The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Friday, April 22, 2016

It's quiet here on the river.  Every early morning the deer are down by the water.  I've started keeping the bedroom window closed at night because one of the neighbors showed me a picture of a five foot, or even longer, black snake.  The snake was on an outside wall of their home, contorted like some ominous hieroglyphic message.  A warning perhaps ... maybe he's making his way this way.  Maybe he's heard my window is open.  Not so much anymore.  Snakes creep me out.  Came upon the next door neighbor on our evening walk last night.  One more sip and the moon will be full, it sure was lighting things up last night.  Or maybe I was paying more attention to seeing things, the snakes, you know.  The nd neighbor said don't worry about the snakes, and he named off several venomous snakes that supposedly aren't around here.  He went on to tell me that poisonous snakes have a complete rib like line on their bellies while their non venomous brothers (ok, and sisters) have a center line which intersects the rib's from head to tail.  Hmmm, he provided a visual by interlacing his fingers for the bad snake and touching fists together for the good snake.  Apparently snakes around here are friendly enough to roll over so one can discern the veracity of his character.  To me, all snakes are politicians no matter the state of their "six pack".

uh oh ... he didn't mention the "anal plate" as a distinguishing marker ... you will note that in  line drawings both the venomous and non-venomous snake are smiling, again, just like they're running for office.

My mom passed on this day two years ago.  I was so worried about Tommy that I barely knew what to do for her once she was gone.  He had the surgery which gave him "more time" and I sat with him through what was most certainly one of the worst nights of our lives.  We had to get through the yucky stuff to find a few more sweet times.  I've spent some time thinking about CANCER during these past many months.  There are pros and cons for however it is addressed and choices are largely personal ... the one certain thing is it's not a solo journey if one "has people".  I was unable to think about "after" because Tommy didn't want to talk about it much.  It seemed right to stay with him where he was in the process and until the very last week or so he didn't want to address the possibility that he was going to die pretty soon..  It's a good note to help your people think about after,  I'm pretty sure "after" thoughts fit with "during" thoughts.  Tommy's wife has continued to ignore my overtures towards her.  It's a complicated story and I can see only one side of it so ... I don't think about it much anymore.
Last week one of the hospital nurses came over to spend the day.  As we sat down to lunch she asked if I'd seen (his widow) and I said nope.  She had.  She said (his widow) had given her (something specific) which I know (his widow) heard Tommy say on several different occasions during that last week, he wanted my husband to have.  It hurt to hear about it.  It's not the "thing" it's the hatefulness or thoughtlessness of the action.  I am very disappointed and hurt by her behavior.  I know things get tangled up and emotions run high during the most stressful times of our lives ... I know.  It's just ... I know what my intentions have been towards her were ... for her to continue to act out like this is just way over the line.  I've never experienced anything like this before.  It seems to be another "window" that I'll have to shut ... only pain comes in through there.

That "window" I will shut.  the bedroom window where the snake could possibly come in I'll probably leave open.  It's just too nice to hear the outside and feel the cool air.  There's an owl out there at night.  I love wondering about him.

Drove out there today.  It's hard to believe that was two years ago.  Lots happens inside two years.

I'm thinking a bit about that lately - how fast the time goes.  We signed the contract for another year in the rental house. 12 more months.  I'm wondering what I can do to make it feel more "like home".  Maybe it's as simple as "live in it".  Sitting out here on the back deck is really just great -birds are everywhere chirping and the night insects are starting their singsongs.  Tonight will be a full moon, it's at it's apogee.  I"ll be able to see it from right here. Pretty soon 12 or more deer will stroll through down by the river.

drove by this early today

and this later in the day

I'm trying to get a good "set" of Texas pictures for a project I'm working on.

Four sent this, snapped to today when she went by our house.  It seems like it's getting ready to belong to someone else pretty soon.  We have a trip back planned in support of something special Two is doing (pics of that later).  Yesterday the Realtor sent a pic of a nest in the front porch rose vine and said someone is definitely making themselves at home there.  A Robin tends a nest there every year about this time ... there are very likely pictures of that nest/vine in previous Spring posts.  I particularly liked the birds building nests and tending their chicks there.  It was super sweet when my phone pinged in "doings on the front porch". (pics treated with the WATERLOGGED app)

Everyone is loving it over here - great to be back home.


GretchenJoanna said...

This makes me think: 'I'm wondering what I can do to make it feel more "like home". Maybe it's as simple as "live in it".'

I like the idea that your nest-making doesn't have to involve elaborate investment in decorating, but is more along the lines of listening to the hoot of the owls and the quiet of the river... and sitting on the deck, "deckorating" haha your home by your presence and acceptance of it *as* home....getting to know (or know about) the neighbors such as deer and ....snakes?

The bird who is making a home at your old place is just going about her business, setting up the necessary equipment for meeting the needs of her family. I wonder if your husband needs anything to make it feel more homey?

May God bless you as you enjoy His companionship along with all of those critters!

DeAnn said...

I always appreciate your comments GJ. I did ask my husband your question. He said he'd like to upgrade the outdoor furniture. We are in the looking stage for that right now. I don't know if you know this, but he is an academic, an engineer. As long as things are "right" in his study (and I am content and our kids are doing fine) he is happy. I was actually surprised that he mentioned outdoor furniture.

The bedroom window is back to open all the time now before it gets too hot. As much activity as Sammy and the two cats stir up I truly doubt the snake will want to be around here.

May God bless you in your doings too!