Everything seems at loose ends and I feel scared. I wish I could just give up today. I'm spending another summer training and I am questioning myself. Women like me are doing bakram yoga and shopping. Seems like everyone has a coach bag. I feel like I'm just not a very good woman sometimes.

Today's flight was fun and discouraging all within the same 1.0. My flying buddy says I should fly more mechanical, the FI I'm working with fusses about me flying too mechanically... Everybody has an opinion, a different opinion. I'm working on my talk about the Vg diagram... Can't really discuss that without looking at several concepts. Then I hear one of the FSDO guys is all about systems while the other guy is all about aerodynamics. I started this part 141 and we've lost our examing authority ... I feel the hurdles growing, shifting. I'm isolating myself by being interested in flying when I'm the only pilot I know other than the guys at the flight school.

My FI said 5 years of instructing and I'd be burned out on it. He wondered what I might do then. He said I know you like flying a Navajo, you'd like a King Air... I told him I was thinking about instructing at the beach ... Maybe flying a little with retirees who have lost their medicals. I told him I'd have to charge a little higher than the going rate just so they wouldn't think it was a date. He laughed.

I'm just feeling sorry for myself tonight. Stressed.