The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

 Momma doesn't have WiFi at her place ... nor does she own a coffee making device of any sort ... I'm out early as she sleeps, next meds due at ten, thinking to find the place where my brother gets his truck washed.  Overcast layer is obscuring what I know to be a brilliant sunrise, it's glorious here where you may see as far as you can see.  Speed limit 45, everyone's rolling 35, no one in a hurry to start the week in a town where the lights are still out even on the main drag.  Seems like all the early morning trucks are parked outside the Donut Palace.  Once inside I find an old-fashioned, so sweet it hurts my fingers to pick it up, and a weak cup of coffee ... Great Generation warriors are swapping stories.  "Pull up a chair and sit on the floor over there" one greets another behind me and I smile as they laugh out loud.
I smile ... it feels good.
It feels real ... I've been smiling that pushed up on the sides sort of smile.  Time to find a real one I think.  However I've been looking is making my face hurt.  I woke up thinking about that - it's been a month now.  I'm here for an unforeseeable while.  I need to start finding a rhythm to this time, something I can work with.  It's okay that nothing makes sense, sometimes life just doesn't, but it'll help me to wrap it in some sort of routine

Corn ... they'll use it for fuel production

 My momma is like someone sorta here sorta there ... she seems to float back and forth and it seems like she is a really good version of herself.  She is pleasant to be around.  Tonight I heated up light weight blankets for her and as I wrapped her up she smiled, "This is right next to heaven" she said.  She absolutely loves to have her hair brushed.  I think she'd never tire of that or having moisturizer massaged in to the dry skin of her face.  She cracked me up today saying, "Now I know why massage parlors seem to be so popular!"  I said, "Oh Momma that makes me laugh to think of you going in to one of those places and asking for a massage ... I think that's where men who will never be any thing but lonely go to buy "comfort"."  Her eyes got so big!
She talks to herself.  Or maybe she sees things I cannot see.  "Why are those babies smiling?"  She asked me that yesterday mooring and I said I think they are just happy ... . This morning I heard her say, "Hello, what is your name? Are you a lady."  I know it sounds a little weird, but I like it.  She seems so happy ... she giggles ... it's sweet, and she sings ... I love that.  Mostly, she sleeps.  She barely eats ... ice-cream she makes time for ... I am certain I will hope for Cheetos when I'm really
old.  Which reminds me ... today Tommy said his tongue feels like its been in the broiler and by the way, that beef jerky I'm so fond of really tastes like Alpo.  He said the Birthday Cake flavored ice cream is incredible delicious.  Lotsa ice cream eating going on over here ... I am truly concerned that all this sitting around combined with very little moving about is going to make my clothes tight!

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