That quote at the top of the page - The way to love someone is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul until you find a crack, and then gently pour your love into that crack ~ Keith Miller - when I saw that I knew it was perfect, but we can't really do that, can we?
This blog, I write for myself (it's amazing how clear stuff gets as I take time to write it down), and also for my two traveling girlfriends ... I know I said the thing about being raised with boys yesterday, but y'all know I've done most of my growing up with you. I said a few days ago, that I know what my role is in a group ... my role is to help coalesce the group. You do that by finding the bonding compound and applying it judiciously. You don't try to change anyone, you just find their attachment points and build from there ... sometimes you build a bridge, sometimes you get an attachment that is so clean that it disappears...seamless. I am excited to see that that can be done from the outside too ... . That part of me that not trusting took hostage ... I had said goodbye to that part of me. I thought that part of me was gone. I had started doing pretty good with my nextgen trust right at that time when I realized - well I actually asked the question; can I still sorta trust you (because if you have to ask you already aren't working with real trust) And then Britney starting singing Oops I did it again. Someone who seemed to know said randomly, "If someone does that to you, they will do it again." I wanted that to be wrong, so I asked. And what I found out, I didn't want to know. I didn't want to think about it. It hurt too much to think about it ... yeah, that thing I've asked God to think about. It was obvious to all that my trust circuitry was almost repaired when that lightening bolt hit home. I don't want to be messed up. At very least and probably the truth is at the most as well, I want to trust God. That is the foundation of a well relationship. I want my soul to be well. That crack...all those cracks...I would very much like to be a vessel glued back together. The down side to that is when you glue someone, that glue becomes a part of them too. Just because you can't see the glue you put there doesn't mean it's not there. So we put a bit of ourselves - that stuff that we have an abundance of whatever it is - into each others cracks.
Hmmm that sounds a little colorful - I'll try again.
"I can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me." But He doesn't show up with skin on -atleast not that I've been aware of. He lets us participate by doing what we do - being who we really are - and (sometimes inadvertently)gently pouring our gift in to that broken area of the people around us. We do that without even trying to when we are being authentically who we're supposed to be. That is exactly why it's so important to just be who we are intended to be. (That sniper show - the person who had to be killed wasn't someone's love, he was the stack of the people he would kill if you let him. I'm saying that here because you - the real you - are not just someone God loves, you also represent all the healing compound that only you can put in to the brokenness around you.)
That is enough thinking for one morning ... the washer has stopped and I think there is only one load behind this one. And - today i get to fly and I need to get my head there so I can rock the maneuvers - it's been almost two weeks.
This post goes with that post titled Nascent (I think). Need to see if that is in storage or out here.
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