Oasis

... more about the rose vine, less about the flowers and thorns ...

The Miracles of the Loaves
by C. H. SPURGEON
(1834-1892)
"Do we not very frequently suffer our memory to let his benefits go? Is not depression of spirit occasioned by the fact that we do not well consider the miracle of the loaves or its counterpart which has taken place in our history? How many times have I sought the Lord in sorest trouble and he has brought me through! What burdens have I carried to him and found them vanish! What wants has he not supplied? What marvels has he not wrought on my behalf? Surely, if I think of what he has done for me I shall not, unless my heart be hardened, permit myself to be afraid. Cannot many of you say the same? Are there not oases in your pilgrimage through the desert which, as you look back upon them, are to your grateful memory very green and full of sunlight, where the Lord revealed himself to you and wrought very mightily for you?"

In March 2011 I wrote this ... She's talking about close relationships ... intimacy. This is what I think ... this thought originated in a place that should just feel but now it thinks first. Intimacy is like an oasis in the dessert ... maybe they exist ... lots of times they turn out to be a mirage ... me? I'm going to carry my own water. That may sound a little bitter here in black and white ... I don't think it is ... I think it is just practical.


What a little grouchy girl ... I wonder how my very close friends even put up with the real me somedays! Intimacy is ... intimate. It seems silly to experience a disappointment, and then dwell on it ... allowing it to mess with you. I wish it were possible to just say to one's self ... bummer ... that was/is a mess, but ... I am able to walk away from that. Some other stuff is coming up, maybe awesome stuff, maybe sucky stuff, but whatever it is, I need to be my best me for what is next. And ... I'm just thinking here, but it seems like the really super duper important stuff that doesn't go acceptably well is really where the problem areas are. How 'bout that Spurgeon quote. Absolutely a great perspective. See, I'm thinking the lesson learned ... Rather then this cynical "booted-up" tough game face that I'm saying is just practical ... . It would be a lot effective to remember his benefits ... marvels wrought. And I really liked that video by Louie Giglio about the immensity of God's creation as we know it in relation to where I fit in his grand plan. I can see the wisp of smoke which is my life and I think "isn't the real miracle that I think I can sense God's presence ... ever". And so we bless those moments when we feel him nearer ... that song ... Momma asked me to sing at my Granny's funeral. I didn't want to, but I did it ... and my brother reached over and held my hand tight to help me through it. God shows up. He shows up because he is never ever even a breathe away. I'm reading Elie Wiesel now and I'm thinking about a quote where someone asks where is God (during a horrible moment in the camp) and someone answers ... He is right here.

when I am weak, unable to speak,
still I will call You by name.
“Oh Shepherd, Savior, Pasture-maker,
hold on to my hand,” and You say “I am.”

The winds of change,
And circumstance blow in and all around
us so we find a foothold that’s familiar,
And bless the moments that we feel You nearer
Life had begun, I was woven and spun,
You let the angels dance around the throne, who can say when,
But they’ll dance again, when I am free and finally headed home

Tap post title to jump to you tube video of Nichole Nordeman' I Am

The miracle of the loaves. I've thought about this a lot lately. I am the little one with not much to offer ... Why would I think my meager understanding or supplies or whatever ... carry my own water!?! Wow ... that's some serious whininess going on there. I am sorry I thought that much less said it out loud! This weather is reminding me of how ephemeral perspectives are. I like it that God says he doesn't change. The great I Am.