I felt cherished and safe... And that's still not the right words for the feeling. Cherished was an initial but fleeting feeling. Safe was always a part of that feeling of trust until something happenned to upset things and then I was intentionally undermined. I was taken down at the weather desk. Pretty funny. Lots of pilots have problems at the weather desk. Trusting lulled me in to feeling interpersonally safe. But I wasn't.

What's better for hunting? A rifle, maybe with a scope? A hand gun? The close range would give the deer a better chance... More sporting some might say, but then does the deer think the hunter is unarmed? At the lake there was a man who would feed the deer every evening. He even slid flea collars over their necks. He did his hunting with a knife.
My husband didn't rejoice with me that I had experienced the ability to trust (someone other than him). He's the guy walking around without his wedding ring on. College ring yes. Wedding ring no. Yesterday, my flying buddy asked me what do your children think of their Dad w/o his ring on? One thinks I need to see an attorney. Two is unaware. Three may be unaware, if he does know he's thinking about how to use it to his advantage. Four is mad at me for not being more jr league...she's pretty sure that's the problem. And Five thinks daddy's ring just doesn't fit. "Wow, why's he doing this?" flying buddy asked. I shrugged and said, "It's some kind of power game". Just another power game that I don't quite understand. Just another way of sucking the energy out of me. "Do you think y'all will divorce?" he asked. I said "I think marriage is a covenant relationship." Meaning God's business. I am trying to reach for how it felt to trust. I am trying to trust God. I am trying to believe what I can't see. The invisible moving the visible.