I'm not going to church today. While I was shampooing I realized that going to a different church - especially the specific church I have requested for family worship - would be seen as ... Well controversial by my husband. Better to skip it all together then throw in with the rebels.
That gave me time to wander through my blog as I like to do occasionally ... Guess what I read?! In July I wrote about a dream about the art to commemorate the CFI certificate. I wrote about how I like to race. I like to organize. I like to sort and stack. I like to compartmentalize. It's not only a coping strategy, it's how I do life. Plan the work and work the plan. Yes, embrace the occasional sideroad, but never lose orientation with the main route to the destination. Which is to say, when I leave here I am going to the beach. I may stop to enjoy a fruit stand or a historical marker along the way ... A may divert in pursuit of a fancy ... But when I wake up tomorrow, it's going to be to the sound of waves. They match my pulse. They roll in and recede as surely as I put one foot down in front of the other. (see, I'm meandering now ... I just visited the coast)
The post is titled a change of pace. Ironic. Unintentionally so. The dream: of the lovely (empty) housing of a time piece and an admonition to enjoy the journey without imposing time constraints.
That is a huge challenge for me. I climbed the lighthouse steps while carrying on a conversation and mentally composing pictures before I clicked ... Upon reaching the top and identifying the docent all I really wanted to know was "how many steps", but I needn't have asked. She provided confirmation rather then information. I count. Subconsciously.
I'm thinking maybe I can take a break from that. A change of pace. My husband says I am vigilant. Yeah, I am. I think that's a compliment.
This weekend we watched a movie. Eat,Pray,Love. Afterwards, I asked him, "what's your word.". He hasn't decided (or shared). "Whatdoyah think my word is?" I asked. He immediately said courageous then amended it to " healer". I don't know about either of those - both very nice words. Both about observing stuff and having a working plan of action formulating - both action words. Actions happen within an envelope of time. For me relaxing always comes with the companion "for how long?"... Until the ice melts? ... Standard two minutes ... Until ... ?
I see I have some stuff to work on here.
I do think it's cool that my dream knew.