The day got better ... during dinner. I like being with my family.

One thing I was thinking about later in the day, was what my husband said a few days ago. I told him that I am just about ready to let this dream go ... there is a lot of maintenance on a pilot's skill set. Yeah, people like to say it's like riding a bike, but last time I checked ET was the only one able to get a bike above the tree line. It's not at all like riding a bike. Yes, I could not fly for many many years and still probably land the plane respectibly well. The rust is around the probably.

My husband has known me for a long time. He analyzes me like a superduper science project ... he understands my trends ... what I will do in just about any given situation ... he can predict that more accurately then I can. How I feel ... why I feel ... what motivates me (unless it measurable like a challenge) he doesn't get that. Sometimes that's a really good thing, because sometimes feelings can carry you away. He is only/all logic ... Spock-like with out the quirky sense of humor or the ears. He has observed that I am passionate about only two things. Surprising ... I would have said maybe more than two ... yes definitely more then two, but this is his observation.
The two things? Flying/Aviation and Writing.
He says the most important things I can hope to contribute with my life will be expressed with in those two areas where I am most passionate ... he says that is the language that my heart hears. He doesn't understand all this up and down, back and forth, that I am feeling. He says everything will work out. I told him that I think God wants me to "be more in the day" ... that I had been thinking about that for a few months now. He said that is exactly how God wants us to be ... kind of a daily bread idea (my words,not his).

My husband reminded me of Elijah who did a lot of cool stuff and then suddenly became so afraid that he ran to hid in the caves ... I know this story well ... not gonna recount it here ... just to say what my husband said, which was, that God was heard not in the big weather events, but in a still, small voice. He said that was a voice used in a relationship ... between God and Elijah. He said the relationship took place in a human scale ... and also that that is a current event on the time continuum. He said the things I am passionate about are gifts ... from God ... and the places where I may most contribute to the large picture that I cannot see, but which God is working on. My husband says (and it's true I know) that I am good at relationships and that just because I am very afraid that things are not going well with what seems to be my thing doesn't mean that I should run to the caves to hide ... so to speak ... . My husband is encouraging me to believe that God has it worked out ... whatever it is, is good.

I'll try to work this out more clearly tomorrow ... I know what I'm thinking, just not quite how to say it.

Last night I kept on having a dream ... of a picture. It was on heavy canson paper ... creamy colored ... it was a line circling in, hand drawn, loose, relaxed, almost lazy ... and it came to a point near the center of the paper and began circling back out. It sounds odd, I know, but in a strange way it was comforting. Like waves. Sometimes I could see the line moving in (like an etch-a-sketch) and back out ... some times I just saw a finished drawing. I was restless last night. Tonight I am completely tired ... and all my work is done for today.