I go for weeks now not fretting about getting that job ... and then, suddenly, out of the dark, that job monster has got me. I borrowed money to complete the CFI certificate ... on the promise that they would hire me ... that changed ... I understand that. I remember the day at the bank ... my husband co-signed ... the banker is a long term relationship, coincidently a pilot ... "How do you intend to repay this?" he asked. I told him I had been assured of a job by the flight school ... . Now, my husband is paying the loan back for me. This morning when he asked me what I am going to do today, all I could suddenly think of is what I am not going to do today ... but I said, "I'm going to get a box in the mail for your brother's birthday." There is nothing his brother would rather have then a batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies ... with pecans. They do not bake. He thinks it's a big deal when I do that for him. My husband said, "Don't forget you're out of sugar." Yep. Out of sugar ... been making lots of cookies lately.

By the end of this month a warrior is supposed to be here. The person who has leased it hopes I will instruct in it as many hours as possible. It's going to rent for 130/hour ... and because of a no compete agreement, it can't be operated out of the local airport. Everyone is saying students won't want to drive 20 minutes to a flight lesson that will cost the same as the local guys charge. People are saying I should waive the instructor fee. Yeah, it's kinda bumming me out. I don't even know if there are any students out there. It costs a bunch of money to put an airplane up in the air ... . So ... Idk. I want to do what is best. I just don't really know what that is. In a year we will probably move ... And maybe to a place where I can find a job. Holding on my the skin of my teeth would be worth it if I had a better opportunity to look forward to. We are looking at possibilities. Or ... I could just settle in to someone who does nice things for other people ... and enjoys the nice life that I have. I am enjoying catching up on my reading. I do miss flying. I do not miss the soap opera of a small group of people working together. The drama ... I don't miss the drama. I really enjoy the quiet ... . It seems to be about what you allow yourself to think about. I know that's a very old idea ... Perceptions shaping one's reality.

Today, I'm going to get some cookies in the mail. And, I'm going to send some to my son also ... he will be delighted. Last time I was in line at the post office, some old guy started telling me his life story ... beginning with the war, tracking through everything that's now wrong with this country ... and culminating in exactly what is draining from his catheter ... He made me laugh. And I promised the blood bank guys I would come in and donate ... They are very low on my blood type. That's what I'm doing today.