The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Monday, September 28, 2015

just meandering thoughts

From my spot in the chair on the right I see

crunchy golden leaves as small as dimes swirling about like ice crystals in a snow flurry

and a lone duck at rest behind a limb that dips in to the river on the far side

the almost empty bird feeder, hanging pendulum stirred by the breeze, traces a lazy circular pattern

Fall eases in like a lopsided smile.

It's just great to sit here looking out the window and see those leaves flitting on a breeze.  I am trying very hard to make time for just that ... relaxing.  Seeing what can be seen from a slower pace ... noticing that I am easily seduced by the peripheral blur ... fast has seemed to be more, hmm, fun, interesting.  I wonder what all I must have missed going so fast all the time.

Couple ah nights ago I dreamed about preflighting a plane that had what seemed to me to be a problem with the connection between stabilator and the antiservo tab.  Even though I felt pressured to fly the plane I refused.  It's a complicated feeling, I can't quite explain it even to myself.  I woke up wondering if there's something in life, just everyday life, that I'm not noticing as I should be.  The ups and downs are a lot "smoother" if the antiservo tab is functioning as it is intended to.

In the dream I watched as though on a small screen, a video replay, of that plane as the stabilator twisted and because it was too low to recover, the plane crashed.  I don't know the ins and outs of what might have happened mechanically if that were real ... not a dream ... but in the dream I felt that I should have insisted that the problem be looked at closer, rather than just bailing out on the flight myself.  
"Relationships" as a topic is on my mind.  I think the dream was in support of thinking about that.
Lol ... it's so much easier to sit peacefully with oneself, perhaps listening to the dog rumble around, then to deal with all the little (and bigger than little) bits of all our so many relationships.  I tend to keep mine to a minimum, but I don't think I'm really supposed to!
We saw the movie (V and I) a few weeks ago and I've been thinking about the imaginary friend character/aspect ever since.  In reading up on imaginary friend it seems that "only children", as in one per household, lean more towards this sort of thing, also females more often then males in the early years, later in life gender doesn't play a role.  I didn't have an imaginary friend.  I was closer to my two brothers then most siblings appear to be, but I attribute that to the fact that my dad's job moved us around very frequently during our formative years ... also we had the common concern of an over zealous mother.  I'm wondering why, like what encourages, imaginary friendships.  I imagine that it's almost impossible to not attribute "imaginary" qualities to our real friendships ... meaning, I think people believe "better" of other people, the people they like/love/befriend.  
The other day I heard my son say, I will have other plans for dinner because she chose not to behave in a way that families behave ... something like that, iow, I don't want to hang out with someone who can act/do like that.  I get it. Empathy is almost impossible when you don't know the story ... and sometimes knowing their story isn't a possibility for any number of perfectly reasonable reasons.  I have five adult kids and they all have significant relationships outside our immediate family ... the boys are very easy going (but they date women, lol) ... the girls usually have a slight problem waxing or waning between themselves that they hope I will chose sides on (it's exhausting!).  My kids are "tight" with each other and I believe they will be good at "doing" family as they move along in life.  None of them had imaginary friends ... they would have selected imaginary private bedrooms if their imaginations were at play ... they were apt to be lacking in solitude if anything.  I think a pen pal would be the closest type connection that I can imagine as "imaginary friend" ... a "friend" who you imbue with the qualities you most prefer them to have, I mean ... you don't actually know them, you interpret what they chose to share about themselves, reading between the lines with your "filter".  If you actually had a few moments with them you may find yourself having trouble reconciling who they actually are with who you thought them to be (even though they never offered anything misleading at all).  

  • Imaginary friends or imaginary companions are a psychological and social phenomenon where a friendship or other interpersonal relationship takes place in the imagination rather than external physical reality.

If that is the working definition, then I'd say that most friends are in a sense imaginary because we seldom know what a person will do, we imagine we know, we speculate.  People are full of surprises.

  • Research has shown that imaginary companions are a normative part of childhood and even adulthood. And some psychologists suggest that imaginary companions are much like a fictional character created by an author. 

I'm reading that book SKYFAIRING ... I'm sorta reading it.  I like it, but it is not what I was actually hoping for.  I hoped his writing would be something like Captain Dave's writing, but it's not.  It's interesting in an entirely different way.  This author said he had a (childhood) pen pal who he was able to meet (as an adult) because he is an airline pilot ... he flew to meet his (imaginary) friend and it went well.  I think that's really neat.

This week end we had company in for dinner on Friday and missed our movie night in support of that.  On Sunday afternoon we kayaked on the Colorado ... I loved it!  Last night I woke up feeling like I'd been laying on my left side for too long, it was aching like flu body aches ... I wasn't on my left at all though.  I over did the left side work out.  A bit stiff all over at first this morning but all better as the day went on.  (Getting old!)  Great fun, and I can't wait to go again.

I trained with a lot of really outstanding pilots.  One of them used to say "Everyone has to paddle their own boat."  

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