I like Sade ... the first two songs on my play list are hers ... added today (probably back to Enya in a few days... ). I like Jazz, I like her voice, I don't like what her songs say. I wish (yeah, I noticed I'm wasting wishes again!) she would sing better lyrics!

I sorted through her songs this morning ... looking for some to add, but as I listened to the words I realised heavy editing was in order. (I secretly like Fergie for working out, but that's between me and my iPod!)

"I don't like what her songs say" ... that is almost exactly how I feel about what I am saying my of late. The History channel, as riveting as the programing is, still amounts to sitting on one's ass losing time that can't be regained.

This morning I spoke with the FI on the phone (dangit,my font keeps on changing and I don't know why).
"How's it looking for hiring out there in January?" I wondered. I don't want to make a commitment to this track I'm looking at if there is any chance of the other working out. I am just like a horse with blinders once I start running a race. I like to go all in on my commitments. I mean, it's not really a commitment if you are already looking for all the fire exits is it?
"It's not looking very promising." was the best he could come up with before going in to what amounted to a pep talk ... reminding me of what my strengths are as a person and therefore, one would hope as a pilot (especially one looking for work). "You need to keep yourself current however you best can." he said.
I told him that I would hate taking on a few students only to drop them when something better comes along. What I didn't say is I most likely would be unable to do that. The only significant thing I've ever quit was smoking ... and just lately I'm beginning to wonder if that (smoking) was as pleasant as I remember it! I am missing that vital ingredient ... the ability to bail on what I see as a commitment. I wouldn't do that to this buddy who I'm thinking to join forces with, and I wouldn't do it to a student (unless they were just wasting their resources).

So, I may have to stop publishing posts here for awhile. I don't like my songs ... I don't like the words ... I don't like the line up and wait ... .
I know I don't sit well. I think I better put all this in a big box and let it sit for at least ... hmmm ... how long? However long it takes for me to not frustrate myself with all this angst.

I am going to play the music in the house loud ... I'm going to sing along ... and I think I'm going to refinish a sweet little table that is sitting in pieces in my garage.

By the way ... that song, Pearl ... today was the first day I have heard it. Last week I was talking with H and I said I think those 12 gates that are the entry in to heaven ... it says they are made from solid pearls. If our souls are the same size as as the current body to pearls ratio then those heavenly pearls are some big pearls. Pearls are formed via aggravation. By my calculations big pearls must required some pretty intensive aggravation! If our life experiences shape us for eternity (which I think is the whole point ... well, maybe for God's amusement as well - idk) then maybe there is something to how we choose to deal with all these aggravations ... while those pearls are being formed.
And another BTW ... I said I wouldn't, but of course I did ... go look up what the traditional anniversary gift for the 30th anniversary is. Yeah, it' a pearl. Traditional, Modern, Alternate ... all pearls.