The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Monday, July 7, 2014

planting good stuff

We walk from home on to the campus and back.  He used to do five miles easy.  We go at his pace, meaning plenty of scratch and sniff along the way - the college kids like to pet him, so we will stop for that some too.  He is out of shape for that distance now, maybe it's the heat, probably all the extra fur isn't helping (I'm brushing a half a laundry basket full out of his coat every morning!), or maybe he is just outta shape as I am.  We are back at it.
Can stress cause weight gain?
In other words, since your neuro-endocrine system doesn't know you didn't fight or flee, it still responds to stress with the hormonal signal to replenish nutritional stores -- which may make you feel hungry.

Why We Gain Weight When We’re Stressed—And How Not To

And it can make it more difficult to fit into those lovely jeans you splurged on, leading to more stress...

Yeah ... that's the problem!  Those size 6 Banana Republic jeans are in the bottom drawer ... I don't dare take them out and try to zip in to them!  I was really trying to be smart about what I ate while at the hospital with Tommy ... I think it must have been the coffee, not the coffee, the creamy half and half ... I wonder how many calories are in 6-8 shots of cream for a regular size coffee ... had I wondered in a more timely manner I likely wouldn't be wondering how to make those jeans fit!

So ... Sammy and I are back to walking.  I can actually feel the stress in my body.  It makes especially my back, shoulders, arms ... ummm, those muscles in the top half of my legs hurt ... they feel inflamed.
My muscles ache.  I don't understand why, but they do.  C said I need to do more stretching.  She said that is the most neglected part of a person's workout.  She said my leg cramps are from not stretching properly ... I think it has to do with not drinking enough water and Propel (while drinking way too much coffee ... I love coffee, it's the preferred comfort food ... yes I would prefer coffee favored ice-cream, but I resist ice cream all together ... best not to hope for too much comfort).  Anyway, I am really trying to do those things, like walk with my dog, and drink lots of water ... and my favorite cure all, Epsom salt soak baths with the lights off in the bathroom ... I'm trying to do that stuff and working at stretching.  Trying to make life feel normal by doing my normal things ... cook, clean, garden, putz around the house.  I haven't been back to the pottery studio, but ... I'm starting to want to go.  I talk to my brother more often then we did before we knew about the cancer.  I wake up all the time to pray for him, for all of us ... .   Cancer ... really sucks.  People who care about me want to be updated ... they say nice things about how I handled stuff with Momma, about how nice it is that I care about my brother as I do (I really don't like the praise, it feels crazy weird to be petted for doing what is the only thing one can do ... it's not a stretch, it's love.  I love my people (even though Momma and I weren't compatible temperamentally she is my mother.)  Well, I'm venting ... all I'm saying is I'm trying.  Trying to take care of myself.  It's difficult.  I should think of it as love.

Yesterday L and I planted flowers.  That's going to help ... flowers in the front beds.  There are four more large beds waiting for their turn.  I chose to plant perennials ... not my favorites, but I need the help of them showing up next year all by themselves. I need things to be easier.  This week, and probably next as well, I'm going to clean out the bed along the driveway.  My new neighbors doused their half of that bed with roundup and it bled over to our side.  I have noticed over the years that adjoining "boundaries" or borders ... the places where "we" touch one another are vulnerable to all sorts of undesirable outcomes.  In gardening as in life.  I salvaged several of the day lilies.  The irises seem to have been oblivious to the poison.  That bed seems to be overcome with poison ivy and other thistly/thorny stuff.  The poison killed the good stuff and seems to have supported the bad stuff (again, like life).  Anyway, I'm planning to "get after it".

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