Yesterday morning I surprised myself by feeling a little teary.  I'm not much of a crier.  Wait - that may not be true.  I tear up at unexpected times, times when my soul is engaged and my brain is on autopilot. I cried when I was making pesto this weekend.  A stranger was in the hospital dying. The pesto was an ingredient in a dish I was making to send over for visiting family.  Also strangers ... a mutual friend made the request and I was happy to help out.  1/4 cup of walnuts ... olive oil ... parmesan cheese ... a silent tear sliding down a cheek.  Usually those little tears are happy ones.

I would expect there might be tears associated with a child leaving for college. In my case this was the last of five to take that step and I hadn't shed a tear at any of those other transitions.  Maybe it's because this is the last one. She was unexpected at 42.  I didn't cry then  I laughed when a friend gave me a maternity t-shirt which read "OVER THE HILL AND OFF THE PILL" even though I wasn't off the pill at all. My career plans changed and I felt blessed to have one more chance to help build a foundation and I thought I'd be pretty good at it being an old hand.  I continued to work "part-time" and enjoyed the sweetness that a baby brings to a family. She flew with me a good bit before she was old enough to begin preschool.

The time flew by as it tends to do.

Maybe it was coming around the corner and seeing her room empty of those things that made it hers. A few favorite snapshots were hanging forlornly in an otherwise mostly vacant room.  Taking the cute little kitty cat bank out of a storage box in her closet and setting it out on an almost empty bookshelf in her room didn't make me feel much better. I remembered my own mother saying, "If I'd known you would never live at home again when you left for college, I wouldn't have let you go".  I thought that was such a weird thing for her to say.  That was years later.  I expect them to build their life in a nest of their own.  It's great when they come home, but it's different.  My Dad sent a hallmark card to me late in that first semester away.  It had 20 bucks in it and a note in his own writing which said pizza money ... money was tight in the home I grew up in, I knew he had converted it from his beer money.  The card was a perfect reflection of my dad's sense of humor.  On the outside it read "Since you've been gone we decided to convert the room where you spent all your time..." and on the inside "... we are using it as a house bath again."

My girl cousins on my mother's side are coming in for Labor Day weekend.  I don't know any of them at all.  I've maybe seen them twice at the most over my life but they are Facebook friends.  Weird, huh?  It was my idea and quite frankly, I vacillate between hoping it will be fun or at least helpful, to just cautious preparation.  My mom and her sister shared the most contentious dynamic that I've ever seen outside of political circles. I don't know why ... or how.  On of the cousins was asking about my mother trajectory once she began to decline physically.  In visiting with her via FB messenger I realized she was as adrift as I felt back when Momma was first diagnosed. Two of the cousin sisters have already opted out with pretty sound excuses (which I do not take personally, they may be even completely legit).  They all have slightly closer ties to each other than I have had with any of them.  There are some mean words between the different sets of cousins that seem to be generating plausible excuses for opting out.  We're planning on driving up to see all things "MAGNOLIA" for one of the days. I've asked every one to bring an already written description of a fun/funny event featuring their momma which will be read to the group and we can guess which of the four sisters that was.  I also asked everyone to bring a little token wrapped gift to be exchanged fire drill style. Company coming in, strangers to me basically.  That's why I'm fussing around in V's room. Making ready.

After that my husband and I plan on spending a couple weeks at the coast camping out (just us and the dog).  Then I have to get to class for a couple of days to do a FIRC - flight instruction recertification process.

I have a few things planned other than those delightful little trips.  I am relearning conversational Spanish.  It's tricky because I haven't found a "Tex-Mex" app and we don't really speak Español here in Texas. The app I'm using is set up sorta like a game.  It's fun.  I'm also relearning how to dive from the side into a pool.  I don't really like that - it hurts my face a  bit - but I think it will amuse grandkids one of these days. I had a really fun grandmother. I need time to work on that!  She baked a beautifully decorated cake to welcome Daddy's twin home (he lived overseas).  I'd forgotten the story, but was recently reminded by Daddy's cousin.  When my Uncle's bride (star of the visit) cut in to the cake, while everyone circled around, the cake exploded sending sticky bits everywhere and filling the room with (mostly) laughter.  Grandmomma had secretly hollowed out the cake and planted a blown up balloon inside.  I would never ever in a million years think of doing that! It was funny (mostly) ... I laughed to think of my super prankster G laughing her little 4'6" self silly, but I have a lot of work do to get anywhere near that level.

Today, I'm repotting my Meyer's lemon tree and working around the house for the cousin's visit. Mostly though, I'm sitting here listening to the pool fountain, chewing up perfectly melted ice cubes and attempting to get back in the habit of noting stuff here.

As far as "home improvement" goes, I have sheer drapes up next for this room. Next up tweaking the masterbath - haven't done a thing in there yet.