actually love ... we do in reality need one another this need-love is not merely selfishness ...  and ... "Every Christian would agree that a man's spiritual health is exactly proportional to his love for God." (pg 4) Man's love for God is largely, often entirely, a Need-love.
love this idea quoted:

"But in the long run it is perhaps even more apparent in our growing - for it ought to be growing - awareness that our whole being by its very nature is one vast need; incomplete, preparatory, empty yet cluttered, crying out for Him who can untie things that are now knotted together and tie up things that are still dangling loose." 

Lewis references "Come unto to me all ye who are weary and heavy laden..." and "Open your mouth wide and I will fill it" ... I think the entire scriptures help us see a need for restoration ... that we need is the skeleton of our story. 
"Thus one Need-love, the greatest of all, either coincides with or at least makes a main ingredient in man's highest, healthiest, and most realistic spiritual condition. A very strange corollary follows. Man approaches God most nearly when he is in one sense least like God. For what can be more unlike than fullness and need, sovereignty and humility, righteousness and penitence, limitless power and a cry
for help? This paradox staggered me when I first ran into it; it also wrecked all my previous attempts to write about love."

fullness and need
sovereignty and humility
righteousness and penitence
limitless power and a cry for help

I see these acted out on a purely human scale, and ... it seems to frequently be shrouded in a big cloud of stink ... humans do not play God well. Perspective seems to be of utmost importance here ... I may, in human interaction, either give to one in need or receive relief for my own needs, but it is important in either role to keep in mind (and heart) that this is done via the grace of God ... as, every good gift is from God (even those which are delivered by human hand).  
We chase our vanities, it seems to me, when credit the fulfilling of "love-needs" to others, also when we require credit for such acts.  
I can think of things that I want which God's hand wouldn't even touch.  I can also see some things which are offered to me which I know didn't come through God's hands ... I will experiment with the idea of where my particular consumables originated, also my motives for lending a hand ... .  I admire people who help when they can and especially those acts offered without expectation.  I imagine those acts to be sacrifices offered to/through God.
As I look around, I see a lot to be thankful for.

Nearness to God, nearness of likeness, nearness of approach
This is an excellent analogy I think ... 

"Let us suppose that we are doing a mountain walk to the village which is our home. At mid-day we come to the top of a cliff, where we are, in space, very near it because it is just below us. We could drop a stone into it. But as we are no cragsmen we can't get down. We must go a long way round; five miles, maybe. At many points during that detour we shall, statically, be far further from the village than we were when we sat above the cliff. But only statically. In terms of progress we shall be far "nearer" our baths and teas."(pg 6)

And here I pause to smile and shake my head at myself ... this isn't brief ... these notes should maybe be in outline form ... idk.  I'll adapt as I go ... I haven't read the last of the book before I started re-reading and making notes of the beginning ... at this rate, I may not get through it this week!  And ... I wish I were smarter.  Sometimes, I have to read the thought over and over again to grasp what he is trying to to get across!  I think once I get his voice in my head I might read several of his books back to back.

nearness via likeness  is conferred and thus we can't do anything to become more near to His Likeness 
nearness via approach is initiated and supported by Grace ... is something we must chose to do
and this is the crux as I see it ... "Hence, as a better writer has said, our imitation of God in this life - that is, our willed imitation as distinct from any of the likenesses which He has impressed upon our natures or states - must be an imitation of God incarnate: our model is the Jesus, not only of Calvary, but of the workshop, the roads, the crowds, the clamorous demands and surly oppositions, the lack of all peace and privacy, the interruptions. For this, so strangely unlike anything we can attribute to the Divine life in itself, is apparently not only like, but is, the Divine life operating under human conditions." (pg 7)

"Love ceases to be a demon only when he ceases to be a god."~Dennis De Rougemont (via C.S. Lewis)
offered as a safeguard as "God is love" may slyly come to mean for us the converse ... love is God.


"We may say, quite truly and in an intelligible sense, that those who love greatly are "near" to God. But of course it is "nearness by likeness". It will not of itself produce "nearness of approach". The likeness has been given us. It has no necessary connection with that slow and painful approach which must be our own (though by no means our unaided) task. Meanwhile, however, the likeness is a splendour. That is why we may mistake Like for Same. We may give our human loves the unconditional allegiance which we owe only to God. Then they become gods: then they become demons. Then they will destroy us, and also destroy themselves. For natural loves that are allowed to become gods do not remain loves. They are still called so, but can become in fact complicated forms of hatred. 

Our Need-loves may be greedy and exacting but they do not set up to be gods. They are not near enough (by likeness) to God to attempt that." (pgs 9 and 10)  
These last two sentences I am thinking about, because I do believe that those things which we worship are precisely little gods ... recent reading in Psalms talks about made by human hand with eyes unseeing, ears unhearing and those who worship thus become as empty as the gods they crafted ... I think those are seen today not so much in totems (though I do see little gods in little shrines at the nail salon) as in the empty and emptying ways we use our lives.  and maybe equally so in the ways we fill our lives up ... maybe I busily serve my little gods while neglecting to make time holy in worship of the God.  I see what Lewis is saying by "likeness" they remain vacant, but perhaps I must respectfully disagree here.  I do believe we may construe needs to be so very important that they seem to become our little gods.  Maybe I miss the point he is making.  See ... lunch time would be very helpful to my better understanding!
"The human loves can be glorious images of Divine love. No less than that: but also no more - proximities of likeness which in one instance may help, and in another may hinder, proximity of approach. Sometimes perhaps they have not very much to do with it either way." (pg 11) ... this in support of his stance ... I'm thinking about it.