The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Guess what!?!

I have enough shampoo to wait a while longer!
Yeah - I'm pretty excited about this. I used to hop on an airplane at the end of the summer (tending to my five children) and go somewhere to rest. My somewhere was to the home of my oldest bestest friend. I don't want to get distracted here by airplane stuff but - Love in the Air - love that slogan ... B'ham to Harlingen via NO or Houston...seriously, you can't beat it! I'm a huge fan of SWAirlines. Well - I used to do that when my children were younger (and fewer). Then I started thinking how 'bout just a spa day to look forward to. I like going to a spa by myself. Alone is perfectly okay, blissfully okay, for a day. Then my buddygirl, H, had an idea to go spend the day together...we haven't been able to work that out. Then (she's a genius) she found an Aveda (my favorite stuff) school (--$$$!!!)that sees clients for superduper cheap. She checked it out. She picked up the menu. We've put our heads together. Planning bliss is a lot of fun. Everything was set for this Friday and during the time I've been typing she has txted me - bummer - the services we selected will take too long to fit our window this Friday. Now we're rethinking our date. It's okay - my feet are willing to wait! The one hour revitalizing facial...the hot oil stress relieving scalp massage... . I'm gonna be thinking about it!

Monday, February 22, 2010

nightnight sun - hasta en la manana - maybe

pretty in pink

I just liked this - looked like the hem had been stepped on and was dipping out of this layer of Mother natures stormey dress

system building in the West

The TCUs marched through here last night. I sat up with a smile on my face remembering the lightning flashing in our three o'clock late yesterday afternoon. The big boys were stopping for the fuel they would need to negotiate safe passage with the weather. The frequencies were crowded as they made their adjustments. We started experiencing a bit of turbulence as we approached Jackson Tennessee - our destination for a drop off and quick turn - we wanted to get back home ahead of the red. We did.
Visibility is low today - in the soup. Ground school canceled as instructor is busy with firefighting - I am deciding how to use this windfall of time. Something useful...something worthy...something that moves the ball...hmmm

photo taken yesterday as we hightailed it home ahead of this weather

1358Z 15003 2 200bkn 2100ovc 12/9 2979 Local information for this morning

Friday, February 19, 2010

Reminded of some Poems I've loved

This morning as I finish back reading what is certainly my favorite Blog I was reminded of a favorite poem - by a comment attached to a resonate post - this blog is both beautifully written/illustrated and has an interesting/provocative following of commenters. Good stuff.
I had the good fortune to sit in a class entitled "Great American Poets" while in college. The text book for that class is - it makes me smile - the pages have come loose from the binding - untidy - unlike me exactly like me - Here is the remembered poem and it's contrail...

Once Only ~Gary Snyder

almost at the equator
almost at the equinox
exactly at midnight
from a ship
the full


in the center of the sky.


Riprap ~Gary Snyder
Lay down these words
Before your mind like rocks.
placed solid, by hands
In choice of place, set
Before the body of the mind
in space and time:
Solidity of bark, leaf, or wall
riprap of things:
Cobble of milky way,
straying planets,
These poems, people,
lost ponies with
Dragging saddles--
and rocky sure-foot trails.
The worlds like an endless
Game of Go.
ants and pebbles
In the thin loam, each rock a word
a creek-washed stone
Granite: ingrained
with torment of fire and weight
Crystal and sediment linked hot
all change, in thoughts,
As well as things.

Mending Wall ~Robert Frost

Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That sends the frozen-ground-swell under it,
And spills the upper boulders in the sun,
And makes gaps even two can pass abreast.
The work of hunters is another thing:
I have come after them and made repair
Where they have left not one stone on a stone,
But they would have the rabbit out of hiding,
To please the yelping dogs. The gaps I mean,
No one has seen them made or heard them made,
But at spring mending-time we find them there.
I let my neighbor know beyond the hill;
And on a day we meet to walk the line
And set the wall between us once again.
We keep the wall between us as we go.
To each the boulders that have fallen to each.
And some are loaves and some so nearly balls
We have to use a spell to make them balance:
'Stay where you are until our backs are turned!'
We wear our fingers rough with handling them.
Oh, just another kind of out-door game,
One on a side. It comes to little more:
There where it is we do not need the wall:
He is all pine and I am apple orchard.
My apple trees will never get across
And eat the cones under his pines, I tell him.
He only says, 'Good fences make good neighbors'.
Spring is the mischief in me, and I wonder
If I could put a notion in his head:
'Why do they make good neighbors? Isn't it
Where there are cows?
But here there are no cows.
Before I built a wall I'd ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out,
And to whom I was like to give offence.
Something there is that doesn't love a wall,
That wants it down.' I could say 'Elves' to him,
But it's not elves exactly, and I'd rather
He said it for himself. I see him there
Bringing a stone grasped firmly by the top
In each hand, like an old-stone savage armed.
He moves in darkness as it seems to me~
Not of woods only and the shade of trees.
He will not go behind his father's saying,
And he likes having thought of it so well
He says again, "Good fences make good neighbors."

i carry your heart with me ~ E. E. Cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Nothing Gold Can Stay ~Robert Frost
Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

I know why the caged bird sings ~Maya Angelou

A free bird leaps on the back
Of the wind and floats downstream
Till the current ends and dips his wing
In the orange suns rays
And dares to claim the sky.

But a BIRD that stalks down his narrow cage
Can seldom see through his bars of rage
His wings are clipped and his feet are tied
So he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with a fearful trill
Of things unknown but longed for still
And his tune is heard on the distant hill for
The caged bird sings of freedom.

The free bird thinks of another breeze
And the trade winds soft through
The sighing trees
And the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright
Lawn and he names the sky his own.

But a caged BIRD stands on the grave of dreams
His shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
His wings are clipped and his feet are tied
So he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings with
A fearful trill of things unknown
But longed for still and his
Tune is heard on the distant hill
For the caged bird sings of freedom.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

A Rough Day

As I have said before, raising children is not for the faint of heart. It is surprisingly stressful. Without going in to all the stickiness of the multiple relationships pushingpullinglovingsolidifing under one roof - suffice it to say - there's a lot going on in this mixing bowl that we call home. My very close friend H called yesterday. We always have the best time together. Lots of days we are thinking about the same stuff. She has a precious little handful of her own. She asked about my number one and two (adult) children. I said somewhat forlornly, "You know H, it's rough. They are not turning out to be the cakes I thought I was baking...". She just laughed. And laughed. And then she said, "Wait a minute, I thought you said they were baking you!"

I did say something like that a few months ago. Don't you just hate it when your friends actually listen and remember what you said? Don't you just love it when your friends call you back to who you are when you really really need someone to?

Several months ago I was in Georgia and I bought one of those big zillion dollar pot lottery tickets. I thought, Now that's what I'm talkin' about! A zillion dollar windfall would be a real blessing! Then I thought, wonder what God has to say about what a blessing really is. And I remembered that one of the sources (of blessings) cited is found in our relationships. From there I thought about my husband of thirty years, the father of my five children, my life partner. He pisses me off kinda frequently. I moved on to thinking about my children. My husband, who also makes me laugh pretty often says, "Raising children is like herding cats." He is a man who likes dogs. Then I though of our church "family"...each of whom on any given day may be acting like a real stinker. From there my circle of relationships widened out all the way to causal/superficial. Wow, I thought, my "blessings" are wearing me out! They are wearing the ME out of me...because I cannot be who I am right this minute and be very good at this relationship thing. Does that make sense? I told H that day several months ago. I said something like, "all these years of child raising (24 now) I thought I was raising them ... I thought I was getting them ready to be all that they could be." That day with my lottery ticket in hand I realised that in fact they are raising me ... they are providing the opportunities for God to shape me into the person that He thinks of when He thinks of me.

The relationships that are important to me are the only ones that I won't walk away from when the going gets rough. Rough is the main thing that will cause me to be a little bit different from how I am right now. Rough is the main thing that will shape me. That is not precisely true. I know there is gentle polishing taking place but I am talking about the larger adjustment of removing "self-full-ness". Sometimes it's crazy hard to work things out in relationships that are difficult or hit rough spots (sometimes my rough spots, some times theirs). I'm committed to my children and my husband. I'm pretty commited to some other relationships. I think love commits you. I think I could love more people. I've been learning this past year that we are called to trust God and learn to walk in love. That love is something about how He allows us to participate in what He is doing I think. THat love is part of what He thinks of as blessing. I don't have it all worked out in my mind, but I think I'm on the right track here.

H said, "Wait a minute, I thought you said they were baking you!" Yeah, that's what she said. Thanks H. Thanks for reminding me. Thanks for being a really good friend.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

It's hard to know what is right when you are trying to think with both your brain and your heart. To care wholeheartedly with out rushing in where angels fear to tread.

In flying well constant tiny corrections must be made - either by the pilot or the auto pilot. According to the Fundamentals of Instruction beginning pilots are un able to process and apply the importance of trim devices. Their straight and level is up and down - like a wave. They tend to over correct and it just makes things less lovely. It's probably true that as pilots become accustomed to different airplane that they over or under do as they get the feel for the airplane...that's been my experience and it seems intuitively true. The trim is a little different - it's the fine fine tuning that takes the control pressures off the yoke and allows for some pretty smooth flying. So for S/L you would set your pitch, set your power, and then trim it up...same thing for any pitch/power settings... . In turning flight a begining student thinks it's all about "turning" the yoke to roll the airplane - later those turns get coordinated with the appropriate uses of rudder.
My brain is what I count on for the big movements - the yoke. My heart may be the rudder coordinating the course changes or corrections. Those trim tabs are so tiny, yet so helpful, so necessary for really velvety smooth piloting. Maybe that is that soft voice of the Spirit gently assisting us...sometimes it's pretty hard to hear.

Jesus talked about a yoke - in a different context. He said, Matthew 11:29 (New International Version)
29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.

I'm thinking about this today.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

... let love and grace be close at hand. I like thinking about the law of love. chance, cause and effect, and love...I'm not convinced about chance, I'll have to think about that and look at Ecc.9:11 again

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The way to love someone is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul until you find a crack, and then gently pour your love into that crack ~ Keith Miller

This is the most important thing I have seen or read today - this is what I am thinking about.

I am "backreading" a blog that is super amusing ... and then I started looking at some comments there ... and then I decided to jump in to the rabbits hole and I came out in a blog written by an Australian ... and I found this quote there and some other sweetness. I am grateful that God smiles on serendipitous meanderings.
"You understand how to be a slave, but you know nothing of freedom...If you had tasted it you would counsel us to fight for it not only with spears but with axes" ~Herodotus

Friday, February 5, 2010

Ecclesiastes12:13 Fear...

Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.

Definition: 1) to fear, revere, be afraid
1a) (Qal)
1a1) to fear, be afraid
1a2) to stand in awe of, be awed
1a3) to fear, reverence, honour, respect
1b) (Niphal)
1b1) to be fearful, be dreadful, be feared
1b2) to cause astonishment and awe, be held in awe
1b3) to inspire reverence or godly fear or awe
1c) (Piel) to make afraid, terrify
2) (TWOT) to shoot, pour
a primitive root; to fear; morally, to revere; caus. to
frighten:-affright, be (make) afraid, dread(-ful), (put in)
fear(-ful, -fully, -ing), (be had in) reverence(-end), X see,
terrible (act, -ness, thing).


We learn wisdom from failure
much more than from success.
We often discover what will do
by finding out what will not do.
And probably he who never made a mistake
never made a discovery.
~ Samuel Smiles ~

I am thinking about this idea tonight. I am thinking about my own life. I like to accomplish goals - I like to feel successful. Even when all I am doing is cleaning house I like to make a general list of what I want to accomplish and I like to set a realistic time expectation up for how long each task group will take to finish and then I like to try to beat the time...while doing the best possible job of it. Some of the readers of this have no idea how tedious it is to do homemaking ... . I have spent a lot of time alone...well kinda alone...I have five children ranging in age from 24 to 9... . I've spent a lot of time being present with my children and I hope to have a lot more time with each of them. But there is an alonness that we all experience I think. In that silence I like to challenge myself. I have learned over the years to say "uh uh" to the stuff that I can't or won't commit to. I'm not saying that I won't do things that I'm not good at - because I am willing to work at things. I like working towards things that are worth an effort. There are some things in my life that I have put my whole self towards ... and I have come away feeling bad - unable - "Short". There are things that I have had to say - I can not do that...and part of I can not do that feels like failure. That is a sad feeling for me. Recently I came to the realization - I believe - that each of us will stand before God and give an account of that I mean we don't get to hide behind excuses or rationalizations...we are unwrapped from our ego/pride.. I'm pretty sure I won't get to say, my husband insisted on this or that, or I chose that behavior because of what someone "did" to me, or I wasn't really quite myself that day...
Our true self worth can only come from fulfilling our role. The role that Solomon describes: honor, respect God, and do what He wants.
That is a pretty simple idea. I like it. Straight forward - clean.
Recently I have discovered that respect is a word not easily defined or understood. I can think of people who I have respect for...I can think of facets of lives that I have respect for...I actually try to be respectful towards almost everyone (yeah...I remember the mom who was parked in my lane the other day ...when I wasn't really quite myself...yeah, I'm working on that me). I have been disrespectful too. I have wished to take back ... to unhammer the nails from the fence I have also been on the other side of that fence ... the side where I was hurt by some one elses disrespect. I have had opportunities to discover what won't do and what will do from either side.
I am surprised at how difficult it is to just show up and stand where God tells me to - and keep my mouth shut and my idea about it all to be respectful that He knows what He's doing. I mean - I know He does, but .... Or sometimes I think God is asking me to do something that I really just don't want to do. I don't like what it costs me... . I bet I would gladly pay if I could see what He was doing ... if I could trust what He is doing may be more like it! I am so grateful that God is patient in His working of my clay...I am pretty lumpy. "I'm with lumpy..." ha I have thought of the scars that tattoo our souls - now I am thinking of the t shirt that my soul doesn't want to wear.

Re-examine all you have been told.
Dismiss what insults your Soul.
~ Walt Whitman

"There's enough poison in that drink to kill an army platoon. Good thing I'm a marine."~ chuck/tv

One of my sons gave me this quote - He knows that I am interested in the idea expressed by an enduring quote. I don't know how enduring "Chuck" may be, but I do know that I like the idea expressed here - as my son knew I would.
A quick aside at this juncture - I really like that my kids know me and "get" me ... and most days actually like me. I was visiting with my friend who has known me longer than any one other than my brother - she, I would say, knows me better than anyone simply because she knew the kid I used to be all the way through to the person I am now. She has witnessed my life and knows where all the "stuff" is and how it got there. We were laughing together about her son's comment about something horrible her mom had recently done...he said, of course she did - that is exactly who/how she is. I think the reality of it is that she and I could each accurately predict our own mothers behavior - we just chose not to. We both want to believe that at any moment a person may suddenly became a lot "better" version of themselves. My friend and I are both that kind of person who wants to believe that people will do right when they know what "right" is. I think a lot of nice women my age think like that - the luxury of naivety. Fortunately, our children are not as naive...they tend to believe that people will do what is in their own best interest while taking in to account the possible risks ... they put the money in the parking meter not because it is "right" but because they don't want to take the chance on the $20.00 fine - the police in our area are very vigilant.
One of the things I enjoy learning about people is their "life perspective". We're all pretty different.

Socrates (469 BC – 399 BC) was one of the first Greek philosophers to encourage both scholars and the common citizen to turn their attention from the outside world to the condition of man. In this view, Knowledge having a bearing on human life was placed highest, all other knowledge being secondary. Self-knowledge was considered necessary for success and inherently an essential good. A self-aware person will act completely within their capabilities to their pinnacle, while an ignorant person will flounder and encounter difficulty. To Socrates, a person must become aware of every fact (and its context) relevant to his existence, if he wishes to attain self-knowledge. He posited that people will naturally do what is good, if they know what is right. Evil or bad actions, are the result of ignorance. If a criminal were truly aware of the mental and spiritual consequences of his actions, he would neither commit nor even consider committing those actions. Any person who knows what is truly right will automatically do it, according to Socrates. While he correlated knowledge with virtue, he similarly equated virtue with happiness. The truly wise man will know what is right, do what is good, and therefore be happy.[1]
~Wikipedia. I first started thinking about it because of Ms. Harwell.

"There's enough poison in that drink to kill an army platoon. Good thing I'm a marine."~ chuck/tv - let's get back to that. The really useful thing about being able to "suspend" the reality that people (including oneself) are not really that nice is that occasionally you are able to be nice, or do something nice. We are able to drink a lot of poison. Ha... we are able to process it...usually. It's good to have a friend who has a similiar perspective. I can see how well she handles the poison in her life. I admire her ability to just keep on moving forward. I honestly think she is a blessing in my life. Good thing she's a marine too.

Monday, February 1, 2010

more quotes that I like

Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful;
for beauty is God's handwriting ~ a wayside sacrament.
Welcome it in every fair face, in every fair sky, in every fair flower,
and thank God for it as a cup of blessing.~Ralh Waldo Emerson

Doubt is a pain
too lonely to know
that faith is his twin brother.
~ Kahlil Gibran ~

A loving person lives in a loving world,
A hostile person lives in a hostile world,
Everyone you meet is your mirror.
~ Ken Keyes, Jr (from 'Handbook of Higher Consciousness') ~

Forgiveness is not a moral issue.
It is an energy dynamic...
Forgiveness means that you do not carry the baggage of an experience.
When you choose not to forgive,
the experience that you do not forgive sticks with you.
When you choose not to forgive,
it is like agreeing to wear dark, gruesome sunglasses that distort everything,
and it is you who are forced every day
to look at life through those contaminated lenses
because you have chosen to keep them.
~ Gary Zukav from 'The Seat Of The Soul ~

‘If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light.
Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness,
selfishness, and fears.’
~ Glenn Clark, Author ~

When you are offended at any man's fault,
turn to yourself and study your own failings.
Then you will forget your anger.
~ Epictetus ~

The act of forgiveness is the act of returning to present time.
And that's why when one has become a forgiving person,
and has managed to let go of the past,
what they've really done is they've shifted their relationship with time.
~ Caroline Myss ~

Unforgiveness is the poison you drink every day
hoping that the other person will die.
~ Debbie Ford

He who is devoid of the power to forgive
is devoid of the power to love.
~ Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968) ~

And in the end,
it's not the years in your life that count,
it's the life in your years.
~ Abraham Lincoln ~

Life can only be understood backwards,
but can only be lived forwards.
~ Author Unknown ~

This life is a test.
It is only a test.
Had it been an actual life,
you would have received further instructions
on where to go and what to do.
~ Author Unknown ~

We learn wisdom from failure
much more than from success.
We often discover what will do
by finding out what will not do.
And probably he who never made a mistake
never made a discovery.
~ Samuel Smiles ~

Re-examine all you have been told.
Dismiss what insults your Soul.
~ Walt Whitman

Unless you start doing something different,
you are in for more of the same.
~ Author Unknown ~

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards.
They try to have more things, or more money,
in order to do more of what they want so they will be happier.
The way it actually works is the reverse.
You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do,
in order to have what you want.
~ Margaret Young ~

It is good to have an end to journey towards,
but it is the journey that matters, in the end.
~ Ursula K LeGuin, novelilst ~

Say what you mean and act how you feel,
because those who matter don't mind,
and those who mind don't matter.
~ Dr Seuss ~

An intention is a quality of consciousness that you bring to an action.
~ Gary Zukav - from "Seat Of The Soul" ~

Life is either a daring adventure
or nothing.~ Helen Keller ~

Cut not the wings of your dreams,
for they are the heartbeat and the freedom of your soul. ~ Flavia ~

"There's enough poison in that drink to kill an army platoon. Good thing I'm a marine."~ chuck/tv