Is sukalicious a word?

wow what a sukalicious day. Honestly, other than someone dying I cannot remember a more stressful day. I do two things - well, three.
I try to walk with my hand in God's hand. I realize that my retardedness makes that walk very tedious for God, but He set this up not me so....
I try to honor the promises I have made ... to my husband within the context of our marriage and to my five children. I remember holding each one of them in my arms while I watched them take their first breathes - I promised that I would always do my very best for them. What's best is hard to figure out, but I am deeply committed to addressing that.
And three - I fly. I fly to rebuild myself, to get back some of who was compromised along the way (difficult accomplishments make me stronger)and I fly with the objective of helping others as they reach for this goal...what it means to me is of little concern, people have their own reasons for doing things that are difficult and I am comfortable with providing support for that.

I am not thrilled - less than - about how things are for my family. That may not be a huge big deal. I really don't know. I like that One has graduated and is doing a good job of making hard choices. Two - partying, but maybe okay ...maybe on track. Three - coming up on senior year ... strong, confident, kind, looking like a man will happen there. Four - mini me ... she'll be okay. And Five ... she's ten... she's looking pretty good. Marriage - hmmm - I didn't see this coming and it may be that middle age crazy thing ... it is seriously pissing me off but I may be able to get through this. Thirty years in. I should be able to figure this one out. Either way should look about the same for me. Alone is doable, if not preferable... that remains to be seen. I'm not a big fan of bitter, but I may have to walk through that, I don't haftah stay there. I have my ring off and I am kind of okay with the whole goose and gander thing. I am remembering the me that won't to be fucked with. I'm just a little bit tired of trying to be a sweetheart all the time.

And then I fly. I have never seen such a confusing mess as this flight school mess. I am going to think about this, but not tonight. I have never been this unsure about my path before. My buddy said, "don't blow a gasket over this", but seriously, this is not looking right.

I totally know that this sounds like someone who has had a martini and a half but ... even the beach is getting fucked up.