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B, Tommy and me ~ Oct.'14

"Congratulations, you did it! You successfully navigated the FAA online world to renew your Flight Instructor Certificate. Our ACR has reviewed your application and found everything correct. Just a few more steps and you will be done with your renewal." ~ FIRC guys

Funny comment from FIRC guys ...  i wonder why things can't be easier ... I feel as though a little "easier" would be greatly appreciated about now!  Ummm ... FAA doesn't play well, doesn't play at all, with the Mac Operating systems.  I use only  Apple.  Those stinkers!  
Lately ... I feel exhausted.  Like tireder then ever, like borderline "give-up" tired.  It feels strange.  I can't remember feeling this tired ever before.

Waa-waa.  I don't like whining very much at all!  Anyway ... FIRC complete and husband is helping immensely by providing "what ever" that other operating system is.  I think I have completed all the requirements for the "fresh' certificate.  And ... I'm invited to fly a charter next week which I am considering.  My new job is a thirty hour a week commitment, but ... that's minimum and I've never been a minimum effort type person.  It's a quandary. 

Today's highlight ... 

"In a great green room there was a telephone and a red balloon." 

~ Margaret Wise Brown

quote revisited over on Mr. Van der Leun's page and I loved seeing it.  And I loved seeing it because it reminded me of how much I enjoyed reading GOODNIGHT MOON to each of my five children ... and in thinking of that I felt joy.  

Joy ... is good.   Mostly, I just feel tired though.

bright early Fall morning

Who will tell whether one happy moment of love 

or the joy of breathing or walking on a bright morning and smelling the fresh air, 

is not worth all the suffering and effort which life implies. 

~ Erich Fromm

noted Saturday ... back home now

This week has come almost to it's end, we travel back to my normal life tomorrow.  It's interesting to "work" with all that comes with loving, tending (careful not to over tend) the people in your life, your very people, when they are sick.  I guess it's right to say that's what I've been doing this year.

With my brother, to respect his privacy, I don't write much about him.  And, in (not) doing so, I've become quiet about where my thoughts go because a lot of what I am sensitive to of late is so because of his illness ... is cancer an illness?  Illness sounds almost too benign.  When someone you love is desperately ill everything is filtered differently.  I think my "job' is to make what I can, as pleasant as possible for him.  I hope he lives for many years to come and because he is him and God is God he may.  That's part of what you learn.  You learn that you just don't know.  You learn that you can't see very far.  You learn that life is lived in this moment and that moments are meaningful and might therefore be savored.  It seems that I am learning that.  I notice a new found inclination to try to relax just a bit more then I thought I wanted to and to let things happen, because things do happen no matter what strengths (and weaknesses perhaps perceived to be strenghts) one might bring to bear.  To bare ... one must adapt. 

Sometimes I ... well, I love really good chocolate ... sometimes I open a bar and I just scarf it down too fast, much too fast.  I don't taste it as I might.  Other times, I go slow, like it may last for several days.  That's one of the important things I've been learning with everything that is me ... I want to run ahead. I somehow glorify the tendency to race through, to take the initiative.
I value that and of course it is a strong, valuable trait to an extent, but like racing through a chocolate bar, it may be just silly if not worse.  I am trying to really enjoy things and to do so takes attention. In life ... I want to allow time for "wooing".  I want to relax and see how it goes with less of my input. I want to give things time to develop and I want to take time to enjoy the process of life rather then devouring it without honoring it to the extent of my capabilities.

My mother-in-law is really old.  For now she is reasonably healthy, that can change on a dime (as can everything - really).  I am looking at how she spends what most certainly will be her last few months(?).  We really should have arranged our lives to accommodate her old age.  We are honoring what she set up ... she is well tended in a very nice facility. Having spent the day with her I note that the situation must be excruciatingly lonely.  I asked her, "Now that you are old with time to look back, what is most important?"  She said. "Church and family."  Maybe she means relationship with God, I don't know.  I do know what family is.  And ... I wish it was within my means to provide her with a better "family" experience.  As a mom I know very well the love, time, energy, attention ... the many sacrifices one gladly pours in to "family" ... it is shocking to me to see her, happy as she may be because she can't remember well, alone, without family.  She spends several thousand dollars a month for the privilege of "not being a burden" and quite frankly I think that's bizarre.  I am so very grateful for the time I was able to spend with my crazy mother during the last few weeks of her life. It wasn't a gift to her, it was a gift to me.  

Kolaches in West Texas

Dallas ... We enjoyed a dinner up in the tower
back when we lived in this area in the 80's.

Where Pecan Lodge used to be

Building One ... smelled great!

Dallas

Thought to add these pictures of what we've been seeing lately.  Not much going on today - we are visiting with my mother-in-law who lives on the departure path for DFW.  I like the big planes.  We are doing a very intense session of sitting around.  I'm not sure how she feels about the company.

 It's just great being here in Texas!  When I'm not here I think I must be just sorta imagining how comfortable it seems to be around Texans.  People are just nice over here.  Or maybe my kind of grouchy.

We have spent a good amount of time these past few days in the Georgetown area. These bats are South of there in Round Rock.  They launch, swarm out, from the bridge at about 7:15 and are incredible! It's not that I particularly like bats, it's the spectacular nature of seeing these (little monster) things take flight, swirling ribbon like, millions maneuvering with the ease of a single mind.  I like seeing them.

Next ... 

Mexican Martini:

3 ounces añejo tequila

1 1/2 ounces Cointreau

1 1/2 ounces Nellie and Joe's Key lime juice

1 ounce olive brine

1 ounce orange juice

salt rim - olive and lime slice to garnish

We've added two more Texas Top 50 BBQ places to our list, Black's (yummy) and Fargo's (hmmm, pretty good).  Those pics are over on the BBQ post.

welcome to Texas

Sunset between Bryan and Austin

Palmetto State Park

Scenic view from Palmetto State Park road
there's a herd of black cattle 

Finishing the FIRC

Glitter on the floor
because the lady in the next chair "graduated'!
so sweet

Over one million bats launch from South Congress Bridge in Austin, Texas

bats at dusk in Austin area

Two more BBQ places to check off ... one in Bryan, the other in Lockhart.  Busy finishing up the FIRC ... the IFR portion is requiring extra attention.  I thought I could knock it out last night but I'm only on page 13 of 19 before the quiz, can't let it ruin my perfect score!

Spent yesterday with Tommy and his sweetheart.  Plans to go to church with them and hang out after.

this seemed like the day ...

The front door has been black ... as the shutters are, also black.  Today seemed like the day to paint the front door turquoise.  This week I'll get around to painting the door frame an off white color to match the window frames.  I liked it black but I am relieved to see it not black now.  It seems ... more inviting somehow.

Talked with my brother while I painted.  He said, "Not to alarm you, but I'm not feeling so hot these past several days." If wishes could make things different, I'd spend everyone of mine on him feeling better.  Today we talked about just getting through this time.  We talked a little bit about how life has prepared us to face the challenges we face.  And we talked about faith.  He said he has confidence in the goodness of God.  He believes that God knows what He is doing.  I do too.

I get to go over to visit pretty soon.

I don't have a lot of energy for writing lately.  It seems like everything is an effort.  I'm re-reading Screwtape Letters, and I think maybe I'll use a study guide this time through, and maybe make some notes here.  It is an interesting book.  
Also happened into a copy of C.S. Lewis' REFLECTIONS ON THE PSALMS.  Haven't gotten very far along in it yet, but I'm going to be glad to have time with it.  Maybe I'll make notes on it as well.
It's ... I'm exhausted.  I keep my game face on almost all the time, but there is a pervasive dullness that seems to wrap around me.  It feels like an octopus attack might. It feels like something with many arms, wrapping, enveloping, choking.  I feel pain almost unrelentingly ... all the bones in my face hurt ... and I hear a buzzing, or humming, in my head which feels like an empty room.  I am sad.  Sad actually hurts physically.  At the same time I feel God near.  And there is a sweetness to that ... it feels  like when I was tiny and my dad came home from work ... and I knew that pretty soon I could hop up in his lap and lay my head against his heart and listen to it beat,  My dad was a good hugger and I think God must be too.

"Faith is deliberate 

confidence 

in the character of God 

whose ways 

you 

may not understand 

at the time. "

~Oswald Chambers