I flew yesterday. I expect to fly today and tomorrow. I am going to do a quick note here bc it is today and then I am going to get busy on some learning. New CFI gave me at least 15 new different things to think about and a hand full of old things to rethink. I tossed and turned last night and every time I woke up I was thinking about one of them. Part of the reason I like flying is bc it gives me something productive to think about. I want to do bikram (hot room) yoga but I'd rather fly. There are costs (other than financial) associated with that. I continue to try to find a happy balance in my home life - the most important aspect of my life. It is hard to juggle - hard stuff. Yet the hard stuff seems to be where I can grow - not only as a pilot, but as a person.
I read something interesting this morning: Some people write to answer questions - some to ask questions. That has nothing to do with anything - it's random...but interesting.
I am learning something important now. I am a person who likes everyone to be happy. You know how some people can walk in to the room and light it up? That isn't me. Other people seem to emit this or that defining characteristic? I am a nurturer. I am good at seeing what it would take to make a person feel - better. That is what I can bring to the table - every time, all the time. I'm pretty good at a lot of things, but empathy seems to be my long suite. Like any other super power that can get to be too much for both the nurturer and the nurtured. I experience it as too much when people try to manipulate me by acting "not happy" so that I will try to fix it. I see my children working that angle pretty often. I don't blame them for being smart enough to "work" me - I am certainly responsible for building those pathways ... but it isn't healthy for anyone. One of the ways it can be too much for the nurtured is they may be somewhat disabled by me stepping in with the "happy dust". They may need the opportunity to get themselves happy...or maybe happy isn't called for at all.
Most of my work colleages are mid twentyish young men. They do their bonding at the local watering holes. They have been inviting me to join them to mark a specific happy occasion (in my life). I don't drink - not exactly accurate - I don't party drink. I may have when I was 20 something but that was a long (long) time ago. I don't miss those days ... I don't look back wistfully ... I don't want an evening out with the guys. At the same time I know that they are extending something that they see as valuable and I am trying to tread the needle of accepting the sentiment with out actually spending time doing something I don't want to do. I don't want to hurt any ones feelings. I don't want to spend time negotiating the extra stuff...I have a ton of work to do at any given moment. I am trying to do something that is important to me. And I am trying to find my place - the most productive place for myself - at the office. And I specifically want to become an effective flight instructor - I am certain that I don't want the dynamic set up of me being "nurturing" towards the student ... I'm pretty sure one cannot nurture someone into becoming a pilot. I am trying to sort through my skill set for a somewhat different way of approaching things. I am able to (pretend) that I don't "give a rat's ass" (expression compliments of first CFI) ... I can quite convincingly get there...but that is not the authentic me. I do care. I am trying to figure out how to be true to that without letting it mess things up. I made a mess last year while I was working on this and I hurt from that still - and maybe other people do too ( I sure do hope not). So I am trying to temper a strenght that can be not a good thing for anyone involved. I think that is the main "thing" I know to work on this new year. I think it may be a make or break aspect of my ability to function optimally at home and at work ... some basic airwork/lifework is called for here.
I read something interesting this morning: Some people write to answer questions - some to ask questions. That has nothing to do with anything - it's random...but interesting.
I am learning something important now. I am a person who likes everyone to be happy. You know how some people can walk in to the room and light it up? That isn't me. Other people seem to emit this or that defining characteristic? I am a nurturer. I am good at seeing what it would take to make a person feel - better. That is what I can bring to the table - every time, all the time. I'm pretty good at a lot of things, but empathy seems to be my long suite. Like any other super power that can get to be too much for both the nurturer and the nurtured. I experience it as too much when people try to manipulate me by acting "not happy" so that I will try to fix it. I see my children working that angle pretty often. I don't blame them for being smart enough to "work" me - I am certainly responsible for building those pathways ... but it isn't healthy for anyone. One of the ways it can be too much for the nurtured is they may be somewhat disabled by me stepping in with the "happy dust". They may need the opportunity to get themselves happy...or maybe happy isn't called for at all.
Most of my work colleages are mid twentyish young men. They do their bonding at the local watering holes. They have been inviting me to join them to mark a specific happy occasion (in my life). I don't drink - not exactly accurate - I don't party drink. I may have when I was 20 something but that was a long (long) time ago. I don't miss those days ... I don't look back wistfully ... I don't want an evening out with the guys. At the same time I know that they are extending something that they see as valuable and I am trying to tread the needle of accepting the sentiment with out actually spending time doing something I don't want to do. I don't want to hurt any ones feelings. I don't want to spend time negotiating the extra stuff...I have a ton of work to do at any given moment. I am trying to do something that is important to me. And I am trying to find my place - the most productive place for myself - at the office. And I specifically want to become an effective flight instructor - I am certain that I don't want the dynamic set up of me being "nurturing" towards the student ... I'm pretty sure one cannot nurture someone into becoming a pilot. I am trying to sort through my skill set for a somewhat different way of approaching things. I am able to (pretend) that I don't "give a rat's ass" (expression compliments of first CFI) ... I can quite convincingly get there...but that is not the authentic me. I do care. I am trying to figure out how to be true to that without letting it mess things up. I made a mess last year while I was working on this and I hurt from that still - and maybe other people do too ( I sure do hope not). So I am trying to temper a strenght that can be not a good thing for anyone involved. I think that is the main "thing" I know to work on this new year. I think it may be a make or break aspect of my ability to function optimally at home and at work ... some basic airwork/lifework is called for here.
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