Ones gifts (what they are naturally good at - their talents) are their "ammo", their passion is their target, circumstances bring those two things together.

I'm not sure who that was who showed up here and said, "It's all Gucci."

All I am trying to do is manage my day to day operations as I shake every limb on every tree trying to find that opportunity to instruct someone ... just one ... anyone ... in an airplane. I feel sorry for the guy. I hope it's not a kid. I am a little bit afraid that the load of my expectations will cause the CG to be pretty far back ... I'm going to need to find a big guy ... someone with something riding on it himself (herself?) just to balance the trainer ... so to speak.

This is my deal. So far. I live in a town where there is one place to flight instruct ... and they are able to keep the lock on that one place to train sort of thing. If I owned my own plane and had everything perfectly organized to accept students in that airplane, I would not be able to offer training in it at my local airport ... no one can. Yeah, I did my HPA stuff under the radar ... it can be done ... discretely ... but that's no way to run a business. Things are changing here locally ... will that happen fast enough to help me out ? I'm not counting on it! .

Passion. Yes, I will say it out loud. I have a passion for flying. I am willing to accept that Flight Instructor is very likely as far as my career will go. I knew that when I first dared to follow my passion. I say dared, but that word is only a part of it. Dared in the sense to say this is so important to me that I am willing to risk upsetting the status quo to pursue it ... I am willing to pick up cans along the roadside to pay for it ...I am willing to take my chances with whatever for this one very important thing ... I will toss the whole shebang up in the air and let things land where they may ... that kind of passion. The kind of passion that makes waking up in the morning a really good thing. I do not see that kind of passion very often ... rarely, either because it doesn't frequently take root or maybe because it is a private sort of thing ... I hold my cards as close to my chest as possible ... usually.

Why do I love it? Because it is the only place I have ever been where I feel fully me. I can breathe there.
You better believe I will do everything within my ability to make that happen for myself.

I bought in to the idea that my life was to be spent making other peoples lives better. I still believe that is true ... largely true, but not exclusively true. I think we are supposed to be mindful of each other and especially the people we choose to put in our lives ... our significant others. Being the executive assistant in someone elses life ... if you have some inkling of your own goals ... isn't enough. I read someone somewhere recently ranting on women not knowing their place was basically what cratered society as we know it. I know that mindset intimately. I bear the strap marks of that mindset ... and like many good hearted, smart women of my time I struggle which the question ... if I was meant to be a pack mule why did God give me a heart to run? ... or fly? I'm not a feminist ... whatever that is exactly. I was willing to set my own dreams aside ... dreams ... daydreams ... wisps ... nothing more ... in support of my husband's career ... my home ... later my children as precious to me as they are. I was forty before I first sat in the front seat of an airplane. I knew I loved to fly, but it just never occurred to me that I could do that as other then a passenger. Just like my real live ... a passenger along for the ride in someone elses life, offering sweet conversation, but never navigational advice.

I watched the little tire leave the ground ... and then the shadow appear under the plane ... and something significant began to happen to me that day. I came to realise that life is short ... . Maybe it was turning forty ... over the hill happens there right? Maybe it was that my baby would be starting kindergarten ... maybe it was that my husband said we could afford it ... lots of maybe whys ... I don't know why, but I did begin to think about how short life really is, and I began to question how it would be for me to stand before God and answer for how I handled this gift, life, that He gave me.

I really did that ... I spent a lot of time thinking about that ... (I didn't get to start flight lessons for another couple of years after that first flight).
One of the first things I noticed as I imagined myself "de-briefing" with God was that I was standing there alone. My mother and her ideas for how I should do things wasn't anywhere around ... my husband with all his ideas of the perfect wife ... not there ... just God and little ole me. My take away from all this soul searching was that I would be answering for myself and so to me it seemed that I best have a better answer then because they told me to ... . Eve said something like that ... I paraphrase here: "The serpent (who btw you created and placed here ... I didn't even help with the name on this one ...)beguiled me ... that rascally snake ... it's not my fault ... I wasn't thinking for myself ... someone said go for it ... . And right after that Eve similarly gets blamed by Adam. I am not thinking this is funny ... at all. I'm mentioning this here only to support the idea that I think God intends that we will answer to Him and the whole blaming it on someone else doesn't seem to play well. I think ... I believe ... that I will have to answer for the one life that the creator gave me. My husband is a Southern Baptist man ... he believes that he is obligated to tell me what to do. So there has been a bit of a ... what? Let's just say he is supportive of my flying ... otherwise I would not have been able to do this. I know he wishes I were more passionate about keeping his shirts all hanging in the forward position ... . I don't think it would be right for me to be away for overnight charter flying type stuff ... wish I could ... maybe ... I don't think about it really. What I think about is doing right as best I can. Localflight instructing willbe the type of flying Iget to do. I will most likely love it ... and I will find that student with the help of God. Later ... who knows. I'm not thinking very far ahead these days ... there's enough to do right here where I'm at.