The Seat

I had a dream about fifteen years ago that I still remember ... I am going to write about it knowing that I can't really do it justice.

The dream began with me sitting in the left seat of a Cessna 172. It was like I woke up there ... or became conscious there. You know how you feel when you wake up in a strange place ... like maybe your in-laws home ... and you lie still, disoriented, but calm? That's how this felt. I sat up straight (in the dream) and after a quick look at the instrument panel I began to look out side. What I saw was depressing. Visibility was severely limited due to smoke and just general greyness ... at this point the dream was only in black and white ... washed in pervasive bleakness. Nothing seemed right. I didn't know what would make it right, I didn't know why it seemed so wrong, but it did. Everything was a mess ... weedy taxiways ... rusted out fencing ... potholes pocked the runways... a thick haze hung everywhere. I sat still, looking. It looked like a war zone. Nothing made sense. Desperate neglect clung to everything. Movement in my two o'clock caught my attention. An airplane with a lot of damage was limping along at a snails pace. I studied it ... it was the first thing like that (an airplane) that I had ever seen. I leaned forward to get a better look ... and inadvertently pushed the yoke forward ... that's weird I thought. As I watched the airplane, I began to notice other airplanes ... there was a rusted out pile of them over there ... wreckage seemed to be the norm ... crumpled wings, collapsed gear, dangling props. Then I started to become aware of airplanes in various states of flight ... there was one taxing successfully ...and over there, one was accelerating ... uh oh it found a pothole. There goes one! How exciting! It quickly disappeared through the canopy of muck.

My attention came back inside the airplane. I tentatively tested the back on forth of the yoke ... oh! ... it slides sideways as well. As I played with it I started to hear sounds ... engine sounds. Cranking. Choking out. Grinding starters. There were so many different sounds ... whirring little engines, bigger round engines all the way up to the silken whine of a jet engine. Some of them sounded strong ... some fuel starved or worse still clacking as they fell apart. There were other sounds ... the sounds of metal striking metal ... the sounds of airplanes crumpling back to the ground. I craned my neck for a better view ... and noticed my wings. Wings! I am one of those I thought. My excitement was short lived as I quickly realized I had no idea of how to operate this thing. I could see that for the most part,they seemed to be self taught ... and many were fatally unsuccessful. I was sitting there weighing the risks ... of course, I had no idea yet that there was such a thing as a master switch ... or a key ... I hadn't yet realized that there were control surfaces ... I was just at that point where I was aware of how tiny, how narrow my awareness was. I hadn't even realized that there was an empty seat right there beside me.

I sat there without hope. I felt despair seep in to me ... it was oppressive ... . I knew that I was built to fly, but I was ill equipped to figure out how to do the first thing towards that. As I sat there the sky began to open up. I've never seen anything like what happened in my dream. Blue sky began to appear as the dreariness dissipated ... golden light washed the airfield ... it was as though everything stopped and began over. The runway seemed to repave and re stripe ... miraculously. What was going on here? I felt frantic to take it all in ... it felt like I was taking huge gulps of crisp clean air. And there, shimmering in the beautiful sky was an airplane. The prettiest, sleekest, most amazing airplane you can imagine ... it was perfect. I was ... awestruck ... filled with joy. I was so overwhelmed as I watched it land and roll out passing me ... I felt so full of joy and wiped silent tears from my eyes ... how can I be laughing and crying at the same time I wondered. I strained to keep the airplane in sight ... oh, how I wished I could move ... even just a little bit so that I could catch just a tiny glimpse ... .

That is what this is supposed to look like I thought ... that is flying.

As I sat there trying to absorb the wonder of it, I heard a tapping sound and as I looked to my right there was a person standing there. I was stunned to suddenly realize that I was not an airplane ... I was a person sitting inside an airplane ... an airplane that I didn't have the first clue how to operate. "DeAnn..." and I have a name I thought ... and he knows it! He seemed happy ... it was infectious. Who is this I wondered. "DeAnn, if you open the door and let me in, I will teach you how to fly ... " For the first time I saw the empty seat ... and the other yoke (whatever that is I thought). "... you can trust me." he said. I reached for the door latch. It was an easy choice.

That's where the dream ended. And the truth is, that's where this adventure began.

A few years ago some one asked, "Do you ever see God when you're up there flying around?"

I see where He has recently been.