The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Sunday, August 24, 2014

with yesterday stuff

Not every crossing point has a gate.
Some roads lead to less safe intersections then others
(but you might have no way of knowing that the first time around).
Sometimes stopping is the only sensible choice.

ummm ... it's not exactly that I'm not thinking ... I am thinking.  Not a huge fan of Mr. Chopra, but he does express with the following quote more what I was attempting to say with my panning thing, engaged yet detached ... caring and not caring ... it is a bit like flow.

Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. ~Steve Jobs

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.
~ Albert Einstein

Fear stifles our thinking and actions. It creates indecisiveness that results in stagnation.

have known talented people who procrastinate indefinitely rather than risk failure. 
Lost opportunities cause erosion of confidence, and the downward spiral begins. 

Charles Stanley

Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking.
~ Albert Einstein

If you're studying for an exam you're not thinking about the results. If you're always worried about the results, you can't study a lot. So to be engaged and detached from the outcome is excellent. Excellence is behavior. I mean, isn't that what martial arts is about? And that's what meditation is about, that's what, in many ways, sports are about. ~ Deepak Chopra

If everyone is thinking alike, 
then somebody isn't 
George S. Patton

Pride is an independent, me-oriented spirit. It makes people arrogant, rude and hard to get along with. When our heart is prideful, we don't give God the credit and we mistreat people, looking down on them and thinking we deserve what we have.
~Joyce Meyer

Faith is an oasis in the heart which will never be reached by the caravan of thinking. Khalil Gibran. 

Part of every misery is, so to speak, the misery's shadow or reflection: 
the fact that you don't merely suffer but have to keep on thinking about the fact that you suffer. 
I not only live each endless day in grief, but live each day thinking about living each day in grief. 

Some of the boxcars along my train of thought
are scribble scrabbled on.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

August catch up post

The photo, it's of water, rain water that is spilling off the stadium at  ... where I walk to most frequently.  The water is drawn up in to clouds and at some saturation point it spills out in droplets, liquid, frozen, big small ... and in this particular place it finds "its" winding way back to earth.  Is that a metaphor for life? I'm thinking yes.  Yes ... we are but dust, and most certainly every one will agree to dust we return.  Do we scale the heights ... do we traverse seemingly circuitous paths it all about flow ... ?  I started this year full of joyous expectations.  And ... there are months yet left on my particular calendar (yeah, maybe ... because in fact, tomorrow is rife with unknowns).

Gosh it has been a hard year for me.  Yes, I am always cognizant that I'm not huddled in a tent in some dusty hell hole ... it's really kind great here in my home.  My eyes like it.  My body finds it comfortable and comforting.  I have that incredibly soft blanket that seemed to hug me once, a long time ago now, but I smile to recall it still.  Wasn't there some show when when we were young that featured a character who could wrap up inside their blanket, or a cape, and become invisible ... disappear?  Maybe I didn't see that on TV or at the drive-in picture show, that idea probably wasn't expressed in the Dick and Jane Readers.  Maybe little me adapted that all by herself.  I probably had developed the technique of checking out ... my soul, or psyche ... way before I realized that doing so may be sorta weird, or maybe even unhealthy, idk.  I know I can "be" somewhere else, even as I choose to be right here almost all the time.  Lately I have needed a break.  But, it's not break time, so I'm doing something that may be productive even as it provides a "place" to check out.

One of the type experiences that I like, or find "soothing" is to mindlessly search for something.  Something like sand dollars which are fairly easy to find at "my" beach (Port A).  Hunkering down in the salt water is the best.  I love to feel the hot air being rinsed away by continuously undulating waves. I like the mostly consistent sensory input which cocoons the industry.  I like to anticipate the find even as I speculate on what may be found ... it's an almost mindless quest (and, I already have plenty of sand dollars).  Or this, maybe an even better manifestation of the idea I'm trying to express; panning for gold.  We have done it a couple of times in Dahlonega, Georgia.  Basically, you put a bit of mud and water from the stream in your pan and you swirl it around spilling off all but the heaviest sediment, it's rhythmic and requires just a smidge of technique which is easily acquired with the tiniest bit of exposure ... not much to it.  One might hope to find little (or if you're extremely optimistic, bigger then little) flecks (nuggets?) of gold.  My family has been easily bored by the process, it's not much of an adventure, and the actual payoffs have been  negligible.  I like it though.  I like it because, like digging for sand dollars, it's an activity which encourages  a bit of focus while asking for almost nothing else.  Very little mental or physical exertion is required, and the pleasure is in the doing rather than the tangible results.

I am doing something like that now.

A couple of weeks ago, out of the blue, I was offered a job.  I was in the waiting room at the doctor's office and struck up a conversation with another waiting patient, well actually several, anyway, "visiting time" resulted in a tap on the shoulder, a very nice looking business card, and an invitation to a job interview.  After asking around a bit (and assuring myself that this wasn't about my fabulous legs) I called and set up an appointment.  It was really the neatest coincidence because my husband had recently encouraged me to "get a job" while previously it has seemed like I was most needed in the role of home-maker/handyman with a dabble of flight instructing on the side.  The kids are pretty much grown up.  My primary job has become obsolete. Here I am yesterday, dressed, hair and makeup, the whole schmo and ready to go.  I am doing "outside sales".  It's a lot like what I started doing when I was fresh out of college a lifetime ago.  I rocked it back then, and for the most part I loved it.  It was a perfect occupation for my personality type ... and it paid well.  Maybe this job will too.  That is yet to be seen.  What I can see, what all those streaks of grey hair help me see, is this is just like panning for little flecks of something possibly more significant then gold.  And ... I can easily do that without even thinking.  Not thinking is practically a requirement.  And ... I really don't want to think, I want to check out for awhile.  Isn't it cool that I can do that in really cute shoes?

So ... that's what I'm doing.  I told my buddy H that I really don't think God cares one little bit about people buying what my company is selling, but I do think He cares about people sharing their lives with other people, about relationships, even tiny, seemingly insignificant relationships. I'll (briefly) see a ton of people who I wouldn't see.  And life has taught me that a stranger's smile can be quite significant, that the lightest, most fleeting interactions can be very meaningful.  I can do that without thinking.

Btw, my brother is doing even better than any of his team could possibly have hoped for.  He is totally off the charts.  He has completed 9 of the 12 chemo sessions in his treatment plan, and is basically thriving.  That's definitely something to smile about.


Monday, August 4, 2014

Texas trip July/August 2014


My girl has shin splints from all the jumping up and down
First stop in Texas ... the camp where IV has been working this summer.  Great to see her, her situation, and help her get things organized for classes and her apartment.  I needed a hug too.  We also clicked off the BBQ joint in Tyler (enjoyed).
Next down to Waxahachie (ruled out as a location for the move home) we picked up a purchase which was boxed up for us from our last visit there.
A putter for the mother
We spent a couple of days in the DFW area, just north of the airport.  L's mother is quite elderly but still enjoys seeing her son.  I loved that she was able to rock sinking golf balls.  

You never know what's behind the door in Waco

Spent another night in Waco with our kids there.  They have finished their time there and are making plans to move so Waco stops may be curtailed in the future.

crops ... cactus and cattle ... Texas

All that corn growing in Texas in the Spring has given way to Maize crops ... I saw plenty of cotton as well.
ImPeach stand in the Hills
Obama, not so much in Texas

we liked a house in this neighborhood ... Sammy might like it too

After Waco we drove on to the Hill Country ... I especially like New Braunfels and Gruene. Next we drove on to San Antonio ... it was hot there.  We spent a little bit of time on the River Walk (lunch) and walked down to the market where I was so happy to find the vanilla I prefer to cook with.

San Antonio was my first favorite town back in the 70's
From there we drove down to Port A to spend some time with Tommy and his wife.
South Texas

We parked there, beside Tommy and B

fire on the water (okay, the edge)

this is a state highway ... Public beaches $12 to park for the year
pays for daily grading

hot and tired

Next day ... ferry over to Rock Port then we followed the coast line as closely as able up to Galveston.
$2 toll and Galveston as I'd not seen it.
pleasure pier at night

boat the size of a building


fly fishing

Then we headed home.
over the Mississippi at Baton Rouge
thinking about One's very complicated joke

last coffee stop in Slidell
coffee; )

My brother looked well.  I really needed to see him and it was a enormous relief to find him continuing towards better health.
We also felt that the New Braunfels area seemed like a good fit for us as we consider moving back to Texas.  Galveston is on our list for further consideration for a possible investment property. (And ... wow, those cruise ships are huge!  I have never seen anything so big!)  I did like the lot I've been following at Port A tho ... it's as good as it looked on line.