I'm not always optimistic.

Like tonight ... it's pecking at the vulnerable spot in my psyche ... you coulda been running marathons ... you coulda been doing that very cool hot yoga class ... you shoulda saved this money for that white water rafting trip down the Colorado river and in to the Grand Canyon ... or hiking the trail.

I am going to dress up for a very elegant dinner party tomorrow evening. My big whoop tomorrow? I'm going to Victoria's Secret to see if they have some festive ... yet refined ... hosiery ... something to snazz up the very demure black dress. I will be amazed at the voluptuousness of the menu ... and the flowers and the glitter ... there will be a little jazz ensemble playing discreetly ... we will chat over them, never even noticing when the songs change. I will thank them on the way out ... listening to them and admiring the variety of proteins on the buffet will be the two high points of the evening ... they will look surprised ... they are used to being invisible. I won't be expected to talk ... I do not have a PhD. I am used to being decorative.

Well ... whatever. It could be so much worse ... . I'm reading two different books right now. One, The Ship Who Sang (Anne McCaffrey) the other, The Hour I First Believed (Wally Lamb). I really liked The Ship Who Sang ... back when I was 16 ... it hasn't aged well ... the basic premise is fine it is just dated. The Hour ... Columbine ... the opinion is still out on that one.

I am proud of this recent accomplishment. I am so very sad that I haven't flown since the check ride ... and very little before that (this year). I am sad that I do not have a crappy little job. I am sad that I have flown with guys who are super interested in the new pool construction ... looking at the ground rather then in to the building of a student pilot ... . They are still flying, while I am cooling my jets on the ground ... . I really do not like it when fortunate people feel sorry for themselves! It's just ridiculous!