I have a lot on my mind these days ...

A lot goes into keeping this boat that merrily, merrily, merrily ... rows gently down the stream ... .  We almost bought a ride on a schooner last time we were at the coast.  A schooner (so beautiful slicing through the water) would be too much boat for me to handle by myself ... I have an idea for a little hobi cat ... manageable and perfect for the Bay.  The Bay ... where the water is smooth and no more then a few feet deep.  (Yesterday, on the walk, AC/DC sang about swimming round and round in the deep end ... deep waters require a swimming buddy I believe.)  It's fun to think about what seems to be just the thing ... a small boat so I can feel the wind in my hair ... a small house where I  can rest ... . There seems to be a melancholy  here that I do not truly feel ... pretty sure ... I just don't want more then I can take good care of.  I don't want to sweep up every one's broken pieces ... I want to create a wonderful pathway, sprinkled with pretty little mosaic pieces, around a little garden where I can meander and eventually sit down at the end of a day.

I am walking my dog on very long (for him) walks.  We leave the house and walk a mile or so up to the campus ... through campus and over to the small business district ... people are beginning to come out of their shops to say hello (to him ... I keep a pair of dark glasses on ... ear buds in ... I need my walks to stay kind of quiet ... but I do stop briefly, and Sammy eats the attention up).  We walk for at least two hours a day.  The walk motivates me to get my house things tended to early in the morning before the day gets away.  I am still chewing on the idea of a walk along the AT ... a walk in the woods.  Sammy will have to be in better shape for that ... wait 'til he finds out that he'll have to carry his own food!  I have kept the walk confined  to with in a five mile radius of my home ... if my dog conks out, there is no way I can carry or drag him ... he outweighs me already and we anticipate another 20 to 30 pounds over the next three years ... he is still a puppy really.  I like to change the walk up, because he senses that I know where we are going, even if he doesn't ... helpful for him if we do do the Trail.
This morning I looked at a previous post of mine ... these words jumped out at me:  " Casual conversations in the elevator with strangers. He's tired. I could see the lines around his eyes. How often is he away from the life he's working for? Is he home enough to make all the away - okay?"

Casual conversations in the elevator with strangers. He's tired. I could see the lines around his eyes. How often is he away from the life he's working for? Is he home enough to make all the away - okay? 23 Sept. when I go looking for it later.

My husband is so busy making money that he has recently forgotten to pay a bill on time.  I have volunteered as much help in that area as he will accept ... so far to no avail ... I don't see the inner workings of our finances.  That is definitely one of the pitfalls of being a full time home-maker. A power dynamic tends to evolve, and the junior partner is left to do the bitch work.  Haha ... it's just how it is ... the FOs experience rides on the Captain's disposition.  The money I might have earned as a flight instructor might have paid for that catamaran after Uncle Sam got his cut ... and I found a great deal on eBay!  I am not fretting the lack of a job in flight training ... for one thing, I am certain that I have done everything I reasonably can ... .  Other things make unemployment  make a lot more sense then me working eight hour days and some evenings. My priorities have names ... one of them still has the sweetest freckles I've ever seen!

I am listening to that Steel Magnolia song ... currently number six on the accompanying play list ... what ever made me thing I didn't like country music?! 

Is he home enough to make all the away - okay?  It must be pretty difficult to find the balance ... how do you answer a question like that?  These long walks ... when I turn the music off ... shed the distractions ... questions like that inch forward ... out of my subconscious mind.  I know every one deals with their version of that question.  I can see some of the needs in my own home ... that stress creates.  I see also that I am more peaceful ... centered ...  a more grown up me then I ever have been. I've begun to forget some of my broken pieces ... .  God's work?  Not sure, but  it sure does seem to be. 

Casual conversations ... in elevators ... in defined spaces ... outside the coffee shops while I walk my dog ... friends reaching for what?  Connection?  What's missing?  Basic human warmth and companionship however intensely casual?  ... and now ... my dog is barking ... big bass baritone woof woofs ... I know what he's thinking.