The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Monday, June 23, 2014

back home

Ann Voskamp site


I'm back in my little nest. Everything feels weird.  It feels exactly like that dream I had last week ... where the tree I was in just fell away ... and it was like I was standing atop a telephone pole.  I've seen pictures of people doing that. How do people get up there?  (The dream unsettles me still ... I can't remember ever calling out for help either in a dream or while awake. I need help. ... from whence cometh my help.
My help cometh from the Lord ~Ps. 121)  Hello, help please. (I shoulda asked sooner.)

How do they ever get back down?
I don't know where dreams, or nightmares, come from ... I'm actually afraid of heights ... I fear falling. In the dream I told myself not to be afraid (but I was ... and I am).  Help please

A couple of weeks ago we (my brother and I) were in the hospital quietly watching birds fly ... around, I would say fly by, but it seemed like maybe they were just flying around the area ... it seemed like the same birds.  Tommy wondered aloud,"Do you think they have a plan for where they are going? They seem so intent, flying from here to where ever ... ".  I thought about my three black cats who look alike.  You wouldn't be able to tell them apart, but I can.  I know them.  They are very different from each other.  Are birds like that?  Do they have ... plans?

Last night as we drove down our street my husband said, "You haven't been here for three weeks." I've been away.  Boxes full of my mother's things are all over my house ... and there is a shattered platter on the dining room floor, shards are everywhere (cat naughtiness I assume).  Four cans of soup are on the grains shelf. Sammy is looking a bit Rastafari. There's lots to do. 

This morning I woke up and walked Sammy.  He is so happy to see me.  Last night I hugged him over the fence ... he couldn't stop smiling and wagging his tail. I cried.  

Around front day lilies were nodding with unopened blooms, and the cicadas were singing and fireflies were ... strobing. The velvety night air, heavy with the rain that came after my eyes were shut, smelled ... fabulous ... gardenias, magnolias, well tended lawns ... air filtered fresh by trees which also provide shelter for birds.  Singing birds.  Even when it's dark they call to each other.  I think they know what they are doing.  Maybe they don't have plans. Sure doesn't seem like they do. They are good at "right this moment" stuff. 

Behold the fowls of the heaven: 
for they sow not, neither reap, nor carry into the barns, 
yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. 
Are ye not much better than they?
Matthew 6:26

 And that's what I'm going to try to do ... just gonna try to stay in the moment.  Sweep up messes ... walk the dog, do some laundry, (smile) breathe ... try to sing.

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