The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Thursday, December 26, 2013

welded frame with wood slats
Homewood shop  ~

favorite couch in the world (@)
Restoration Hardware
Christmas shopping w L
(always stop to "visit" the couch)

rainy Sunday

LB helping me wrap gifts

Flight Review for a friend today …
winds calm vis +10 … 62F
fun flight
Busy reading up on "anger".  Fascinating.  It is interesting as a topic, and I intend to note stuff here as soon as I have the way to do so organized in my head … .   Anger is a big topic.  One of the things I have thought of as I read about something which would seem to be already clearly understood, is that for me, it is not (clearly understood).  For example, I have heard the term passive aggressive, and I thought I knew what that meant, but now I'm not so sure … and, I did not realize that there are passive ways of expressing anger as well as aggressive expressions of anger.
I grew up in a home where everything was "out there" … if Momma was upset (and she usually was) everybody knew all about it … and with Daddy, laid back as he was, there was no mistaking angry moments (I have his style … vocal … I will say, "Now that really pisses me off". And everyone knows because I say it, aloud, and sometimes loud.  I don't like to be loud, but I like being ignored even less when I am upset about something … it happens so seldom that I really expect the rubbing wrong to stop.)  Anyway … reading about how people (we) may express anger, and how they (we) may respond to anger is … illuminating.  I am really enjoying the study … and I feel as though I have come late to the table for this.  I didn't realize that expressing anger, angers the person to whom the anger is being expressed … and I thought if a person didn't notify me with words that they were torqued that they weren't … laughing at myself, my naivete, it really is funny … I think of myself as  inter-personally savvy, but … wow, I have spent half a century not knowing that.  These are a few notes on passive expressions of anger.  Who knew?
Dispassion - such as giving someone the cold shoulder looking unconcerned, dampening feelings with substance abuse, overreacting, oversleeping, not responding to an other's anger, frigidity, indulging in sexual practices that depress spontaneity and make objects of participants, giving inordinate amounts of time to machines, objects or intellectual pursuits, talking of frustrations but showing no feeling.
Evasive - such as turning one's back in a crisis, avoiding conflict, not arguing back, becoming phobic.
Defeatism - such as setting yourself or others up for failure, choosing unreliable people to depend on, being accident prone, underachieving, sexual impotence, expressing frustration at insignificant things but ignoring serious ones.
Obsessive behaviors such as needing to be inordinately clean and tidy, making a habit of constantly checking things, over-dieting or overeating, demanding that all tasks be done to perfection.
Psychological manipulations such as provoking people to aggression and then patronizing them, provoking aggression but staying on the sidelines, sabotaging relationships, using sexual provocation, using a third party to convey negative feelings, withholding money or resources.
Secretive behaviors such as stockpiling resentments that are expressed behind people's backs, giving the silent treatment or under the breath mutterings, avoiding eye contact, putting people down.

Fascinating.  I am enjoying looking through the "stuff" … it's probably a year long project!

This is always a busy time of the year for me. It was nice to fly today, and have flights scheduled for Friday ad Monday morning as well.


downeyseven said...

I'm interested in the anger book title - seems interesting. I observe anger in me & need to learn the traits so I can see it it in the children. Dr. Gary Chapman said, "the best gift we can give our children, is the ability to understand and handle their anger."

DeAnn said...

CJ, I'm looking at what psychologists say about anger right now, trying to build a proper vocabulary with which to think about the big picture. Next I'll look at what some of the philosophers I like have to say. Then I look at what some of the spiritual teachings about the topic are. Then I'll try to understand what the Bible wants to say about anger. I think it's going to take a while … . Dr. Chapman is on the list! I think understanding anger may be what I'm actually trying to do. Seems like it comes in a lot of different flavors!