Today.
I am practicing staying in today.
I began tidying up True North recently - storing some of the older posts while I decide if they still belong here, or not. This past year and a half or so I've been thinking about and working on trust. I thought the trust application was what was most broken about me. The saying "when the student is ready, the teacher will appear" has been true. I was ready to trust and someone trustworthy came along. Wow. He did not look like someone I would trust. My first impression of him wasn't favorable and I don't remember when I started liking him...probably right around the time I suddenly trusted him. I expected trust to feel like a warm blanket, sorta soothing, sorta comforting. If you could taste it, it would be buttery like girl scout cookies. Instead trust made me feel safe and strong enough to trust myself. Now I am trying to think "I trust you" every time I can...similar to building any muscle - light reps at first. And, it doesn't have to be a big deal. It can be "I trust you with something specific and minor". It's a little bit about self confidence, but it hasn't settled out yet so I am unable to process it still. But it's good. I still do not like the huge " I trust you" because for me that seems to forge a bond that makes me feel too vulnerable...it feels like giving a piece of yourself into their care and probably imposes a burden on the trustee. I am going to try to trust God like that. And I think that kind of trust equals faith. I trusted someone trustworthy and nothing about that specific dynamic has changed because I still trust them. I don't see them anymore so it's pretty convenient for me to trust someone who is not around to mess it up : ) just kidding ... I think. All kidding aside, that teacher gave me a gift: the ability to choose to trust,which can lead me to trusting God by choosing to do so.

Now I want to start working on staying in the day. I want to practice being intentional about today. Part of that means not worrying too far out about stuff I know is beyond my control.
I've never been considered controlling by anyone who knows me well. I do have a lot of opinions, that's true. I know what I think about the things I've thought about. I also really like stuff to have a place and be in that place, but that doesn't happen often in a home with a lot of helpers. I don't mean that facetiously. People have all different ways of how they think things should be done. I would alphabetize the pantry if it was "my" pantry ... but I don't impose my system on the rest of my family. If they fold the towels I accept their way of folding.
One of my sons recently had me proof a paper he wrote on "sliding" - which means not thinking about stuff that needs some attention. A slider lets events move her along. Reactive rather than proactive. I'm definitely not saying that planning isn't good just that fretting is counterproductive.
Back to staying in the day: Like the certif I'm currently working on. Worrying about it actually makes a successful completion less likely... And it steals a lot of the shear joy out of the exercise. Am I going to have to support my self as a flight instructor? I could legitimately fret about that. And that is silly. Everyone knows flight instructors can't make ends meet. Worrying about the check ride gauntlet is counterproductive. I want to enjoy the process and I want to enjoy the day as it unfolds.
My kid just walked through and said "M24 sniper rifle" - how does he know that? I'm sitting here by myself watching the History channel. These sniper guys really think in detached terms. I need to adopt a strategy something like that to maximize my efforts. The check pilot has been called Herr whatever ... I'm gonna start thinking of him as twinkie starting...now
Today. We planted 6 blueberry trees. We planted the three new bushes I have wanted in places where the sticker bushes were. The sticker bushes are finally gone thanks to that kid who graciously contributed what he could to help his mom. He doesn't fold towels well, but that is okay.
Today is almost complete. I am going to spend the rest of it re-reading the regs. That will help.