The ground school class "proof" catalogue of class offering came. I have a syllabus out on my work table ... thinking about developing the reading assignments that will support this 11 sessions, or is it twelve? I don't know and that bothers me. I am not quite myself ... not quite enthusiastic about this class offering. I know I will pour myself in to it eventually. Right now I just feel like I'm drifting. Floating? Things seem so sort of pointless, like I'm wasting my days. I don't know how retired people do it! Yesterday, I cleaned the bathroom floor with hydrogen peroxide. Just because I saw the bottle there when I delivered a fresh stack of perfectly folded towels. I enjoyed cleaning the floor with hydrogen peroxide ... and a scrub brush. That is troubling.

I've been thinking about this Appalachian Trail thing. I feel bitchy about that. I mean, seriously, three months (not all at once) to walk the trail, just because I think I want to? Well, I know I want to, but why? Isn't there something interesting and challenging I could do that would actually benefit someone? And why try to cajole my husband in to something like that ... he doesn't have enough time to do the things he actually wants to do. See ... the deal is, he has interesting things to do ... and that is good. Getting interesting things to do for myself is pretty much my job ... that's what I think. This flight instructor non job is busting my chops. It's not that I am not a patient person, it's that it seems like this isn't going to work out. Not here in this town where my life is. Charter flying doesn't work for me at this time in my life either. I'm not just having a little pity party here, I am trying to figure out what I am supposed to be doing with my life. February tends to be a difficult time of the year for me because I think of my dad and brother who both died in February. So, I'm already just a bit ... I don't know ... not really mournful at all, more like aware that our days come to an end. You get a life ... you get to live it ... you should be mindful that each day is a gift. I feel like I am wasting some days here ... folding the towels so perfectly as though it matters.

My bud did text back his five bullet points from Ecclesiastes. Here's his take on it.
+ Everything is meaningless
+ Work hard
+ Enjoy the fruits of your labor, eat and drink
+ treasure your wife as she is your gift from God
+ praise God
I would agree with that list. He said he read up on it because Solomon was noted as the wisest and therefore ahead of the game. I'm not sure that this list will be helpful as he goes through chemo.

I remember those two dreams that I wrote about here ... one was where I was a passenger in a truck, the other found me flying a King Air to some little field in the middle of no where ... in both dreams my companion bolted and I was left wondering what was going on. I don't think the companion was a person but more a representation of my life activities. In both dreams I felt that I was just supposed to chill out. I am just not very comfortable with chilling out ... it seems like wasting time. And I laugh at myself a bit here because I just said I am spending my time doing experiments on where the most bubbles will occur on the bathroom floor and I am certain that that is a total waste of time. Seems like I have time to waste. My dog certainly appreciates it. I do enjoy walking where no one is near and singing along out loud with my tunes. It doesn't bother Sammy.

Not doing as well with waiting on my mud to settle today. I will try again tomorrow.