The way to love someone
is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul
until you find a crack,
and then gently pour your love into that crack.
~Keith Miller

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Think today may be one of the best days.

Last night I woke up around 2:30 local time. This may sound a little weird, but what I do because I know I am going to wake up several times during the night, is, I have a predetermined list of things that will be interesting to think about. Like a date with myself. What I used to do when I woke up was sort of like brooding ... what did he mean by that ... why would anyone say something like that ... what I should have said was ... . Stupid stuff like that ... stuff that picks at your sore spots, stuff that you never figure out right, only making yourself feel worse.
I'm okay with the weirdness of preplanning because it keeps me, if not productive, then at least not counter productive. Last night I was processing the information in my new book about Aspergers. It's an interesting topic to me in that a better understanding of the symptoms and how those are played out in the dynamics of relationships is helpful. The main take away supports a conclusion that I had already come to which is: You can't reasonably expect the people in your life to complete you. I have friends who say stuff like that, and it rings hollow like a dime store romance to me. Maybe something is wrong with my thinking there, but it is what it is.
All that to get to here: I need to take better care of myself. Women who nurture well seem to have a tendency to neglect themselves ... not in that martyr way ... more in the only so many minutes in the day kind of way. My husband is not a fan of the whole physical fitness thing ... and honestly, it seems to be working for him - not working out. But me not working out is not working out for me. Last night when I woke up my body felt bad ... it still hurts right now ... really hurts. My brother said it sounds like a pinched nerve in my back. I think it is a warning. A few years ago when I broke my ankle I was running 5 miles a day on the elliptical and doing appropriate weigh training as well. I liked my weight (well pretty much - I am a girl) and I felt fit. That broken ankle set me down for 9 months ... and by then, I was out of shape and out of the habit. My big reach goal was getting strong enough to walk well in high heels ... I know, kind of superficial, but I really like pretty shoes.
I'm going to heed the warning ... I'm going to see about building back up to a similiar work out program. I loved doing that and there's no reason why I shouldn't and couldn't do that for myself. I decided that today.

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