just a bit more on "love"

Fly in Silver Dragon ~ Britt Freda

I would like to have done a better job of synthesizing the chapter on Charity in Lewis' book, Four Loves.  He does such a great job of sharing his thought process.

storge - affection

philia - friendship

eros - romance

agape - unconditional love

The idea of "charity" is that it is unconditional, not predicated on our attractiveness, not something that we "earn" or somehow deserve, not something that is given to reward or coerce a behavior.  "Charity" loves.  "Charity" loves without cause ... and I like seeing that it is never less loving ... it's the full deal, 24/7 ... .  Love is a big deal.  Lately, I have noticed that we are not really that good at "loving".  Let me say, I ... am not very good at loving.  I think the main point of the book for me, with this reading (because it's one of those books to read again), was this ... "Careful.  This might lead you to suffering."  (So ... I'm not the only one who thinks that ... not the only 'fraidy cat out there) and this ... To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. (I've been thinking about this specific quote for quite a while now ... found in a book of quotes by famous people ... And what I've thought is yeah ... this is true ... to love at all is to be vulnerable but I can handle that ... the reallyreallyreally tough part for me isn't in the giving of my heart to love someone, even a relative stranger, that's so very easy ... it's in opening my heart to let people in to love me ... it's so very hard to rest in their love ... it's hard to need love, not to give love ... that's where "vulnerable" resides ... that's the secret little casket/box that I have difficulty re-opening .)

Love simply is not "safe".  ... it's super interesting to me ... no one wishes to be "broken" and yet love tends to both do that and repair that ... I'm thinking about this.  I know I have thought to protect myself by not loving too much ... to balance to care and not to care.  I am careful of my heart, but/and once "in" not so careful at all.  It surprises me that someone you invite in to your heart might hurt you.  You know ... not in that way of being overly sensitive to little dings, little life-dings, but ... rather ... gaping breaches of trust ... breach, such a perfect word.  

1 a : a violation in the performance of or a failure to perform an obligation created by a promise, duty, or law without excuse or justification breach of duty 

An opening, a tear, or a rupture. b. A gap or rift, especially in or as if in a solid structure such as a dike or fortification

It surprises one to be "torn".  And then what ... ?  Lewis is right to warn us about where "wrapping it up carefully" leads. 

change of track ... Charity ... It's God-stuff.  I think we are incapable of finding it within ourselves of ourselves.  We can ... hmmm ... maybe open our hearts to receive it, and there by season these other loves with it.  I think there is more pain, bigger pain, without it ... and I think it is the love that repairs our souls.

This week my buddy girls and I have casually talked about stuff that we think or feel about homosexuality.  Yeah ... not like any of us are gay, but more how we feel about "gayness" in general as it is lived out by people we love.  I'm just mentioning that because it's "different" from "us" and easy to not "love" ... easy to judge "that" as somehow less then lovable and somehow from there feel that it is somehow righteous not to act lovingly ... charitably ... .  We condemn this or that in others and in ourselves ... that is extra pain that simply doesn't need to happen ... that's what I think.  

I want to move towards being better at "loving".  Unconditional love is certainly beyond me, but I have an inkling of what it might be (because I am a mom, and because I have a few people firmly planted in my heart).  Maybe a dose of charity can "super-charge" what I am capable of offering.

I've been too careful.

... and a p.s. 11 Oct. 12  from Will Durant's book "The Pleasures of Philosophy" via a friend:

"Our wealth is a weariness, and our wisdom is a little light that chills; but love warms the heart with unspeakable solace, even more when it is given than when it is received." 

"When the home that has echoed with the laughter of children is haunted with their still memory, love, as if in consolation, brings all its wealth again to the comrades of many years.  Its great gamut is not full till it has soothed with its warmest presence the loneliness of age and the nearness of the Great Enemy.  Those who knew it as desire know only the root and flesh of it; the soul of it remains now, with every physical element burned away.  In this re-mating of old hearts the spiritual flowering of the body's hunger is complete."