The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

what's up in Alabama

Brigitte Brüggemann
Now we are back in Auburn for a couple weeks.  I was surprised (aggravated might be a better word for the true feeling) to see another full U-haul load scattered around the house - The Cost of Discipleship (Bonhoeffer) lays forlorn in the middle of the den's floor, right under a ceiling fan that we can't possible part with.  I just finished grouting a bathroom floor.  Next, for me, I believe after this break I will take the ceiling fan down and replace it with the light fixture I ordered for this room more than a month ago.
The brown band is packing tape a
cross the doorway discouraging entry
while the grout cures

One friend asked, "How many States have y'all been in this summer?"  Nine (and Texas really should count as 5).  That's a lot of road and bunches of wear and tear (or fray) on the old telomeres.  I like looking out the window watching the travel channel up close and personal, I do not like hotels and trip food.  I think I've actually been very stressed out of late (beginning about a year and a half ago) and I am committing to myself to regain ground on looking after myself better.  I have found that frozen yogurt and the occasional exotic martini really don't help at all as a long term solution to managing the pain of life.  I am thinking now that while a lot of the grievous things which come our way are beyond our control, that maybe that idea of slowing things down enough to truly savor (or notice at least) all the delightful things may be the best path to balancing the load.
Some of that yucky stuff is entirely within ones control as far as exposure to and how to think about it.
The lady next door dwells on her dysfunctional relationship with an adult child.  They have had no contact in over seven years.  Yesterday  she came over (she misses me) and that was her main topic.  I am sad for them both.  It seems such a waste.  It seems like there might be a way towards reconciliation.  Her grief is palpable and honestly, it adversely affects every aspect of her life.  I told her that things that don't make sense ... just don't.  One can not make sense of a thing which is senseless.  I don't have any idea of how she can/best should handle that, but I do know for me, with stuff like that...senseless stuff, once it is massaged to the point of recognizing the senselessness of it... I make myself stop thinking about it.  None of my kids dislike me.  Maybe it's not possible to just stop dealing with something like that.  I do know that my mom didn't like me, it never made sense.  I didn't look for a replacement mom, I just dealt with it.  It did lead me to conclude that I was unlikeable to women (at least somewhat)  but it was just one of those things of which one must say "It is what it is."  Is that too pragmatic?
Yucky stuff.  My brother's widow is posting stuff on his Facebook page which I find odd and nonsensical.  She thinks he is communicating with her via cloud formations, dragonflies, electrical surges on a not charged light-up toy car.  As I polished grout in between those tiny floor tiles I realized I can't help her but I can help myself by not looking at the posts.  I don't have to experience the clutter of her journey.  I don't understand her process, but ... I don't have to.  If I do check in on the latest manifestation and find it "taxing" - it's on me.  I don't have to visit the shrines.  I miss him.  We all have our individual ways of dealing with our stuff.  I know it must be very difficult for her.

Here's the plan.
It's a good list.

whatever is


think on such things.

~Philippians 4:8

I used to have a plan for what I would think about when ever I had time to let my mind wander.  I have neglected that habit of late.  I am trying to get back to some of my basics.  Lately I have been reviewing "systems".  I'm pretty familiar with many aircraft systems.  I've "re-looked" at some of those just for fun.  Ummm, engines rock.  I think it is truly genius that mankind has devised so many productive systems.
I have been thinking about how each person (an absolutely marvelous multi system  entity) is part of a larger "thing".  I've been thinking about how important it is to show up in life and contribute your part. Just from having had plenty of opportunities to observe, I've noticed that seemingly inconsequential or totally unrelated "actions" can matter, can have significant positive impact.  Doing what you are supposed to do and of equal importance, not doing what you're not supposed to do.  Today a friend posted a little reminder which said:

so true

I didn't get a great picture of it, but it does look nice in the den.  I like that I know how to do that.  Installing a fixture is a lot easier then paying someone to come in and do it! (The floor job I'm not as certain about.)

Oh, and for future reference - today we stopped owning Vincent (Van Go).  The engine said, "no más". 

and this, because I know it will make me smile every time I see it (too bad I typo-ed):

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