The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Thursday, February 28, 2013


 Picture from yesterday early evening ... the birds are all over this feeder like a fast food drive thru across from a college campus.  The placement makes it handy for observing and I've noticed that birds have different personalities.  It seems sort of a silly thing to just now be noticing ... particularly because it surprises me.  I think of them as "birds" ... one the same as the next within their "type" ... not so though.  I removed all the nests built in previous years from my rose vine.  Pretty soon nests will begin to re-appear.  It's good to have time to sit and see them ... really see them.  They amaze me.
This book is on my table this morning ... there were interesting notes outlined nearby.  Mentioned to Two that I would like to read the notes if that's okay.  She said, "Sure, but I have a test on this today so I need to take the notes with me today."  Then she pulled this book out of the little stack at the end of this very long table and gave it to me.  Isn't it interesting how "we" are all so very different?  And how the nest we come out of informs the nest we attempt to build ... .

So ... today ... I am reading this book, and another book, Meditations on the Tarot, thinking about picking up some supplies for handwork (like crochet and quilting), doing a good bit of routine house work, fretting just a bit about my emotionally frail mother (dementia issues) and ... looking forward to about three hours in the air late this afternoon (... in the air where all I think about is flying stuff ... pretty intensely relaxing).

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

An appealing quilt ... I may need to give this a go.
~showed up on fb via someone's flickr.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Blue Sky ...
Leaves unfurling.  I like that rose vine.  I like it a lot.

Abide ... abiding ... good words

~ from Alabama Chanin

Alistair Begg's notes for the day:

Salvation belongs to the Lord!

Jonah 2:9 
Salvation is the work of God. It is He alone who quickens the soul "dead in...trespasses and sins,"1 and He it is who maintains the soul in its spiritual life. He is both "Alpha and Omega."

"Salvation belongs to the LORD!" If I am prayerful, God makes me prayerful; if I have graces, they are God's gifts to me; if I hold on in a consistent life, it is because He upholds me with His hand. I do nothing whatever toward my own preservation, except what God Himself first does in me. Whatever I have, all my goodness is of the Lord alone. Whenever I sin, that is my own doing; but when I act correctly, that is wholly and completely of God. If I have resisted a spiritual enemy, the Lord's strength nerved my arm.

Do I live before men a consecrated life? It is not I, but Christ who lives in me. Am I sanctified? I did not cleanse myself: God's Holy Spirit sanctifies me. Am I separated from the world? I am separated by God's chastisements sanctified to my good. Do I grow in knowledge? The great Instructor teaches me. All my jewels were fashioned by heavenly art. I find in God all that I want; but I find in myself nothing but sin and misery. "He only is my rock and my salvation."
Do I feed on the Word? That Word would be no food for me unless the Lord made it food for my soul and helped me to feed upon it. Do I live on the bread that comes down from heaven? What is that bread but Jesus Christ Himself incarnate, whose body and whose blood I eat and drink? Am I continually receiving fresh supplies of strength? Where do I gather my might? My help comes from heaven's hills: Without Jesus I can do nothing.
As a branch cannot bring forth fruit except it abide in the vine, no more can I, except I abide in Him. What Jonah learned in the ocean, let me learn this morning in my room: "Salvation belongs to the LORD."

~ gravity glue


  1. Deliverance from sin and its consequences.
  2. Preservation or deliverance from harm, ruin, or loss.
rescue - saving - deliverance - redemption - escape
~ gravity glue

(Go look at that guy's rock stacks ... some kinda genius at work there!)

If a person can do what he in fact does do with ... rocks and physics ... with seen and unseen ... well, there's no telling what God can stack up via the Rock of Salvation, Christ.

So.  I really am thinking about this little "devotional" this morning and ... I see how he came up with this idea, or conclusion.  It kind of creeps me out too though in that it emphases how not in concharge we are.  I like it because, for one thing, it seems true to me, but the other thing after that is the idea expressed by the words  except I abide in Him ...good words.  Abide ... I've been hearing the idea of   reading the word (God's word not what someone else has to say about/with it) ... and the other day I read a definition of religion, let me go find that, bc it was really cool to see expressed in black and white why "religion" is a fail ... religion attempts to "glue" stuff, people, ideas ... rules ... pretty much everything ... together but it's not the glue ... I think the glue is something invisible; wholly and completely of God as Begg has phrased it.
Here's a definition ... the one I am most acquainted with:



  1. The belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power, esp. a personal God or gods.
  2. Details of belief as taught or discussed.

Here's the one I read the other day (here @ Improved Clinch ... thanks JOHN)

Christianity is NOT Religion, it is a most powerful self improvement tool, and using the teachings of Jesus Christ for any other purpose than self improvement leads to problems.
The Latin word from which the English word “religion” is derived means “to bind up.” Jesus did not come to bind us up in rules and regulations or rituals of devotion, but to set us free to be man as God intended.
I think it really is that simple.  The difficult part for me is ... abide ... it's a big word.  


  1. Accept or act in accordance with (a rule, decision, or recommendation): "I would abide by their decision".
stay - stand - endure - reside - dwell - remain - bear

Abide ... abode.  I'm thinking about that.  We "go" to where we think we are sheltered/nurtured ... loved.  We naturally, intuitively, seek an abiding place.  I love this word and the many connotations.  

Some one else has done some thinking on this word ... found here, I copied and edited  a bit:

It is amazing how when a word is translated from one language to another, it loses a large amount of its original meaning and gains an entirely different meaning. The word "abide" is one of those words. See, people don’t really know what this word means and so assume that it is not an important word. H
The regular dictionary contains several definitions for the word "abide." These definitions are: to put up with, tolerate; wait patiently for; to withstand; to dwell; to remain in place; and to conform to. These are all good definitions, but in the original usage (Greek, Hebrew, Aramaic), the meaning of the word went much deeper.

There are five different words in the original Greek and Hebrew for the one word (abide) that we have in our language. 

The first of these words, epimeno, is the strengthened form of another verb, meno, which means "intensive." The word epimeno sometimes indicates perseverance in continuing to do something. 
The second word, katameno, is a verb that means "constant residence" or "frequent resort." Another word, parameno, means "to continue" and is sometimes used to express confidence in abiding with a person. 
One really neat word is hupomeno which means "to remain in a place instead of leaving it; to stay behind or persevere." 
Finally, the word prosmeno is used in several different situations to indicate a persistent loyalty or a continuance in doing something.
When we abide in something, we are loyal to it even unto death. When we abide, we remain in a certain place even when the rest of the world has left us behind. To abide means to continue doing whatever is being done even when it is hard and the urge to quit is almost too much. The word abide means to cling to something and have faith in it, even when it seems to have failed. Sometimes "abide" is used with some of the meanings that are in today’s English dictionary, but the above mentioned usages are also a large part of the way this word fits into our language.

not exactly "accept" or "act in accordance with" ... worth some thought

Monday, February 25, 2013

Water chestnuts @ the Asian Market (pretty color palette) and the view from my front porch right now. Current conditions fit the words of my early morning reading; " discern the face of the sky as it grows black, and to find the sun obscured, and the heavens angry and frowning!"   It's not raining everywhere though, here, yes, the ground is soaked and still it showers, but just a bit above it's the prettiest blue over a fairly smooth layer of white.  Just showery ... no TCU's around here, not angry and frowning, just getting the ground ready to wake up spring.

This weekend we looked for my next project, but came up short.  I find myself with nothing much to do today.  My restlessness had Sammy waiting at the back door to just go outside.  He'd rather watch the rain from the back porch I guess.  Yesterday I baked a cake from scratch, probably my second one in thirty some odd years.  My family was very enthusiastic about it (there are two) but I'm not a big fan of the recipe.  I think every cake that isn't an Italian Creme Cake really should be a variation on a pound cake.
Well ... I should do something productive ... .

Chocolate Cake plus pecan/choco glaze

Mexican Chocolate Cake ... recipe in "what I'm cooking lately ... Feb.2013

Friday, February 22, 2013

today, luxuriating in quiet ... with Piano Guys ... (and sort of thinking of the coast)

orchid clouds

Low OVC here today cancelled the flight lesson I had scheduled.  "Student" really should have called yesterday to cancel, all the signs were there and I'm trying to help him look just a bit farther ahead, both from the ground on things like weather and in the air on things exactly like flying the plane ... more plugged in.  Ah well, finally he did call.  It's just ... if you're going to fly, the flight begins before you pull the airplane out of the hanger ... .

Pilots of light aircraft really should be watching the weather.

Orchids ... how they look right now, right over there on the buffet.  I like them. They look like little clouds showering rain beneath ... just like outside will look in a short while.

Today I am so glad to be basically fininshed with the chair I was working on.  An e-mail popped in notifying me of an estate sale opening today stretching through the weekend.  I need another piece ... kinda wanting a small side table this time.  I have decided to dip those feet in dark stain ... waiting for a warm day to do that, it's sort of a back porch thing.  Today I want to get busy tidying the house up for the weekend.  Shouldn't take long ... .

Time for some really loud music ... lol.

Thursday, February 21, 2013

What I've been up to today ...

at the thrift shop
 This may be complete ... I need some help muscle-ing the back in to place and securing it.  I may hand stitch the trim braid on to the fabric where it meets the wood on the seat back.  That was the original intent.  Also, where the "feet" are stained I am thinking about bringing that up a bit.  I may change the feet, the scale seems a little off to me, and I'm thinking about "dipping" them in a very happy shade of yellow (it's noted in the fabric).

Under the loose cushion and on the outside back the fabric is a smokey blue linen ... I love the color and the texture.
Soup from my daughter's garden for lunch today.  Chicken broth with ... Kale, onion and shaved turnips ... black beans from the pantry.  Delicious!

20 Feb @ 6:59 EST
sudden shift on line below Denver

21 Feb @ 12:59 EST
in this picture it's over there on the Texas/Louisianna border and you can see that circulation around the Low
not much blowing around over here today ... Maybe I should go pick up the fire wood that blew out of the trees on Saturday! ... Looks like we are in for some more rain!

pretty cool, huh?

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

contrails ...

Clouds come floating into my life,
 no longer to carry rain or usher storm, 
but to add color to my sunset sky.  
~Rabindranath Tagore

What are contrails?
Contrails are a type of ice cloud, formed by aircraft as water vapor condenses around small dust particles, which provide the vapor with sufficient energy to freeze. The water vapor is already in the air surrounding the aircraft while the dust, or condensation nuclei, is comprised primarily of soot particles produced during the combustion process. They can also form when water vapor from the airplane’s engines collide with the water vapor in the air.
CONTRAILS from NASA's Museum in a Box

... there's more ... make the jump! 

Monday, February 18, 2013

Forgiveness ~ Matthew West

Song heard on the radio today ... goes directly to the question of how to address those "persistent intentional hurts" ... it moves away the mad inside/it's always anger's own worst enemy ...

~ Matthew West

It’s the hardest thing to give away
And the last thing on your mind today
It always goes to those that don’t deserve

It’s the opposite of how you feel
When the pain they caused is just too real
It takes everything you have just to say the word…


It flies in the face of all your pride
It moves away the mad inside
It’s always anger’s own worst enemy
Even when the jury and the judge
Say you gotta right to hold a grudge
It’s the whisper in your ear saying ‘Set It Free’

Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible

Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Help me now to do the impossible

It’ll clear the bitterness away
It can even set a prisoner free
There is no end to what it’s power can do
So, let it go and be amazed
By what you see through eyes of grace
The prisoner that it really frees is you

Forgiveness, Forgiveness
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

Show me how to love the unlovable
Show me how to reach the unreachable
Help me now to do the impossible

I want to finally set it free
So show me how to see what Your mercy sees
Help me now to give what You gave to me
Forgiveness, Forgiveness

notes/yesterday's sermon and a couple of thoughts since then

~ found image

The unfolding of your words gives light;

    it gives understanding to the simple. ~Ps.119:130

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, 
a worker who does not need to be ashamed 
and who correctly handles the word of truth. ~2 Timothy 2:15

And ... my notes transcribed as follows:

and savors ... the word

unfold - open, uncover, discover ... "gives light" understanding to the simple (go to the scripture expecting to be taught something - always something more
break it open, understand it, before one can live it

look, consider, discern ----> requires diligence

God is the source of the Gospel, the author ... every verse must be able to bear the weigth of the entire Bible. There is only one meaning, one truth (not what it means to me) ---> As one perfect diamond cut and polished to be multi-faceted, the word may shine different lights in different context.  

He's saying it all "fits" together and means something as a book ... he said this Book is the bearing of God's soul ... same God, same story through out.  I can see how I bear my soul here in this little place where I write, and because I know my story completely, intimately, it all makes perfect sense to me how these last few years of my musings "fit" together.  Even this little notebook can be looked at as little stories, but in fact, what I am doing is attempting to tell my story to myself and especially to my children for later ... not to be morbid, but the women in my family usually don't make it to sixty ... so I endeavor to be transparent in this little search for True North ... Could it be that the God of the Universe gave us a book whereby he hoped to expose his heart.  I think so ... I've thought that for a long time.  My husband and I t-boned a car when I was several months pregnant with our first born child ... we had previously been in a car accident which resulted in a miscarriage a few years earlier ... the most obvious difference in the two wrecks was that in the second one we were wearing seat belts ... it's kind of a funny story because the guys we ran in to were drunk and pulled through our lane in to the drive way of a whorehouse, it was the only structure out basically in the middle of nothing else.  When I got out of the car ... eight months huge and bleeding, the ladies of ill-repute poured out of the house to my aid ... long story short, the pregnancy was successful and I wondered had we not been mandated to wear our seat belts, because it became law in Texas that very day, would we have died leaving our baby behind with no way to know us or how very much we loved him and hoped to spend time with him ... when I thought that, I immediately thought that's exactly what happened to God ... he wanted time with us, but events separated Him from His children ... and so ... He wrote a book explaining the story and wooing us to hope for a time after this time when we might find a way ( via His only begotten son, Jesus) back to nearness to Him.  Anyway ... that's when the Bible started seeming like more then just a bunch of little stories ... good words of "advice" ... somewhat antiquated perhaps ... that's when I started thinking of The Bible as a message to mankind from the Creator.  It seemed like I would want to avail myself of that very special message. Back to the sermon notes ...

meditate - has the context of "in-depth, prolonged reflection in the presence of God". It takes a while to "digest" all the nutrients (and then he talked about the bovine digestive system of chew and re-chew).
Next he gave the illustration of the "locks" that make up the Panama canal.  As the vessel transitions from one side to the other there is progression through the locks.  "Open up your entire being to allow penetration to every fiber.", Pastor encouraged, listing examples of "spiritual locks" as possibly ... blindness, hard-heartedness, hidden aspects of our soul ... "Let your longings be open to God ... open your heart to the word of God."

savor - God intends for the Bible to be read, studied, understood on a personal level ... it is intended as an intimate missive.  then he gave a cooking analogy ... baste/ soak/ marinade ... and encouraged the listeners to chose to marinade themselves in the words of God.  Next he described a movie ... The Soldier and the Rose ... or maybe it was just a story ... here is what I have found of it:

Author Unknown

John Blanchard stood up from the bench, straightened his Army uniform, and studied the crowd of people making their way through Grand Central Station. He looked for the girl whose heart he knew, but whose face he didn't, the girl with the rose. His interest in her had begun thirteen months before in a Florida library. Taking a book off the shelf he found himself intrigued, not with the words of the book, but with the notes penciled in the margin. The soft handwriting reflected a thoughtful soul and insightful mind.

In front of the book, he discovered the previous owner's name, Miss Hollis Maynell. With time and effort he located her address. She lived in New York City. He wrote her a letter introducing himself and inviting her to correspond. The next day he was shipped overseas for service in World War II

During the next year and one-month the two grew to know each other through the mail. Each letter was a seed falling on a fertile heart. A Romance was budding. Blanchard requested a photograph, but she refused. She felt that if he really cared, it wouldn't matter what she looked like.

When the day finally came for him to return from Europe, they scheduled their first meeting - 7:00 pm at Grand Central Station in New York.

"You'll recognize me, " she wrote, "by the red rose I'll be wearing on my lapel." So at 7:00 he was in the station looking for a girl whose heart he loved, but whose face he'd never seen.

I'll let Mr. Blanchard tell you what happened: A young women was coming toward me, her figure long and slim. Her blonde hair lay back in curls from her delicate ears; her eyes were blue as flowers. Her lips and chin had a gentle firmness, and in her pale green suit she was like springtime come alive. I started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she was not wearing a rose. As I moved, a small, provocative smile curved her lips. "Going my way, sailor?" she murmured. Almost uncontrollably I made one step closer to her, and then I saw Hollis Maynell. She was standing almost directly behind the girl. A woman well past 40, she had graying hair tucked under a worn hat. She was more than plump, her thick-ankled feet thrust into low-heeled shoes. The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away. I felt as though I split in two, so keen was my desire to follow her, and yet so deep was my longing for the women whose spirit had truly companioned me and upheld my own

And there she stood. Her pale, plump face was gentle and sensible; her gray eyes had a warm and kindly twinkle. I did not hesitate. My fingers gripped the small worn blue leather copy of the book that was something precious, something perhaps even better than love, a friendship for which I had been and must ever be grateful.

I squared my shoulders and saluted and held out the book to the women, even though while I spoke I felt choked by the bitterness of my disappointment. "I'm Lieutenant John Blanchard, and you must be Miss Maynell. I am so glad you could meet me; may I take you to dinner?"

The women's face broadened into a tolerant smile. "I don't know what this is about, son," she answered, "but the young lady in the green suit who just went by, she begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said if you were to ask me out to dinner, I should go and tell you that she is waiting for you in the big restaurant across the street. She said it was some kind of test!"

It's not difficult to understand and admire Miss Maynell's wisdom. The true nature of a heart is seen in its response to the unattractive. "Tell me whom you love," Houssaye wrote, "And I will tell you who you are."

The Pastor's closing words ... "God bears His soul in the words in his book - there by He draws me to Himself".

I understand that.  I totally get it.

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Again with wind.

Yesterday I observed the effects of wind from the airplane.
Boy was it a rough ride from the back seat of a small light airplane.  Part of the check ride was recovery from unusual attitudes.  I wasn't sure that the young pilot "knew" to keep the airplane coordinated ... and especially so with the nose high,  close to stalling.  Right Front Seat was quite capable (which made it relatively comfortable safety wise ... ) ... I never felt that I was endangering my life and so could relax (somewhat) and observe the effect that the wind had on the plane.  It basically  threw us around.  I want to write only about my flying because of respect for the other pilot's privacy ... but I want to remember what it "felt like" to me from where all I could do was watch (and maybe pray ...  while I was relaxing).

Full rudder for departure ... I opted for a full power run up, uh "short field" technique without the best rate climb.  Departure was fun.  Setting up for cruise was ... I typically I hold altitude effortlessly, set 'er up, trim, good to go ... yesterday  I was in and out on the throttle,  the plane insisted on close supervision and even with my full attention, was suddenly up and down 100 foot either way on the desired altitude.  In other words ... there wasn't a sweet spot for holding altitude and I just had to accept it and wrestle with the plane.
Power off 180 straight in to the wind was the landing proposed for a little field along the route.  Check pilot laughed and said we'd never make my selected point.  I'm not bragging at all, I certainly had my doubts too, but we did make the 1000' marker.  I would have like a bit more assurance ... really don't like to play the let's see how this all works out game when I'm flying ... winds were gusty and I may have needed to push 'em in to the wall.  No flaps ... I shed the altitude with a slightly steeper turn immediately upon pulling the power and the carb heat  ... got below the tree line pretty fast.  It didn't sit down as firmly as I would have like.  Again full rpm before brake release for the departure.
Back at my field I opted for a look see on the long runway ... again, no flaps and full rudder.  I didn't like it and called missed approach once over the gate.  We did capture the glide scope all the way down,  but I felt that as we bled off airspeed in the transition, holding the runway might get a little messy.  Unnecessarily so because my other runway was only 20 degrees off rather then the 50 offered by the long runway.  Landing 29 was uneventful.
Once inside the terminal, a transit pilot asked for conditions and said he had requested an altitude envelope of 1000' to bounce around in.  They stopped at my airport so his wife could settle her stomach.  I believe he said they were enroute from Virginia to New Orleans.  I told him it was a rough ride and ice was in the forecast ... he said he would stay out of the clouds ... geez.  I noticed that they opted to settle in for the night.  Excellent call given how long they'd been aloft and how far they had yet to travel.  It sure wasn't going to get any friendlier to light single engine aircraft as the day wore on.

Umm ... experience helps quite a bit.  As did just trading seats (from my perspective).
Knowing what to look for  and what to interpret from how the airplane was responding ... having options and the flexibility to pull them out of the bag was a huge help.
Seat belts and shoulder harnesses in this actual case, but I guess from a spiritual perspective any of the restraints we impose upon ourselves for safety are things easily taken for granted when you don't think you need them, but really can come in handy when you do ... my lap belt was slack as was the shoulder harness and it took a good smack in the noggin before I cinched it up.
There is a place where rudder authority is exceeded ... it's interesting to push up against the limitations and those include the limits of one's own capabilities or cajones which ever comes first.
My stick hand was a little slick I noticed on taxi ... can't remember the last time that happened.  I have to say it (my leg of the trip) was a hoot.  I loved it.  Today my leg muscles are feeling the work out ... like I was doing some major squats yesterday ... mashing on those rudder pedals!
I think it is hard to gauge what one may be capable of ... spiritually.  I have said yes when I should have, knew to, say no.  Truth is, in life we really don't know what we're getting ready to get in to, or what point we are in too far.  And yet ... that is precisely how we acquire the experience to live well ...more fully.  Even more fully reliant on God's grace and tender care.  By that I'm not saying He cleans up the messes I make of my life, but that He works out for my betterment even those things that my higher angels would encourage me to avoid entirely.  We learn ... or at least we are offered opportunities to do so.

I'm thinking of the wind as a metaphor for the "workings" of the Spirit ... not always smooth or calm (that would get boring for all concerned).  I'm thinking of how the environment calls one to develop, adapt, calls one to alertness/attention ... points out sloppy technique or blasé attention to the basics (snugged up seatbelt) ... the limits of my control inputs/equipment ... all that.  All kinds of stuff that I can imagine in quiet reflect.

Another tiny note ...I notice I say (to myself) "I'm pissed about that" when really that hurts.  I don't like to say ... I hurt.  I am comfortable saying I'm pissed about that ... I set myself up where I can possibly get hurt and then when I get hurt I don't want to say ... ouch.  I wonder how different would it be if I just admitted to myself and possibly to others ... that hurts.  It hasn't gone well for me to say that hurts ... people I say that to reply,"no it doesn't" (like I don't know what hurts me).  I need to unlearn that ... responding to pain with anger (angry which is not expressed ... internalized anger, I'm comfortable being angry with myself I quess).  I think whacking my head yesterday may have some ramifications for me which I need to look at.  It didn't have to happen ... and it wasn't that big a deal ...  ...  just gave me an opportunity to look at an "owie" objectively (an entirely unintentional owie) ... it hurt.  Yeah, I'm thinking about something else.  Something that just hurts that I don't have to feel anything but the hurt of without complicating it with any thing else.  Sometimes life just hurts.  Could  I avoid some of that by "securing" myself?  
And other hurts ... hurts nearer and dearer ... hmmm, I'm thinking about it.  Intentional persistent little hurts ... how does one secure oneself against those pains? 
"The duel between Christianity and atheism is the most important in the world.... the struggle between individualism and collectivism is the same struggle reproduced on another level." ~ William F. Buckley, Jr.

... What I'm thinking about right now ...

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Check ride complete ... I was great fun. Except the part when I was strapped in snug in the back seat while another pilot got his ride and I smacked the top of my head on the roof so hard that it still smarts here five hours later. I am medicating with a rather stiff very dirty martini.  It was a bumpy ride ... I don't like sitting in back.
Crazy hot pink slippers up rocks though.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Several years ago I painted this water-color heart for the "coffee/donut before Sunday school" buffet table at our church ... it was our turn.  I like the verse, 1 John 4:16:

And so we know
and rely
on the love God has for us.
God is love,
whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him.

It was my intention to take some time to doodle out another water colored heart for wishing everyone Happy Valentine's Day.  But.  Suddenly, I have a check ride scheduled and an huge pile of loose ends to tidy up before the ride.  CAP has about 100 different little tests and pledges that must be properly stacked and stapled (not really but it does seem like that ...) first ... some of them have a now expired shelf life which I must correct.  I have been waiting for the ride since last May.  It's gone beyond patience to whatever.  As I searched for the word all I could do is shrug ... that's whatever isn't it?  I think I am synthesizing happiness.  That flying is the only flying that fits with the promises I have already made.  And ... it makes the possibility of future flying possibilities viable, it will keep me current and proficient.  One of my buddies who has now moved on to the airlines asked, "Isn't that organization just a bunch of old men?" It made me laugh right out loud.  The imported IP told me (over the phone) that he is/was an army rotor guy ... 40 some odd years in. I think that old guy can show me a thing or two ... and it's nice that they are making room for an old girl (hahaah).  He flat out asked me during our conversation how old I am and didn't even bother to wrap it in all the PC rigmarole. At least I understand what the old guys what to know when they talk to me!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Monday, February 11, 2013


What I got done on it today ... it's been tedious!  And ... I'm second guessing the "wild" fabric choice.  It's for the den and the colors look great with the rug ... everything else in there is very neutral.  I guess I am just a very monochromatic, neutral palette kinda girl.  So out of the box for me that I may be able to actually sell it!

Sunday, February 10, 2013

My brother just can't quite believe we do okay without a TV in the house.  He has called several times today to make certain that I am aware of the weather in my area.  Yes, I assure him, barely raining here, nope the wind is calm ... uh huh, just a bit of thunder, nothing to be alarmed about.  The dog isn't bothering about it yet.  Sammy the weather dog.  Sammy says it's a fine evening to be under the porch.  

I was awake a lot last night.  Dreams I can't remember today, they seemed so real last night.  I like that. The opportunity to "experience" something outside of "real" as we know it.  I like reading the thoughts good thinkers have expressed about dreams.  Ever since I was tiny I dreamed of flying, maybe that was inspired by all the Disney productions we saw at the drive-in movies right before we drifted off to sleep in the back of my parent's red Chevy wagon.  They'd run us through the bathtub, dress us in p.j.s and slippers and take us out for a double feature ... Uncle Walt first then John Wayne or some such.  I loved it, out under the stars with those scratchy transmitters ... sometimes my Dad would bring lawn chairs along and we sit outside near the car.  
I dreamed of flying and then I learned how to fly and the dreams stopped ... not completely, I sometimes still dream I'm flying something, but back then, I was just flying around in my body.  

My book did come on Saturday and I am itching for the house to get quiet so I can dive in to it ... have read a bit and I think it is going to be ... pivotal.

Next ... a some point during the night I looked at Alistair Begg's latest idea, in a nut shell:

Harder to be Full Then Empty
I know how to abound. ~ Philippians 4:2
There are many who know" how to be brought low" who have not learned "how to abound".  When they are set upon the top of a pinnacle their heads grow dizzy, and they are ready to fall.  The Christian disgraces his profession more often in prosperity than in adversity.

What I was thinking about after reading the devotional->
If/When something happens which lifts my soul, or unfolds my soul, something which helps me experience God's nearness ... that's the context I am thinking of "prosperity" in.  Something which enriches the soul.
Everyonceinawhile, I "feel" the slightest brush of what must be God's hand (and it feels really good ... like He really is present) and I want that.  Unfortunately, it soon feels kinda greedy, selfish, sort of I want to feel good, safe ... cherished want.  A "grasping" sort of thing, rather then a resting in sort of thing.   Last night I was thinking that those few moments when one "feels" really good are almost exactly like a dream.  Fleeting and then, surreal.  And then ... forgotten.  I'm working on "abounding" well.  I wonder how does one just go with the flow of the comfort and security, the shelter of God's felt presence.  Like this ... The children of Israel were delivered from the yolk of bondage and eventually they were in the middle of nowhere, hungry, scared, probably bone tired.  They had seen all the super cool "plague" miracles, were led by a cloud during the day and a fiery column at night (if I remember story correctly), in short, they had "experienced the presence of God" ... and then they were in that bad spot and God provided food from right out of thin air ... nourishment fell right at their feet, surrounding them.  Super cool and amazing.  They were suddenly prosperous ... and with the food came the admonition to gather up only enough for right now.  Enough for right now resonates as an exercise in trust to me.  They might have had no reason not to trust as the story unfolds, but some set about to put some back for tomorrow, presumable so they would have some just in case God didn't provide, they set about to provide for themselves when specifically instructed not to.  It's ironic that they had plenty by the hand of God but couldn't bring themselves to "trust" in the steadiness of that hand and the "heart" beyond it.   Something intended as good became bad for them.  Their actions messed up the "prosperity".
I can see a lot of the rational that would drive me to gather more then enough, I mean who knows how much one might truly need?  And ... maybe I misunderstood the directions in the first place ... and ... .  I think this prosperity lesson is for me about not trying to do things for myself to make myself "feel" how I like to feel.  It is something like knowing that the Unseen is near even when I cannot see him.  It's a little bit about trust in the sense that trust supports the peacefulness of believing God is who he says he is.  It's not so easy when all one's senses clamor for a continuing state of prosperity.  The thing I am trying to express falls away when we try to pull it tightly around ourselves.  
Like a dream ... I remember that I felt a way I liked to feel.  I have the memory of a time but, I am unable to reproduce the feeling.  I know that doesn't make sense, but I'm going to leave it like that while I think about it some more.  Let's see ... hmmm ... somebody brought to me a gift and I loved what they brought to me.   Their presence was part of what the gift was ... or was I mistaken about that?  Now the gift is opened and uh, it's a raincoat, I wear it all the time and I love it, it keeps me warm and snug.  But ... and ... I liked when the raincoat was delivered ... the someone smiled when I opened the gift and held it while I slid in to it, and lifted my hair as I drew the rain coat near ... I turned around to say thank you and we hugged.  That's it ... the rain coat is "the prosperity" (some folks have only a towel, some have not even an umbrella or a roll of Bounty) but I miss the smile and the hug which accompanied the gift..  I have the raincoat but I am bereft of the gift-giver, of the shared smiled, of the warmth of the embrace.  The memory of receiving the gift is like a dream, I close my eyes and see it happening, but I can't "feel" it.  Hmmm, full and empty at the same time.  I think I needed the raincoat for the journey.
Prosperity ...  successful, flourishing, or thriving condition (especially financial, but not especially here in this context).

Thursday, February 7, 2013

To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven. 
~ Ecclesiastes 3:1

 Same place two steps forward ... totally different light to see in ... just like life.  Yesterday I read that the Portuguese explorers, well, here: As the early Portuguese explorers knew, "It is important to travel. It is not important to arrive."  I will hold that thought ... travel, I can do ... keep on moving forward to what I do not know ... I can do that.  Now some interesting mail has pinged in and I want to look at the link provided.  I already know it's gonna be something I need for the journey today.

Today ... little road trip for me ...Husband has meeting this evening 4.5 hour drive North of here.  Forecast to rain all day, chilly ... He wont be finished until probably pretty late.  I'll keep him company on the drive.  Also plan to stop at a really neat fabric store for my latest project (and maybe a new curtain in the bathroom, I'm kinda itching to paint that room something bold, something that pops.  New curtain fabric would help me chose a color.  Yesterday I cleaned that bathroom from ceiling to floor and noticed that the sheers gathered tight in the window frame just seem to encourage little powdery black mold.  I think something entirely different would be better in there.
Disappointed that I most likely didn't get the job. H, who knows things, says they are probably ironing out details with the successful candidate and can't let us losers know til it's a done deal.  (She said it a lot nicer then that).  Looking back on it I can see that I could have interviewed better, ah hindsight ... where all the answers are polished and well seasoned with a light touch of humor.  Oh well  (sigh).  Back to looking for possibilities. I'll get better at interviewing.  My book still isn't here (but I smell fabulous) ... tempted to make a quick run over to the library for something to read just in case they don't have wifi up there.

Dinner last night ... bacon swiss burger patty:  

  • 1/2 # ground pork
  • 1/2 # ground lean beef
  • 1/4 cup coarsely grated swiss cheese
  • 2TSP finely chopped red onion
  • garlic, salt and pepper to taste
  • 2 slices thick cut bacon
combine, shape, dress with 1/2 strip of thick bacon ... place bacon side up in hot dry skillet, flip to brown both sides and cook through.  Delicious, I severed it with BBQ sauce.

L, my husband, shocked me and made me laugh this morning when I told him ... yes, it is raining, like real rain, and is supposed to all day long ... he begin to sing; It's a miserable day in the neighborhood, a miserable day for a neighbor ... won't you be ... too funny bc he sings pretty much only at church and when the kid's birthday cakes come in to the room with candles blazing.  I didn't even know he knew that Mr. Roger's song ... just full of surprises.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

What blew in today ...

~ Kathy Thaden

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” 
~ Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum LP 

We should then see that all the broken images, formerly only fleetingly perceived, were actually but fragments of these true and steady forms, now clearly and steadily beheld.
Joseph Campbell, Oriental Mythology, The Masks of God

"For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known." ~ I Corinthians 13:12

“It is good to love many things, 
for therein lies the true strength, 
and whosoever loves much performs much, 
and can accomplish much, 
and what is done in love is well done.”  

~Vincent van Gogh