Friday afternoon

"Death isn't sad. The sad thing is: most people don't live at all" - Socrates in The Peaceful Warrior

This was a long week. I am kinda exhausted most of the time...the kind that comes with that almost numb,dull headache. I do not sleep well. I had a bit of a rough week with flight training. Today, my CFI told me the story of someone he cared about who died while an instructor pilot. I can feel the weight of the responsibility that he feels towards training me in to an instructor. He says he believes that I can do this, but I think he wonders why I want to. I want to because this is hard. I like accomplishing difficult things. Flying is a little bit the same and totally different each time you get in the plane. It requires a lot of self discipline. I like that people come to it and become better versions of themselves as they discipline themselves towards it. I like the challenge of flying well. He doesn't like that one thing can go very wrong and can carry fatal consequences. He, like my other really experienced CFI, has seen the story of mistakes...miscalculations...mishaps written in blood. These guys don't know much about the slow creeping death that sends women like me to the tennis courts, shopping malls and extreme yoga adventures. What am I supposed to do with my life? I've pulled a lot of weeds in my garden. They grow back. There's always another fund raiser or club meeting. The same people with the same fabulous ideas show up. The chairperson changes. The jewelry changes. Everything else stays the same. I have found in this exercise towards accomplishing this goal, strength that I didn't know I had. I like it. I like how it shapes me. I like the idea of helping someone else towards who it can help them towards. I like it.