The Waking

                                 

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.   

I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.   

I learn by going where I have to go.

We think by feeling. What is there to know?   

I hear my being dance from ear to ear.   

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Of those so close beside me, which are you?   

God bless the Ground!   I shall walk softly there,   

And learn by going where I have to go.

Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?   

The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;   

I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.

Great Nature has another thing to do   

To you and me; so take the lively air,   

And, lovely, learn by going where to go.

     ~ THEODORE ROETHKE

My favorite read thing this year, it's not new to me, but I read it differently then before now.  Lately, I've noticed, that I don't want to write about what I'm thinking about as freely as I have in the past.  Don't want to write too far beneath the skin ... keep it up near the surface away from the larger veins ... .

I've almost decided on a plan for the New Year.  I need something that I enjoy doing that won't break the eggs in the basket I carry ... and, turns out, I really like being as by myself as my days allow.  I know my kids will read that as I don't enjoy my time with them, but that is just ridiculous ... I spend a lot of my time thinking and doing for them ... homemaking which is different from housewifery.

I have been writing as though for a "book" ... not sure what I will make of that.  It's fun, like putting together a puzzle is fun ... but.  We'll see, I haven't written the idea off entirely.  There is a thing I do that I like okay when I am doing it, but I don't particularly spend any of my other time enjoying it ... no reason I can see to do more of that.  THere is a thing I do which I never like doing ... I actually resent the waste of time that it represents for me ... supposed to be something given for something gained, but the gain hasn't been there ... I plan to honor my commitments there but not make new ones ... ease out.  Happy ... it is a choice, a complicated one.  I am happy.

That picture ... clover ... .  Clover represents happy.  I know how it feels.  I have learned how to identify it, the feeling of it, as it happens.  

So ... today ... we drive to a big airport (love that, really) and meet my son's plane.  That hug will be ... happy.  Later, after a cup of Starbucks (happy) we will meet my m-i-l's plane .... she has made that not something I look forward to, but I would not be happy to think of her spending the Holiday's alone.  I am happy to be able to open my home to her.  It's raining here ... and there's fireplace wood under the shelter of the back porch roof (happy).  The birds are all over the freshly filled feeder (happy).

And now ... time to cook breakfast for my husband (happy).