Ironning shirts and working in the flower bed along the drive way ... Both encourage flipping through random thoughts like albums on my iPod app ... Gotta find just the right one ... It will support a "mood". Honestly, I'm not a moody person ... I'm kinda a what you see is what you get kinda person ... All my wrinkles are smile lines. Until lately ... lately I am just a tad moody. I have an eye on myself ... Sometimes I think I should stop writing this blog ... Or maybe just do the aviation ground type notes ... . The introspection is ... Well, it's rattled my cage.
I'm a big believer in personal choice. I actually think it's the foundational premise for life. We make choices. Our choices make choices. We collaborate and compromise on joint choices ... We try to make wise choices ... . Choices. Seems like there are a lot of them made every day. I have believed that one can choose happy ... That by sheer force of character one might choose happy like one might choose to not swear when strung, freaking repeatedly, by a bee. You know what? I have been choosing happy. It's the destination of choice and I've consistently navigated towards it with a smile on my face ... Maybe not the kind that crinkles my nose and twinkles my eyes, but ... Well the lines bear witness. I just want to say here ... For posterity ... I think I might have made a serious misjudgment with this "choice". The people who I share my life with frequently say, "I am not happy.". They say that because I have taught them that their happiness is priority one.
This morning my day began with wake up and make me happy
... And I said ... "No".
See, what I have realized ... (and I will acknowledge it's me ... I
tend to willfully disregard what is unpleasant to see ... ) is ... I can not possibly cajole, coddle, coerce ... anybody else towards choosing "happy" or anything else. We all make our own choices. I know that. This probably all sounds rather bluesy, but today I've been thinking about those ten best days that I started trying to identify late last year. The recent day when I felt infused with ... joy ... radiant with the freedom, however brief, to enjoy just being alive ... that day would seem to be a contender for a best day. But I think it just lite the fuse on a best day ... Today. Today, when I chose to stop trying to make everyone else happy.
Someone said ... "Well then just do what you want ... You always do". Yesterday that would have sucked me in ... Uh oh ... One if my someones is not happy! ... . Today for the very first time ever I responded differently ... I said, "That is not true (and I'm not going to be manipulated). Petulance is thick in the air. This was an unpleasant day ... The evening isn't looking very promising ... . So freakin' what. I've got bee stings to tend to.