Moving day for One

Moving up (with boxes) and down ( for another load) 40 steps (3rd floor)
I remembered the days, long since past,
of running up and down the bleachers
for conditioning.

The brain recalls, these leg muscles have never been there.

Life does move along.

This morning, my body didn't feel old,
but I realized I am beginning to ... feel old.

Old, as in pointless.
I begin to understand the vacantness which often surrounds old people.

At dinner I watched a couple who appeared to be around my age on a date.
He was so earnest ... trying really hard to engage her.
She obviously wasn't feeling him.

In response to that I said to two of my children who were also there,
"If I die before Dad, y'all have to help him with stuff like that."
"C will hook him up with some old hottie, probably an old school teacher"
was my son's super sensitive response.
My husband's head bobbed while he mused,
"Hmmm, double-dipping."

Not a double entendre. His thoughts go more towards empire building.
Her assets will need to be financial in nature.

~*~

As I watched the sun come up from my bed this morning I realized that I

probably can't wait to get settled in to our "real house"

before I begin figuring out what comes next for me.

I thought retirement would feel more like the beginning of a marriage,

like a new start in an old relationship.  But it doesn't.

I actually feel more alone.

I think the truth of the matter is we are largely alone.

I think we try to fill the "alone bucket" with activities and people,

but ... (and not sadly) we are mostly ... alone.

~*~

It is a happy day for One.  His life is on the track he is choosing.

He is enjoying the outcomes from his life choices.

As a life-long friend,  I enjoy his journey and look forward to

his expanding joy.