Really, there is nothing like a bunch of ... what? Stressful events? Sad stuff? ... nothing like how this year has been for me, however that can be described ... nothing is better to spark a look at ones own important "stuff". I say I think life is a spiritual journey accomplished in an earth suit. We are souls confined by, informed by ... our humanity and the larger humanity as we experience it. It is collaborative in so many ways.
I have noticed that I have some stuff messed up. I would like to engage with God in getting that stuff ... better. I'm noticing stuff that I haven't been able to see, not like I was unaware, just unable to deal with ... ill prepared, overwhelmed. Now I see that very easy, oh so obvious, truth. It's me. I am my problem. And ... grace is my only hope (Hope!) in experiencing God's love for me. (And there's plenty to go around ... I know God loves each of us.)
anger ... directed at self, also at perceived injustice or point(s) of frustration ... at the tangles in life
grief for what seemed to be or might have been, might have become ... fantasies and illusions ... regrets ... grief for the sadness of it all
healing via re-direct
understanding God's love for me
thinking about the degree to which I am willing for God to deal with me
look for places where I can grow ... as my doings
what I'm doing wrong - stop doing that ... stay in my strengths
be strong ... clear/focused ... not needy for little affirmations
look for grace ... like, expect grace, notice it happening
learn more about God's love ... intimacy with God ... being known by God ... loved by God
What does it mean to abide with Him?
I feel bad that I just want to experience Him as I think I'm best able to ... like visible would be nice I think. But ... that's what I think I want, and even I can see all kinds of problems with wanting a visible God.
Now I'm realizing there is a way, God's way, and I bet it will be not so hard to find. God already knows me. He knows I'll need some help.