Notes made on 27 May:

Forgiveness is not a moral issue.
It is an energy dynamic...

Forgiveness means that you do not carry the baggage of an experience.

When you choose not to forgive,
the experience that you do not forgive sticks with you.
When you choose not to forgive,
it is like agreeing to wear dark, gruesome sunglasses that distort everything,
and it is you who are forced every day
to look at life through those contaminated lenses

because you have chosen to keep them.

~ Gary Zukav from The Seat Of The Soul

I appreciate this idea. But who is Gary Zukav? Google.
Now I've seen a couple of YouTube videos and he has been extensively wikied.

"According to Zukav, creating authentic power is a highly personal endeavor that requires the development of emotional awareness, responsible choice, intuition, and trust in the Universe, which he describes as "alive, wise, and compassionate."[7] He asserts that each individual can create authentic power only for himself or herself. He defines intention as a “quality of consciousness that infuses an action,” i.e., the reason or motivation for the action, and choice of intention as the “fundamental creative act” that each individual performs continually, whether unconsciously or consciously. Creating authentic power requires consciously choosing intentions that create consequences for which the chooser is willing to assume responsibility (responsible choice), which requires emotional awareness, and which intuition can assist." ~Wikipedia ... Always makes me laugh ... What a great idea to let people collaborate on explaining a topic ... committee work!


Is he saying that authentic power is a responsible ... emotionally, perhaps spiritually, responsible choice which is arrived at intutively. Is he saying that I may make a really excellent choice because it "feels" right?
Ummm ... I'm gonna have to think a bit about this, but I do understand gut reaction. I do understand the feeling of "this feels right or safe". I have felt something that felt right when really just this facet of it was right ... some right sitting in a pile of wrong.  Some safe sitting in a furnace.  I know a little bit about that.

This forgiveness thing. Forgiving someone can be pretty difficult.

I'm also thinking about pain that was caused without malicious intent ... Some people hurt you because they just don't get it ... They are emotionally retarded or just stupid maybe. Does their intent come in to play in the pursuit of forgiveness. Yeah, I believe holding a grudge or holding on to bitterness hurts the offended party ... it sits in ones soul bitter as bile. I gag on the poison even as I am unable to forgive. What was that "Chuck" quote ... ?
Ah here it is: "There's enough poison in that drink to kill an army platoon. Good thing I'm a marine." - chuck/tv
Yeah ... good thing I am me. I survive to forgive on another day ... .

I'm thinking back to the Bible story of the three Hebrews who were thrown in to the fire. Man what an awesome story. These guys were "good guys" ... Serving their God in a discreet, reverent way. Through some evil gyrations, they were to be punished for this authentic attempt to honor what they believed to be holy ... sacred. The way little me was told this story in Sunday school ... and the way bigger me later re-read the story was ... Long story short, they survived the fire. God wins ... get on the right team ... .

I'm seeing it a little differently now though. I'm thinking about ... well, here goes: These guys were in a foreign land as slaves ... their choices were somewhat limited by the choke collar of slavery. But they did have a few choices (like Mandela ... like all of us). Their choices landed them in a furnace and I bet they were pretty in tune with the idea of hope that I am currently grappling with. They actually express their hope saying something like they don't know how this thing will play out, but they're unconcerned (probably some bravado at play there ... good game face maybe ... maybe they really were unconcerned ... wow) because they have faith in the ultimate goodness of the God they serve. They say, in Daniel 3:17 we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter ... the God we serve is able to save us from it ... (but even if he does not, we still will not serve your gods of images of gold) ... King Nebuchadnezzar is ... inflamed ... and ordered the three slaves bound and then thrown in to the furnace ... the soldiers who tossed them in were consumed by the heat. Next, the three are seen walking in the fire with a fourth, described by the King as : v25 ... "Look! I see four men walking around in the fire, unbound and unharmed, and the fourth looks like a son of the gods." NIV
... my favorite tinybig part ... v27 ... and there was no smell of fire on them..

So why revisit this story ... of a bit of strenght facing an insurmountable, consuming trial ... then help (smiling to self as I pause in my typing ... I wish for help with "skin on" ... this son of the gods may have been more recognizable because he wasn't sheathed in flesh) ... then we get to where this story touches my story. These guys walked away from the fire. The fire freed them from their bonds ... and they came out unharmed and not even smellng like smoke ... stronger versions of themselves.
The fire was an instrument which might have consumed them, but it became a minor part of a much larger story then the story of a few defiant slaves. Bet these guys didn't spend much time revisiting the trauma of the fire ... or stuck in a place where they couldn't forgive the guy responsible for tossing them in ... bet they didn't spend anytime anaylying his intent ... bet they were overjoyed to have experienced redemption realizing that the fire was ... well, we are saved from something and we all experience our own little hells. These guys didn't spend anytime surveying the fire through dark gruesome sunglasses. That's where I was stuck. The horror of the trauma made it difficult ... impossible to forgive ... .
I am thankful that "God" showed up (even with no skin on) and cleaned my shades ... guess what ... I'm not stuck in the fire ... I don't have to stand near getting zinged by the sparks. 

It's best to move towards a place where forgiveness can be realized. Maybe even sit quietly in a lovely place and drink some refreshing lemonade ... regroup after the fire ... rest in the peace and joy of redemption. I was stuck looking at the wrong thing. I was stuck looking at the wrong place through charred glasses. That's what I'm thinking about today.

This guy, Dr. Zukav, may be a little new age for my sensibilities ... maybe ... but he has some really good thoughts too. I might check out his book.

PS -> 1 June  I am still trying to finish or at least continue thinking about this.  It several different little things tossed in to the same "spot" ... they are related yet unrelated ... I'm trying to organize my thoughts here.  This post is here so I can readily re-read it when I have some thinking time available.  If it doesn't make sense ... I know that ... construction site ... hard hat area ... beware of falling pieces!