This was noted several years ago and I "put" it in the draft pile for awhile because it seemed too personal a thing to share. Recently I was looking through "unpublished" stuff I've noted here and came across this and mostly ... it made me laugh ... my momma was a bit of a stinker, so what.
just the top momma I'm sure I said...sassing - lying - embarrassing my family - embarrassing my brothers - making a laughing stock of her - the loud jagged words punctuated by spanking, slapping, pulling hair. I was crying - she was screaming - we were all afraid of her. She probably scared herself. Eventually she gave up on me being the daughter she wished for...but it took a few more years. I was already "grown" and out of the house before I realised that she never hit us when my Dad was home. She never berated us when Daddy was home ... she was strict and not affectionate but not abusive. Daddy was her opposite - loving, fun, funny, amused by our antics and proud of us.
What good can I say about my momma? She did what she thought women were supposed to do. She was smart (kinda - we could pull things over on her pretty easily but I think that's because she didn't anticipate what we might be up to), she was an amazing over-achieving homemaker, her home was clean...you coulda shot a cleaning products commercial in any room in our house at any given moment - no notice required...she was always perfectly dressed and coiffed. She smelled better than anyone...she wore "My Sin, or Veil of Arpege" yeah - I snuck in there and looked at her perfume when ever I felt like it but you better bet I never picked up a bottle! She's 76 and still smells fabulous - I've seen her without all her make up on only maybe once ... don't remember when but surely I have right?!?! She was a wonderful cook too - that must have been her hobby. She was a lot of fun for my dad too - always laughing at his remarks and thinking of ways to make him feel good - or she was furious with him, packing us up in the station wagon and threatening to leave him for good this time...unless he straightened up... . My mom was a bully and a manipulator...guess that's why I don't like to hear myself lumped into "acting like a woman" it reminds me of when women did get their cues on how to act from the soap opera queens and it wasn't very real.
That's about all the good stuff I can think of about my Mom - she didn't care about other people - someone sick represented germs not someone who might need something.
I know something I really appreciate about her - she didn't teach us to hate people because of their race or religion...that might have been my dad because she does some trash talkin now. She didn't care about God or church until I was about 12 - someone got her interested in the prosperity doctrine - where if you believe enough you can make God do whatever you want him to do - she's off that now because it didn't pan out. She's not really interested in anything except my brother and his business and what my children are doing that might be impressive for her to share with her friends. I call her with an update about once a month - I wish she liked to receive texts instead.
Guess that's my mom - She's pretty. She was always the prettiest mom in the room.