The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

I guess that's one of the things I've spent the most time thinking about this past week ... the idea of the wonders which God performs.

Talking with my brother I realized that I already believe he is in remission.  I really don't know how one establishes "remission" ... maybe it's about the protein markers.  I know my brother's voice.  I can hear health in the sound of his voice now.  He says if I could see him I would feel even better.  The picture he sent looked really red ... like been to the dessert with a horse with no name red ... he said that's the chemo.  Other then the redness, he looked better, healthier, then he has for a long time.  That "clean" living agrees with him (lol, that's what I've been saying).  Please God, keep him whole for lots of days to come. I most certainly "feel" better about his state of health because of hearing and seeing good indications, but ... I'm that sort of person who doesn't easily believe what I see or hear ... maybe I did when I was a kid, but life has taught caution.  I like to prepare myself for "not best" ... not the worst, but ... I seldom hope for the best I can imagine (It's just not realistic ... I gotta protect myself ... I don't feel comfortable in na-na land).

As I said, I already believe.
It's interesting to me to realize that.  I believe in the same way that I believe 1+1=2.  It just does.  It's not a thinking thing ... and because it is such a small thing I process it quickly ... two apples in the bowl ... two socks on the floor ... there is a couple walking down the street, 2.  Easy.  Fact.  I accept it as fact without any sorting about for other possibilities.  That's how I "think and feel" about where he is at in this process. ... then hope ... I hope it lasts a long long time.  I don't think about that very often because ... I am unable to affect that, and most importantly, it's God's business and I am confident that He has good plans for all of us.  I do believe that too.

I don't think I have ever prayed about something (other then this thing with Tommy), asked God for something, where I have experienced confidence that "it" was done before I saw evidence ... and by that I mean real stuff, scientific support, physical proof ... of it really done.  I can "do" the it's in God's hands part, but I don't think I've ever experienced the ... this ...

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. 
Hebrew 11:1
 I'm thinking about that now.  Now that I realize a different way to look at it, it seems that I personally don't have much faith.  

I believe there is a God.  I believe there was a man named Jesus, His son, who died on a cross and rose again.  I believe Jesus became the acceptable sacrifice for my sin, the sin in my nature and the actually sins I do (and even just think about doing) ... I humbly accept the grace provided by His gift, by His life, death, resurrection.  

The Apostles' Creed  (Spurgeon's notes via Phil)

Let's make this easier ... I believe this, as I understand it: 

I believe in God the Father, Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth:
And in Jesus Christ, his only begotten Son, our Lord:
Who was conceived by the Holy Ghost, born of the Virgin Mary:
Suffered under Pontius Pilate; was crucified, dead and buried: He descended into hell:
The third day he rose again from the dead:
He ascended into heaven, and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty:
From thence he shall come to judge the quick and the dead:
I believe in the Holy Ghost:
I believe in the holy catholic church: the communion of saints:
The forgiveness of sins:
The resurrection of the body:
And the life everlasting. 

I thought that was "faith".

This week I had my vision checked.  I marvel at the coolness of our eyes.  I am amazed by the coolness of how sight works and by how we store images.  Absolutely amazing.  It makes me smile to sit here and think of it even for a second.  I thought faith was essentially believing things we can't see with our physical eyes.  Like God, who my eyes can't see ... but who is evidenced (I believe) by the miraculousness of something like our eyes (or pretty much anything He made ... it's all cool, and gets cooler as I learn more about it).

Anyway ... I recognize that I am unable to "believe" as well as I wish I could.  I see that because of how easy it is for me to believe that my brother is already in remission when ... in fact ... he still has a round or two of chemo to go and then whatever "they" do to discover where he's at prior to the pronouncement.

I'm thinking about it because I have other things going on in my life that I wish I could have faith would go as well.  Important stuff.  The stuff I am praying about ... I don't really believe it will go as I hope it will.  I think it's hard for me to believe.  I do trust God, but I don't believe what I'm asking for is possible.  Not really.  And ... that's contrary to the notion that ...

Jesus looked at them and said, 
“With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Matthew 19:6

I'd really like to say I believe that.  I'd like for that to be a 1+1=2 type of belief.  I can honestly say I believe "with God all things are possible".  But ... we (mankind) don't surrender all things to God and He doesn't force us to give Him our "stuff" ... . How's He supposed to make our stuff right when we don't give Him the opportunity to do so.

So ... I'm trying to find the stuff I haven't let go of.  

I'm so out of time to sit and think/type!  It's difficult to keep the house clean when I'm away from my home all day.  But, I am glad I have a job!

 “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!” - Mark 9:24

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