The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Friday, April 18, 2014

containers ... along 79

Good Friday ... Easter Sunday approaches, first ... today.
I am thinking about a sermon, almost forgotten ... but this ... He can roll back hearts of stone as well.

Now I have enjoyed two nights of sleep, last night was a bit tossyturny as I wrestled with thoughts best pushed forward to where all the pieces might be on the table.  Sometimes when I sleep, and especially when I am a bit overtired, my "stuff" comes spilling out.  One of my coping strategies is to compartmentalize stuff.  It works mostly really well for me, except when it doesn't work well at all.  My stuff has been spilling out a bit today ... . I think with Momma well cared for at the Hospice House I have time and space to "leak" a little.  But ... let's don't right now.  This is a sweet moment.  The apartment is perfectly quiet ... the kind of quiet that I am able to imagine cicadas singing in to ... the quiet where I can be thankful for answered prayers.  It's pretty bad, but it could feel a lot worse.  It feels like it's going to get better and better.

I was able to spend the day with my brother.  He was not good company ... I'll give him a break on this one as he is quite nauseas from the chemo.  It's  impressive to observe how he is holding his ground on this stuff.  I think it might actually be pretty straight forward for him if it weren't for the GT obstructions.  Infusion today to help push back the nausea ... hopefully  he will be able to hold something down tomorrow.   And ... hopeful is exactly what this experience is coaching me on.  I hope.

The plan is to keep Mom's apartment for a few months (and it is an answer to prayer that the building management can allow that).  I can be here to help get her settled in at the nursing center.  It's impossible to guess how long she has, sometimes I would say days, other times I think maybe a few months.  I'd like to stay here near by as long as she may need me.  My family is able to support that wish too and I am very thankful for that.
I am grateful to have this time with my brother and his precious wife too.

Here are a few shots from my phone these last couple of days ...
Momma @ Hospice House
and this very sweet Great Pyrenees
 came calling
(seemed like Sammy was sending a hug)
Black-eyed Susan's blooming along the on ramp
UT stadium in background
cool looking cut off valve cover plate
clouds low and dense this morning
a surprise for Momma tomorrow
they smell so great - perfect!

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