Gosh it has been a hard year for me. Yes, I am always cognizant that I'm not huddled in a tent in some dusty hell hole ... it's really kind great here in my home. My eyes like it. My body finds it comfortable and comforting. I have that incredibly soft blanket that seemed to hug me once, a long time ago now, but I smile to recall it still. Wasn't there some show when when we were young that featured a character who could wrap up inside their blanket, or a cape, and become invisible ... disappear? Maybe I didn't see that on TV or at the drive-in picture show, that idea probably wasn't expressed in the Dick and Jane Readers. Maybe little me adapted that all by herself. I probably had developed the technique of checking out ... my soul, or psyche ... way before I realized that doing so may be sorta weird, or maybe even unhealthy, idk. I know I can "be" somewhere else, even as I choose to be right here almost all the time. Lately I have needed a break. But, it's not break time, so I'm doing something that may be productive even as it provides a "place" to check out.
One of the type experiences that I like, or find "soothing" is to mindlessly search for something. Something like sand dollars which are fairly easy to find at "my" beach (Port A). Hunkering down in the salt water is the best. I love to feel the hot air being rinsed away by continuously undulating waves. I like the mostly consistent sensory input which cocoons the industry. I like to anticipate the find even as I speculate on what may be found ... it's an almost mindless quest (and, I already have plenty of sand dollars). Or this, maybe an even better manifestation of the idea I'm trying to express; panning for gold. We have done it a couple of times in Dahlonega, Georgia. Basically, you put a bit of mud and water from the stream in your pan and you swirl it around spilling off all but the heaviest sediment, it's rhythmic and requires just a smidge of technique which is easily acquired with the tiniest bit of exposure ... not much to it. One might hope to find little (or if you're extremely optimistic, bigger then little) flecks (nuggets?) of gold. My family has been easily bored by the process, it's not much of an adventure, and the actual payoffs have been negligible. I like it though. I like it because, like digging for sand dollars, it's an activity which encourages a bit of focus while asking for almost nothing else. Very little mental or physical exertion is required, and the pleasure is in the doing rather than the tangible results.
I am doing something like that now.
So ... that's what I'm doing. I told my buddy H that I really don't think God cares one little bit about people buying what my company is selling, but I do think He cares about people sharing their lives with other people, about relationships, even tiny, seemingly insignificant relationships. I'll (briefly) see a ton of people who I wouldn't see. And life has taught me that a stranger's smile can be quite significant, that the lightest, most fleeting interactions can be very meaningful. I can do that without thinking.
Btw, my brother is doing even better than any of his team could possibly have hoped for. He is totally off the charts. He has completed 9 of the 12 chemo sessions in his treatment plan, and is basically thriving. That's definitely something to smile about.